Is a schedule for taking a pet outside an unreasonable request?
My mother moved in with us about 18 months ago, and with her came a pomeranian who was never house-trained. My mom has her own master bed and bath suite on the ground floor and has done as she pleases downstairs.
Less than 2 weeks ago, with my mom's agreement, we took in a greyhound -- a lovely old girl near the end of her life expectancy.
The interactions between the dogs are still ambiguous; the little pom mostly stays in Mom's room, and our new dog isn't allowed in there. It seems important to me to manage all of their encounters so that neither gets hurt.
I asked my mom to write out a schedule of when she wants to take her dog out so that we can be on hand to supervise the bigger dog. She did write down a schedule - four half-hour windows in each day when she can take her dog out while we supervise our dog. But Mom does not seem to be able or willing to follow the schedule. She misses the times, ignores alarms and texts, and generally seems to find it difficult to stick to a schedule that she devised.
I am really struggling with anger and frustration at my mom for her apparent unwillingness to ensure safety. Mom cannot manage her own tiny dog, not to mention the bigger one, so I am trying hard to protect 3 vulnerable creatures. Mom seems oblivious to the risks we are trying to mitigate.
Does anyone have suggestions or insights?
7 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Mom's coming to live with me and bring my brother and 4 pets. She told me its my turn to take care of her and my brother as she is broke.
- My FIL keeps chasing/bullying the cat. He amps up the behavior when I'm home to get a reaction out of me. How do I get him to stop?
- Trying to adjust to husbands uncle moving in with us. Any tips?
- Silent treatment from mom on Mother’s Day. How should I handle this?
He couldn't see the cognitive decline (neither could I, it was quite subtle). But his seeing it through the lens of mom's relationship with him...very problematic.
Get professional advice on this.
When you say ambiguous... what have been the difficulties?
I'm thinking it shouldn't be impossible, not really, to organise a truce between these two; and then, quite apart from the other advantages, your mother can enjoy the greyhound's company as well.
Why should you have to deal with all the issues that her behavior will surely bring to the surface?
She needs to go to a facility. She has proven that she has no intention of being a good house guest or give a hoot about how her presence and actions affect others, nothing has changed it is still all about her.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. Getting her professional care is the kindest thing that you can do for her and you.
Thanks for your candid response.
The fact is that I've been avoiding opening the Pandora's Box for a while. But you are right -- I may be neglecting her. And that stings because I've been coming to terms with her neglect of me.
I am casting about to figure out what is normal or appropriate in caring for her as she ages.I feel like I have no models to draw upon I am reading AgingCare articles on Age-related Decline, etc..
Thanks again for making me face the inevitable.
This arrangement is clearly not sustainable. As an abused and neglected child, you should not to be expected to provide hands on care.
That would remove one of only two reasons she leaves her room -- the other is to get food / coffee. It would also cross a boundary: she is very bonded to her little dog.
Given that my mom's habits have been very irregular since she moved in, i feel like taking over care of her dog is opening a Pandora's box of discoveries about neglect (of herself and her dog). I am worried about crossing that line, given that home health aids are no longer available... the care would fall to me.
(My mother is bipolar and was undiagnosed and unmedicated throughout my childhood, resulting in neglect and abuse. I am working through the resultant 'quirks' in my personality with a counselor - after being able to cope just fine until she moved in. )
Thanks for helping me think this through.
Other feedback / suggestions very welcome.
Frankly, I need help.
If she CAN'T, rather than won't, do it, does that make you less angry?
Going forward, what can be put in place to toilet her dog safely?
This whole can't/won't issue is central, and it's one I haven't had the band-width to come to grips with. It would seem that this summer, now that we are forced to be at home 24/7 together, is the time when I will have to try for a clear-eyed look at what my mom can do and what she can't.