How old are you? Interesting range of ages and situations here has me curious...

Let me add that this experience caring for Mom, Dad and hubby has me more committed than ever to save my money and keep paying the long-term-care premiums for when the day comes that I am old and infirm. I have no children, so I will be on my own.

I'm almost 47, and my mother will be 84 in a few months. I think in some ways, having a relatively older parent while I'm still relatively young has benefits. To be a dozen or more years older, taking care of her, could be much more of a challenge. I don't have kids, and would never include them as part of my long term plans anyway, so I've been weighing the pros/cons of LTC insurance. The advice says to get it before the age of 50, so I'll decide within the next year.

I am 60 and about to move in with my parents after being alone for 5 years. Being alone is not what one wants to think it is. I think the God created us all to be helpers of one another. It is an honor to care for your parents who gave you life.
Try to be happy with what you are doing. It won't last forever.

47 in Florida...been doing this since June 2010..

I am 53. I am Lso raising a gand child in the same household. Yes. I feel resentment....there are SO MANY FEELINGS!!!! I also hide them from my dad. I ache for alne time. It is hard. Bless your heart. Someday you will be alone...probably a lot more than you want to be.....I have seen it.

I was 48 when I moved from South Florida sunshine to Oregon's cold, long, rainy plus 2 feet of snow this year and now I'm 50. Feel like I'm MUCH older ....sheesh, the stress has aged every aspect of me. First caring for both parent's (dad cancer and mom AD)... dad's been gone a year and a month... I still cry for him and how sad he must have felt the last 6 months knowing his wife of 60 years had no clue who he was... he cared for her the first 2.5 years, probably longer before the actual diagnosis.

This is much harder on the family than the patient? I say patient because even though she is my mother, she isn't my mother. Make sense?

I'm also looking into long term care insurance.... even though I pray my son would be gentle... I just can't see me putting him knowingly through that.

One day I will get back to life... for now though, I'm gonna make the best of what I have in front of me. Plus it's SPRINGTIME and that alone makes me happy!!

God Bless!

You all have brought up an interesting topic, and an excellent reminder for all of us. One day, WE will be the ones needing care, barring any catastrophic event prior to our old age.

I, for one, do not want my children to have to be in the position I find myself in now. I am going to make every effort to fund my retirement and long-term care before that happens. If the time comes where I can't care for myself any longer, I will go to a nursing home or assisted living community before I will move in with one of my kids. I don't ever want to put them - or myself - in that situation.

Definitely a good reminder...

I'm 57 and have been taking care of my mother 24 x 7 for 6 years. Giving her a good quality of life warms my insides. However, having to place my life on hold really stings. I miss the freedom that I took for granted and the experiences that I've missed out on. But I don't regret the choice that I have made.

An afterthought regarding the loss of freedom, I don't know how anyone who was ever incarcerated would ever think of doing anything that would land them back in jail again.

65, we built a home with in-laws cottage to place my MIL in 10 years ago. she and I clashed till I would not take care of her and my husband (age 69) took over. she is now in nursing home now(age 91). Moved my mom(95) to AL 1 mile away 5 yrs ago. she has increasing dementia, was hard because she was so independent before and is fearful of all this and still thinks she can do everything still. the stress has certainly taken its toll on us both.

Resentment? you better believe it. I am 50 and have been caring(in way too many ways to list) for my mother for the last 18 years. Intensively for the last 10. Siblings don't want to give me a break. The few times have been with anger and complaining because I am not supposed to get tired. Yet, they do get together and take yearly family trips.

My mother has so many different health conditions yet has outlived her oldest sister by four years now (77). Some days I do not allow myself to think about what my life as a caregiver really is or I could not continue.

I have done this when I was pregnant, my children newborns and all of the different ages in between till they arrived to adulthood. They literally have grown up in hospital ER's, doctors waiting rooms and hospital rooms.

My husband has cleaned up my mother's bodily fluids, done her laundry and so many other things to help me out because he sees how exhausted I am. So yes, resentment can and does come into my life. No other way around it. This is such a rollercoaster and not always the fun kind.

I am 58 and have been taking care of my son who is 24 and developmentally disabled all his life. In Nov 2012 my then 87 year old dad came to live with us. My husband retired in Nov 2013 and we were never having any time together. He took over the care of our son and I handled my dad. It just got to be too much for me and I was resentful, particularly because my parents were never involved in the care of their parents and went on cruises, trips to Europe, etc when they retired. My husband and I couldn't even find time for a few hours at a local museum. We discussed it with my dad and he decided to go live at an assisted living faculty near our house. Things are better now for us. We may even make it to the museum tomorrow.

I am 60. Feeling very resentful. Between my parents 84 and 87 and FIL 87 there is no peace, no privacy, no normal life. Mom in a NH, Dad beginning dementia live close to my sister but I help her as much as possible with visits when she needs a break and any tasks I can do by phone or computer. FIL lives with us and H's brother and the rest of that family do NOTHING to help and never even call to check on him. The one time I asked BIL to watch him so H and I could go away for a weekend I got crap that continues with his crap attitude to this day. And FIL has been with us for 4 year. I am angry, this is supposed to be the time where we can travel and have some privacy just like the elders did. What is worse is that when my grandfather was in his late 80's my father did not want to do any caregiving and so I took my mothers turn at that as well. I have raised my kids plus foster kids, been a single parent and now I want and deserve some time to enjoy life before I am to old to do it. Being surrounded by ailing 80 somethings for 4 years sure puts your own mortality in your face and I don't want to waste one second of the time I have to do things. Just a little help or a few weekends alone would work wonders.

I am 61. Susan, I can totally relate to what you've said. I went from living at home til 18 to moving to a college dorm with roommates, then right to marriage and kids for 21 years, divorce with 2 teenagers and only 3 years ago when my daughter married and left was I alone---for the first time in my life. And, oh wow the fun I had rediscovering me, my life and having adventures, coming and going as I pleased and not considering dinner for anyone but myself etc. Now, living with my parents I am feeling suffocated and my wings clipped. I am now tied again to someone else's needs and wants and at their beck and call with my life schedule no longer "mine." After that small taste of freedom, I want it back. Honestly, I don't even think at this point I'd even want a husband again! lol
Many here are so young to be carrying these burdens. Hugs to all of you and God bless.

Almost a dozen years ago I began in earnest helping my mom after she had a major stroke. I was still raising my three daughters at the time and had a hard time dividing my time well. Jump ahead to now and my mom has passed away (only a month ago). She was in a facility but I was there as much as I could be. Now my husband who is 57 has Early Onset AD and I am his primary caregiver. He can no longer work or drive. I just turned 52. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this but the thoughts are fleeting and I keep pushing on.

I've only been doing caregiving for a few years now but at 47 it's not what I imagined I would be doing. Mom is soon to be 81 and still lives alone. I am the youngest of 5 and one of my sisters helps a lot but still the majority falls on me. I have a young child at home and the days that I feel overwhelmed I remind myself that in another 10-15 years neither of them will need me like they do now. It seems that many of us tell ourselves various things to enable us to cope with the lives we've been dealt. We do what is it needed and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm 35 with a fiance & 5 year-old daughter. My loved one, whom I care for, is 84 with dementia, an inability to walk or even stand on her own, and deformed hands due to severe rheumatoid arthritis & several failed surgeries. She is my adoptive mother. I promised her no nursing home ever, and I intend to keep that promise. However, I could never care for her completely on my own. My fiance is a godsend. He helps with everything. We are also guardians of my disabled sister, who currently lives with our mother. Our plate is full. Some days are difficult. I keep it going because I love my mother, this scenario won't be forever, and I honestly believe it is what I was placed in this family to do.

I will be turning 50 next month and I have been a full time caregiver for the past 3 years. My Mum is 81 with advanced Alzheimer's. Her mind is gone but otherwise physically quite healthy. My time with her has had its ups and downs, good days and awful days, but I feel blessed to have given her a quality of life for the past several years.

I'm 28, an only child, and a new caregiver for my father. He had a massive heart attack that left him with a host of health and mobility issues. I sometimes feel resentment; I quit my job to care for him and I guess some days I just don't see how I will be able to do this long term. I'd like to be out there and social and building up a career, but it's hard to even go out for groceries. I'm worried about my future after he is gone.

At the same time, he is my dad and I'm glad he survived and is still here. I know his time is limited and I am very grateful to have this chance with him, especially since my mom passed away suddenly and I didn't with her. I just wish I hadn't instantly become the parent in the process.

I am 68, a care giver. I have done the entire kid thing, have had 2 children die recently as well as my 1 st husband.

I care give my husband who suffers from Solvent Dementia . I got to the place where I had to move into our guest house for my own sanity but I see, talk with & care for my husband daily.

It is all a gift-we just forget....

To Captain, One can get dementia at 55 so beware it could happen to you! All elderly people DO NOT get dementia, what ageist thing to say. I am old and I am fine fin fi f..

I am turning 49 this month and have taken care of my father who died in 09 and mom who is 81 since 2007...I have married, divorced, no kids thankfully, and i have a chronic illness that has led to disability...She is coming home tomorrow from the nursing home and I resent her every day...She has a personality disorder, either narcissistic or borderline and she expects me to be at her beck and call, answer the phone when she calls, etc...I am just angry all the time...I need to go to Alanon.

