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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mom refuses to get a hearing aid… And I already know her response will be”WHAT?” to every question asked …I find myself getting so angry and the negative energy begins with having to repeat myself at least four times literally screaming….
The best part was when mom would holler, why are you screaming at me?
There is no good answer because hearing aids are their own punishment and will cause you more aggravation than screaming. Get a dry erase board and write everything out. Its the easiest of all the bad choices.
My MIL has long refused hearing aids. And I’ve long refused to raise my voice in conversation with her. She misses out on a lot, her loss for her refusal. Anything she really needs to hear, I write and show her. Don’t scream, tempting as it is, just write and limit your exposure
Hearing loss isolates. Also it makes a person more likely to develop dementia. Others will advise that hearing aids are more trouble than they are worth, but I don't think so. My husband is in late-stage dementia and has no problem with wearing them. They are very lightweight, have a stand on which they recharge every night, and have a tiny plastic wire that has a tiny plastic dome on it. The little dome rests inside the ear canal. They are programmed from a smartphone.
He had to go without them for a few months. We got replacements, and his hearing, attention, cooperation, social skills are wonderful now. In his memory care unit, he participates more. Everything has changed for the better since he again has hearing aids. Expensive, and we got them at Costco.
The biggest problems we've had with the hearing aids is that they can get misplaced, and he has tried to eat them. He hasn't complained about the flavor, though.
Has she been to an audiologist recently? She could have wax buildup making things worse. Also, if she hasn’t had hearing aides before, or it has been a long time since she tried them, she might be surprised at how much better they are. My mom had in-ear hearing aides (the ones made with a mold to put inside your ears) for as long as I can remember. They were old and apparently not that good because when I took her to my audiologist and she tried the new ones on, the ones that sit behind your ear with a little wire to a tiny rubber cone that goes inside your ear, she was like one of those baby-hears-mother’s-voice-for-first-time videos: eyes wide looking around saying, “I can HEAR you!” Needless to say, it improved our communication tremendously and she adapted to using a charger easily. It’s worth a try.
Have you tried using a White board or a pad of paper for your questions? I know it sounds cumbersome to do this but she might (or not) get the hint that she is not hearing you correctly and in order to communicate this is what you have to do. Also try this...I know it is frustrating but the more angry you get and screaming raises the pitch of your voice. So try: lowering the pitch of your voice. Talk a bit slower and enunciate each word. Stand in front of her so she can see your face. Many people lip read without even realizing they are doing so. And many language cues are gotten from your facial expressions. And bring your face level with her face. So if she is sitting you would sit and directly face her.
Figure out what communication aid would help you have conversations with your mother. It's not going to improve. So it is up to you to figure out what would help so you don't get so frustrated.
My mother wore hearing aids for most of her adult life. She was clinically deaf and the hearing aids managed to salvage what little hearing she had left. Communication was really hard. I hated when we'd have a family dinner and someone said something funny and she would ask what was so funny. It is not possible to communicate why something was funny. She missed a lot of nuance in groups.
Her deafness became more of an issue at the end of her life. I finally couldn't stand shouting anymore, especially in the nursing home where everyone can hear your business. I found using an iPad was very helpful when there was something I really needed her to know.
YES, it is annoying and exhausting - I can relate.
With my mom's dementia, when she could no longer tolerate wearing hearing aids, I tried this device called a "Pocket Talker", in which the hard-of-hearing person wears headphones and a box with a microphone. It worked BUT because of her dementia, she couldn't understand why she had headphones on her head. She was constantly asking about them and removing them. I gave up on that device. It might work in some situations, but not mine.
Now, my recommendation would be for you to use a "voice amplifier". That way, you don't have to shout, and there's nothing your mother has to wear, fiddle with, or complain about.
Also, before you speak: 1. make sure you have her attention 2. look directly at her 3. speak slowly and enunciate your words clearly 4. use fewer words in your message - sometimes people with hearing difficulties can't mentally process a lot of words at once.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There is no good answer because hearing aids are their own punishment and will cause you more aggravation than screaming. Get a dry erase board and write everything out. Its the easiest of all the bad choices.
He had to go without them for a few months. We got replacements, and his hearing, attention, cooperation, social skills are wonderful now. In his memory care unit, he participates more. Everything has changed for the better since he again has hearing aids. Expensive, and we got them at Costco.
The biggest problems we've had with the hearing aids is that they can get misplaced, and he has tried to eat them. He hasn't complained about the flavor, though.
I know it sounds cumbersome to do this but she might (or not) get the hint that she is not hearing you correctly and in order to communicate this is what you have to do.
Also try this...I know it is frustrating but the more angry you get and screaming raises the pitch of your voice.
So try:
lowering the pitch of your voice.
Talk a bit slower and enunciate each word.
Stand in front of her so she can see your face. Many people lip read without even realizing they are doing so. And many language cues are gotten from your facial expressions.
And bring your face level with her face. So if she is sitting you would sit and directly face her.
My mother wore hearing aids for most of her adult life. She was clinically deaf and the hearing aids managed to salvage what little hearing she had left. Communication was really hard. I hated when we'd have a family dinner and someone said something funny and she would ask what was so funny. It is not possible to communicate why something was funny. She missed a lot of nuance in groups.
Her deafness became more of an issue at the end of her life. I finally couldn't stand shouting anymore, especially in the nursing home where everyone can hear your business. I found using an iPad was very helpful when there was something I really needed her to know.
With my mom's dementia, when she could no longer tolerate wearing hearing aids, I tried this device called a "Pocket Talker", in which the hard-of-hearing person wears headphones and a box with a microphone. It worked BUT because of her dementia, she couldn't understand why she had headphones on her head. She was constantly asking about them and removing them. I gave up on that device. It might work in some situations, but not mine.
Now, my recommendation would be for you to use a "voice amplifier". That way, you don't have to shout, and there's nothing your mother has to wear, fiddle with, or complain about.
Also, before you speak:
1. make sure you have her attention
2. look directly at her
3. speak slowly and enunciate your words clearly
4. use fewer words in your message - sometimes people with hearing difficulties can't mentally process a lot of words at once.
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