My mum (91) currently has a part time home aide until I move in soon. How do I, as a son, instill in the aide to anticipate needs? - AgingCare.com

My mum (91) currently has a part time home aide until I move in soon. How do I, as a son, instill in the aide to anticipate needs?

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Mum has "mild" dementia, is basically very nice (sometimes TOO nice, IMO), has lost the ability to make "Executive decisions" and it seems she does not give commands to the Aide to do stuff, will not supervise like she used to supervise and give orders to me! lol I do not expect that same level of energy, but is it the Agency who should be coming down on these Home Attendants, the family or both? We've already been through six or seven of these Aides since October of 2015! Two of them brought their young child to the house. Mum promises me to say more to them and then apparently forgets to do so and then I come by and see something is broken, bleach spots on a rug, laundry undone on top of the washing machine, or the bathroom unclean, or the bed just pulled-over and not "made" like Mum likes it or her dinner started so she only has to heat it up. I should not have to remind the Aide to "take Mum for a walk because it is going to be warm today", should I. Sometimes I'm at my wit's end. I know it could be much worse if Mum was crotchety. Need to hear what you guys are going through if similar and some strategies. Guild net says they will reevaluate Mum once it is in-stone when I am moving out of state, by the way. ThanQ.

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Guvnabee, do you have someone who will be looking in on your Mom, while you are away? Will you still be close by, and managing her care? Do you have a Geriatric Case manager overseeing her care. I doubt that you will be able to just move away from this situation, and hope that everything works out OK! Undoubtedly yoyr Mom is going to continue to get worse and worse. Have you considered placing her in a Memory Center? Just ideas, no judgement, nthese are very difficult decisions!
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My Dad had full-time caregivers from an Agency but it was self-pay. Not once did I need to direct the caregivers on what to do. It wasn't their first rodeo but it was mine, so I let them take charge on what they wanted to do. Each one had their specialty and it worked out quite well.... we had to go through a dozen or more caregivers to find the right fit, and now the two Dad has has been with him for almost a year :)
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By the way, my question should have read, until I move OUT soon. Thank you all who replied.
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Many good ideas here and I discussed the "lists" thing with Mum last evening and she liked it. I think it tapped into her being a retired school teacher. lol As for siblings? Only one and it is exactly selfish, much younger than I and no help. And yes it is amazing that it is so difficult to find Aides with common sense these days.
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Based on previous posts, his mom is on medicaid home based services. In those circumstances, you can chooses from a list of agencies. Waiver pushes client rights and if mom does not give direction, the aides do not have to listen to family or lists, only what the patient wants at the time. A compentence test may need to be done on mom.
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Do you have siblings or other family members that can check on her? Do you think you can just leave her alone with only aides doing all of the caring? I very much doubt that this arrangement will work fo6long! Perhaps it's time get your Mom into an Assisted living home, as only then, will you be off the hook. What about when there is no aide there? What if there is a fire, a break in or a fall with injury? Maybe you haven't thought this completely through! After rereading your original post, I have my doubts!
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Lists! I would put up a daily check off list, where they actually have to check a box, each day of the week, a new list every day, as each days nessesities and requirements may be different, with a box on the bottom for comments, with it nessasary that they turn this weeks list into their supervisor each week. Now, you must not think that they will always do everything on the list each day, as each day will change according to your Mom's mood, temperament and abilities. But there must be a minimum requirement of each day, plus "the extra's), and nobody is going to do everything to your liking always, unfortunately. Every week, have a set time, when you get to speak with the nursing coordinator, and go over the lists, ans see what's not getting done, what notes have been made, and what needs changing up. Beyond that, you probably don't have a lot of control, if you aren't going there yourself. Don't set your expectations too high, at first anyways! Good luck!
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It doesn't sound as if you are hiring through an agency, I can't imagine anyone hired that way feeling it appropriate to bring there child to work.
I think there are real advantages to hiring through an agency, there is some oversight, there is a possibility of backups if the main caregivers can't come to work.
I also think there is an advantage to having different aids through the week, that way that no one of them begins to feel entitles to their position and your mom doesn't become over dependent on them. Also each will have a different area they might focus on, so in the end she will have more rounded care.

As for duties and expectations, make lists of things you do and don't want. Pare it down to short bullets, print several and post in relevant places.
And I would try to find someone that can check on things periodically, perhaps a geriatric care manager?
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Is your mom declared incompetent? If she is, you have no say in what the aides do while they are in the house. You can talk to the social worker and discuss needs that are not met but your mom can override you if she is still competent. In all truth, the aides are only there as a supplement to care you provide for your mother. If things are not done, it is your responsibility. Also, if you get too demanding, the agency can always pull out. This may seem harsh but we went through alot of agencies and workers so I know what you will be told.
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Perhaps you could prepare a list of tasks, provide it to the agency, and ask them to explain to the workers that these tasks are expected and would be grounds for replacement of the workers who don't perform the tasks as required.

I suppose you could have a checklist on which the workers check off when they do the various things they're not doing now.

I am wondering though - it seems there are more than a few issues and a few neglected tasks. Do you think it's the particular agency, or the caliber of the workers?

If this were a business and the workers neglected their assignments/responsibilities, it would be documented by management, the workers eventually would be counselled, and perhaps eventually released from employment.

Since you're apparently leaving, it doesn't seem as though you'll be there to supervise, so try to get this straightened out now. Forget about re-evaluation later - get it done now.

Are there are friends or family who will still be in the area to check to ensure that the various tasks are performed? I wouldn't rely on your mother; she sounds like a nice little old lady who wouldn't be comfortable being in the supervisory position, nor should she. The agency should provide qualified, responsible workers. If they don't, find another agency that does.
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