Well I am 55 and my mom is 95 going on 96 next month. I have been doing this since 2002 my youngest son move out and mom moved in within thirty days. It was my choice to do this but I feel trapped, burned out and need a break soon. Life has passed me by I try to keep a upbeat mood but sometimes it does not work I get depressed. After her birthday next month I got to get me some respite.....I know what to do to get the process started ( I have done it twice and where she can go I got to make it happen..... I love her dearly just need some ME time for a least a week or 10 days .....

Kudos to Captain. I am quickly approaching 58, been doing this for three years, two in my home. Finally beginning to understand the advancing dementia, it's weird to watch someone who was always on top of his game to fry out. I'm the dartboard daughter, but I love him to pieces. I find the behaviors weird, but interesting, sometimes angering, but another day goes by. . .

I'm 38 now and have been looking after my MIL since last year. She has mild/moderate Alzheimer's and just turned 78. She lives alone, but up the hill from us so I'm able to walk to her house. I bring her medicine twice a day, bring her dinner 5 times a week. (she's able to use the microwave so she microwaves pizzas or chicken pot pies those two nights) I drive her to dr appointments, to church and sometimes to the store. Other times she gives me her food stamp card or cash and has me pick up a few things. If she needs a lot of things my nephew normally takes care of it. He lived with her up until 2 years ago and I guess noticed that things weren't quite right with her. He took over making sure the bills were paid and now manages her money for her. He does right by her so no worries. My cat sometimes goes and visits her, even spends the night, keeping her company. Odd considering that years ago she didn't tolerate animals in the house but she loves that cat and will even holler for her at night to see if she wants to come in.

I don't really feel resentment and honestly what I do is nothing compared to some of you on here, who are living with your loved one and providing hands-on care, but as strange as it sounds, I welcome the weekends to get a small reprieve. My husband works long hours during the week so it's up to me to take care of everything and on the weekends it's so nice to have him bring her pills to her. I'm also raising my two kids, my daughter who is fixing to turn 8, and my son who just turned 4. I also have a stepson who will be 24 this year but he's moved out on his own. I don't like having to leave my kids to take pills up there, but I wouldn't exactly call it resentment. She's never been violent and is always appreciative of what I do for her, which really helps. I'm not able to do much more than what I do. I don't want to sacrifice my kids' needs and I'm sure she doesn't want me to either. I don't want my kids to grow up resenting me for not being there when they needed me. It's made me think about my own future.

I will re-enter the work force one day and when I do I intend on looking into LTC insurance. I don't want my kids to be put in the situation that my husband and I are in. MIL signed the land over to him last year so if she ended up in LTC Medicaid wouldn't come after the property forcing us to move after her death. Now of course there's that pesky transfer penalty should she end up needing LTC within the next 4 years. I'd rather we have the insurance and not need Medicaid so if my kids choose to live on the property my husband can just will it to them and not have them worry about it being taken from them.

I also don't want my kids to have to make those hard decisions for me and my husband. I don't want them having to give up their lives for us. I want them to advocate for us if we need it but be able to live their own lives, have their own families and provide for their own future, not worry about mine.

Personally I believe elderly people ,who are not able to care for themselves, should be in a retirement home. They would be with their peers and their lives would be more interesting than at their own homes watching TV.

My mother did 3 stints in a retirement home for rehab, and she HATED it all 3 times. She was constantly annoyed by her roommates & the loud TV (her hearing was top-notch), didn't eat well, couldn't sleep well, & was just all around unhappy there. The home she was in was considered "one of the best", but she just didn't take to it & always begged to come home. It's not the preferred environment for ALL elderly people.

I am in my late 50s and I'm a full time caregiver. I have been a bachelor all my life which has never been my intention. I would like to settle down with someone in this lifetime but the caregiving responsibilities have taken priority for now. :(

I wasn't referring to rehab that can be bad. I meant the places where you have your own small apartment. The meals are served in a dining rooms and they have all manner of activities you can join.

I'm in my 50s and strongly believe in family care over home care if a family can do it. Home care can supplement the care from a caregiver. Unless the parent has too many ADL's that he or she cannot handle I would rather see the family unit kept in tact. As one approaches age 60 retirement should be in sight as it is very difficult to balance 35-40 hours in an office with the responsibilities at home. Better to close out one's career and focus on the home environment. If one has worked for employer(s) for 35+ years it is time to leave the work environment to the "youngins" and enjoy more free time. Hopefully one of those brain diseases will not happen to you in your 60s or 70s.