Follow
Share

I have been living with my 86 year old friend Susan for a year. My husband died here in her home in December. Just about the time I was wanting to start seeking counseling and getting out into the world after 18 months taking care of my husband and Susan, the virus hit. Now we are locked down together and lately I am anxious and depressed a lot. Susan seems to be having memory issues more and more and God love her but she talks non stop from the time she wakes up in the morning. I'm dying for interaction with others who understand what it is like to take care of the elderly. She frequently gets confused when trying to use her phone and computer and lately she's driving me crazy. Even before the virus I didn't get days off and now it just not possible. I'd need a break.

Find Care & Housing
Thanks for the clarification. You were just venting.😊

Just a suggestion. If I was caring for someone, then I would want POA. Without it you have no say in her care.
And what are you going to do if her family wants to eventually place her in a facility? They need to sell her home?
You should not be responsible for her 24/7. You need time to yourself to do what you want and need to do. The children should be aware of the decline. Can she be left alone? Even if I was living with a friend splitting expenses, I would want to be able to have breakfast alone with another friend. Spend time with family, etc. I would want my friend to continue doing what she did before without feeling I needed to be included.

Yes, now things are opening up maybe you can get out and away forva little while.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Not sure if a doctor will order antibiotics without making sure a UTI is the cause and then a culture to determine the type of infection. My Mom was sensitive to penicillin, it was on the hospitals records but she was given an antibiotic with it. Her friend, doctors had a hard time finding the right one.
I would check with her PCP and ask if you can have a test kit and a hat. The hats fit on the toilet seat. She pees in the "hat" and then u pour it into the jar provided. Really nice.

Where is Susan's family. Maybe time for a serious talk. If no family, time to get the state involved if you don't want to care for her the rest of your life. Things are starting to open up. Call your area Office of Aging and/or APS. Tell them you can no longer continue to care for Susan as things are. She needs to be evaluated and maybe will need longterm care. The State can step in as her guardian. Don't allow them to talk you into it. Big responsibility and very hard to revolk since its Court appointed.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Corgimama May 21, 2020
I do not want to stop being her caregiver. Susan does have 5 children but they all have their own lives and none were willing to move in to take care of her. Perhaps I didn't make it clear that I am just overwhelmed at times and need someone to talk to about being quarantined 24/7 and needing a break. Things are opening back up and I am working on getting her out walking and visiting with family while social distancing and wearing masks. I feel bad that I gave the impression that I don't wish to take care of her anymore. She was there for me when my husband passed away and I'd be lost without her. I wouldn't want anyone to be alone during this time, myself included. I am blessed to be living here with her and it has saved me financially as my income has been cut by 70% since my husband passed. My widow's pension is tiny. I do have life insurance and some money saved so I am going to be fine. Perhaps I should not have spoken up.
(1)
Report
Have you tried tele-medicine (where you connect online to physicians)? Do you know what Susan's Medicare plan is? It may provide this option. Susan may be having a UTI which can create confusion and disorientation as its only symptoms. Antibiotics would clear it up. It is possible a telemed physician may order antibiotics for her without a test due to the virus lockdown. They may be able to get delivered to your home, or you can have family/friend/neighbor pick it up. I would start there. I'm so sorry for your current situation and yes you do need a nice, long break. If you are not Susan's durable PoA, who is? That person needs to start thinking about Susan's future care. I wish you rest and peace in your heart!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
Corgimama May 21, 2020
I do not want to stop being her caregiver. Susan does have 5 children but they all have their own lives and none were willing to move in to take care of her. Perhaps I didn't make it clear that I am just overwhelmed at times and need someone to talk to about being quarantined 24/7 and needing a break. Things are opening back up and I am working on getting her out walking and visiting with family while social distancing and wearing masks. I feel bad that I gave the impression that I don't wish to take care of her anymore. She was there for me when my husband passed away and I'd be lost without her. I wouldn't want anyone to be alone during this time, myself included. I am blessed to be living here with her and it has saved me financially as my income has been cut by 70% since my husband passed. My widow's pension is tiny. I do have life insurance and some money saved so I am going to be fine. Perhaps I should not have spoken up. Susan has had UTIs in the past and I was not aware that they could cause those symptoms. I will check into it. She sees a physcian who specializes in geriatric medicine.
(1)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter