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out of 1200.00 father‘s Social Security check he gives us $900 a month which pays for round the clock care, food, groceries, cigarettes, transportation rides, cleaning, cooking, you name it. I’ll leave him with $300 that he keeps for himself thinking he’s going to buy a car at 80 years old that’s never gonna happen. So what is daddy doing with all this money? I do not know but he is very stingy and when the family is in a jam he doesn’t offer any help whatsoever. Even with the stimulus check came in he got his $1200 it didn’t change his life anything at all, didn't offer us a dime. My husband and I are struggling putting one child through college and another one
here at home. I don’t know how to convey to him that we are a family unit. He’s been living with me for one year and he's expressed that he hates it here in Florida and wants to go back and I keep telling him that’s not gonna happen. Where does he realize that if he wants to go to a facility that could be $2500-$10,000 a month? Why does he not want to participate as a family? Why does he look at us as a business deal that he needs to save every penny that he has? He’s 80. What is he going to do with those $300 a month? Does he realize that getting his own apartment down here in Florida requires a waiting list in he has to pass a test that he’s able to live on his own because he has been inquiring about getting his own apartment down here if he can’t go back to North Carolina. What I’m getting out of this is he is unhappy that he lives here with us for $900 a month. And he thinks he can get government subsidized housing here in Florida to live in apartment on his own at age 80 if he can’t go back to Carolina. The way I see it he just wants to not be here and wants to be either in North Carolina again or in his own apartment in Florida . I have become my fathers care taker primarily meals, cleaning, bathing, walking, transportation, appointments setting, his mouthpiece. I do everything for him for $900 a month. Which it cost us money because we had to move our middle child out of the house to another apartment to go to college in which his expenses exceed $900 a month but my father seems to think that we are benefiting from his $900 a month but he doesn’t realize that we moved our child out of the house and have to pay for his expenses in order for him to live here. My father thinks that he is doing us a favor by staying here and giving us $900 a month. Truth is he is costing us lots more money here because if my father was not here I would still have my child here I wouldn’t have to pay the 900 + that it cost to house a college-age students in a dorm and all the expenses that come along with that. Not to mention my life has been completely turned upside down that I am responsible for an 80 yr old Man that is awkward sometimes due to bathing etc. but it was his decision to move down here with me and my family and I kept telling him that it was no turning back after this decision and this is his decision to come down here now he says he wanna go back to North Carolina I did not sign up for this. It is a constant worry on my mind every single day that because I explain to him for six months that when he comes down here there’s no turning back and it’s up to me to keep up with his decision that you made and god for bed I miss one breakfast in the morning because I need a morning off I get ridiculed and guilt trip from him that he did not receive his breakfast this morning. I am sorry


But for a man who thinks he can live on his own I would think that he would be able to go to the kitchen if he’s that hungry and get something for himself because there’s always food here but he doesn’t want to because he relies on me. Jump through the hoops to get subsidize housing here? That he can’t do it because he needs me to be the mouthpiece. Or in a facility that requires money that nobody has? I know most of you were going to say sounds like he and I need to have a thorough conversation, indeed

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What did you think it would be like when you moved an elder (your father) from his original home into yours because he can't take care of himself anymore? You rented a room to him for $900 a month, and the rent includes his meals and care. You did not have to put your own kid out who's in college and pay a rent for him to make room for your dad. What I think is that you probably thought your father would not only pay the $900 a month to be at your place, but would also want to pay for other things and be generous to his family. Not gonna happen. My father was like this too. He paid his bills but was not interested in being part of the family unit and was certainly not going to pay for anything extra for any of us. If your father's income is $1,200 a month, he will qualify for rent subsidy in a senior community. There's plenty of them in Florida. If he's not able to manage on his own anymore, then he can get on Medicaid and go into a nursing home. Medicaid won't pay for an assisted living facility.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Time to make dad's wishes come true and get him out of your house. He's obviously not happy in your house and you are not happy with him being there, so really it's a no brainer. I'm sure if he's only getting $1200 a month from social security, he would qualify for Medicaid, and then you can help find him an assisted living facility either in NC or FL where he can live out his days.

If he's only 80, he could live another 20 years. Are you and your family willing to put up with him and the stress of it all for that long? You need to think long and hard about that. (and get dad out of your house) Best wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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80 isn't old but the list of health complications you mention on your profile page is, does he really have a diagnosis of Alzheimer's or is that just your personal belief? The way you describe him makes me think that there is no deeply personal relationship with him and that you moved him in more from obligation than love, instead of feeling insulted that he wants out you should feel relieved that you are not the only one who recognizes that it was a mistake. My mom lived to be 99, I had no idea how long people can live in truly frail health or how much bodily care they can require, if he has any ability to live apart from you then I would make haste to help him do it.
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Reply to cwillie
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Hindsight is 20/20. Get him on a waiting list for senior housing and find every senior assistance program you can. Get him out of your house. Moving a child out so he could move in is really not on him. When taking care of an elder costs you more than you can afford, it is time to find another solution.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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According to my napkin math you're being paid $1.25 an hour for a 30 day month.

Time to come up with another living arrangement for him.

I'd drive him back to where he used to live in NC, drop him off, and run like hell.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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BurntCaregiver Nov 17, 2020
Not exactly. The father didn't hire a caregiver. He rented a room for $900 a month and it includes his care.
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