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My mother is living with us for 6 months now. She’s angry, bitter, rude, narcissistic and only cares for herself. I am an only child, with health issues myself. She has always treated me this way, but now talks to my sweet husband the same way. He has always shown complete respect to her. He is a good man. Happy all the time. She talks down to us both and is basically taking over the whole house. We have to serve what she wants for dinner and I could go on and on. She’s had 3 surgeries and we have waited on her hand and foot. And we take care of her 4 dogs in our home as well. We have two of our own. So now it’s 6. I don’t enjoy my own home anymore. I can feel her anger everywhere in my home. I don’t know what to do. She can’t stay here. I have no clue what to do with her. If she stays here, my marriage will be over, or I myself will be dead within a year. I am so confused about how to deal with her. I don’t want this in my home. I have tried speaking nicely to her about it. She has a foul mouth and my granddaughter is 2. She spends a lot of time here. I don’t like my granddaughter even around her. Help? Anyone else in this situation? All she wants to do is fight. 24/7


shes always been this way. It’s not age, not illness. It’s just who she is. She has not one friend or family member but me.


I can’t sleep. I’m distraught and feel helpless. She didn’t take care of me as a child. My dad raised me, while she was out partying and changing men like underwear. I want to do the right thing by her, but what is the right thing. How far do I let her go, before I have no life left?


if you got this far, thank you!

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had my attention there for a minute . im looking for foul mouthed and dirtier than a coal shovel , not violent . the dogs are a non starter ..
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What does Baker acted mean? I never heard of it. But I agree with everyone on here. You have done enough RDK1963. Get her into a facility and don't feel guilty. My heart breaks for you that your Mom wasn't there for you growing up. I feel so bad. Don't let her ruin your life. Also, don't let rude people get to you. There is always one on every site of this forum. Don't pay any attention. You have allot of support from the rest of us on here!!
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 10, 2019
Baker acted is a 72 hour psychiatric hospital hold.

It is used to get out of control people help, even when they say no they are taken to the hospital.
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Why did you choose this life? I also want to make you aware that some towns consider even 5 dogs as too much. Some towns will require you to get a kennel license
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RDK1963 Nov 10, 2019
I did not choose this life. My mother has no where else to go. When she fell and broke her leg, they called me. I am an only child. My mother has no income to take care of her own needs. She had 4 dogs that came with her. I am not breeding dogs. They are spayed and neutered. Trust me, I do not want 6 dogs. 2 belong to my husband and I. I do not need a license and I am not doing anything illegal in my state.
People don’t choose to be care givers. like hey choose me, choose me, to stop my life and take care of you for the rest of mine. People are placed in situations and they have hearts and want to try to do the right thing. Getting in over their head. At least, I can speak for myself, but not others. There is no need to be rude with me. I came to this site for support and learning from others, that are experiencing the same thing. There are many others in my shoes as well. I guess they chose it as well. Why are you here?
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Thanks guys for all your support! She had her 3rd surgery this past Monday. Suppose to be the last.
I should have posted this before. So my chance has past.
I had a talk with her today, she says she is going to talk to a social worker to get into an AL, as soon as she heals because she hates it here. She says we don’t feed her good. Oh my goodness gracious! Her first complaint was we fed her too much! I ask her every week, what she would like to eat. I accommodate her wishes. I guess that’s all she could think to say. I’m LOL, as this is even more ridiculous as I type it.
This is so difficult and I do feel scared of her. She’s crazy! Then I think, poor thing, she’s been crazy her whole life. She has nobody. Maybe if my husband and I show her love she would change. Someone said it well on this feed. At her age, she’s not going to change.
This is my first time around. My heart hurts for everyone going through care giving with a difficult parent. It’s difficult on you, Even when they are sweethearts. I do love to read the stories, when people talk about how close they are to their mom and how much they will miss her. I always wanted a Mama. I guess the little girl in me, thinks if I’m good she will love me. She never loved me, so it’s a little late at my age. I need to tell that little girl to grow up, and face the truth.
I’ll tell you one thing for sure, you don’t miss the peace in your home until it’s gone. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can’t do this. She’s so mean, I’m sure she will out live me by far. I think she could eat razor blades, and survive. She pulled the staples out of her leg With wire pliers on the last surgery, while I was making her breakfast. I feel quite certain she did it to rattle me. She loves to do that, and tells me so.
Thank you all for the support and real truth. Prayers for all going through care giving.
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When you take her to surgery, while she is under go talk to the hospital social worker and tell them that she doesn't have a place to go to after surgery and that you need help.

When she wakes up, tell her that she will be going to rehab and then she will be living at a different address. Do this in hospital so that you have witnesses to her verbal abuse or she minds her manners because she has an audience.

Doing right by her should not cost you your life and that is the situation now. A loving parent would never ask their children to give up their own life to prop them up so they don't have to do anything they don't want.

Don't feel bad, you gave it your best shot and it didn't work out. Time to change the situation.

Be prepared to be told how horrid you are, she is going to do and say everything and anything to get you to submit to her. I make a game out of what will be said by my parents to get me to do their bidding. It hurts less that way. But know that she will go to the lowest places to get her way.

You can do this! Just think, after Monday she is someone else's problem. Great big hug and strength to you!
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If she is about to have surgery that is the opportunity for you to tell a social worker you are no longer able to care for her in your home. I think you will probably have to get rid of the dogs unless you feel you can manage that many and they all get along. She is undeserving of your care and responsibility regardless of her current state. I don't think you should feel guilty at all given the history you have had with her.
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Remove her from your home, you are in way over your head. She will not change, place her in AL. She can apply for Medicaid if need be.

If she continues this while trying to relocate her, call 911 when she gets out of control, Baker Act her if necessary, do whatever you have to do, just get her out of your home.
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RDK, you know that you need to get her out but you are afraid of her. Just start taking steps to solve this problem. Once she's out things will improve. Are you her PoA? If not, then you should let the county get guardianship over her. In the meantime, as Isthisrealyreal has suggested, Baker Act her if the opportunity arises, and if not that then get forms for eviction and start looking for facilities for her. Once the eviction has been filed and posted at your home for 30 days, then if she refuses to leave you can have the police escort her out. But if I were you I'd find her a landing place (on her own nickel of course). If you don't think she has enough funds, don't worry. Just get her into a facility and then she can apply for Medicaid. They can't kick her out. Dig deep and find the courage to take action. Chose your husband over her, chose your own sanity.
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Tell her that she is moving out and call your local area on aging to get a needs assessment done.

If she blows up, call the police and tell them that she is a danger and needs to be baker acted, at that point tell them that she can not come back to your house because you can not safely care for her. Don't let anyone convince you to bring her back, say no, no, no, no safe release to your home as often as needed. Tell them that she needs placement and repeat that. If need go no contact with the hospital after you tell them that she needs long term placement because she can not come back to your home.
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