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My Mom has given me authority as her agent on her Durable POA. She suffers from dementia. I have 3 siblings. 2 of which are in denial and are also engaging in a war of sorts over our mother. To date, those 2 siblings have done little FOR her but are quick to take FROM her (my 50+ year old brother has borrowed $12,000 that I know of from my mother over the last 3 years and has not paid it back). My other sister and I are working TOGETHER on behalf of my mother. But here is the kicker - my oldest sister and brother think that by force they can control the situation. Neither know that I have POA. So my question is - do I need to inform them that I have this "power" and if so, what is the best way to inform them (also from a legal standpoint)? They are semi-bullying my mother. My mom is afraid of them and historically neither have done much for her and my brother has a history of making poor decision regarding the finances of other and over his finances. He's responsible for one grandparent dying nearly penniless, a great aunt was the victim of elder abuse and my brother's response to that was that he didn't have the finances available to hire a lawyer to address this...

Just need to know what I need to send to these yahoos, what I should say to them, and how I need to do it. Obviously, I need to find legal representation in my Mom's state of residence.

Thanks all!

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You probably already know this, but the lawyers charge for every little bit of time. And the situation they love the most, is a family in turmoil. The more siblings--the better! They charge for each letter they send, and they helpfully will include their phone number on those letters and "If you have any questions about your mother's affairs, please feel free to contact our office." Then they will charge your mom's estate for explaining the basics of what a DPOA is, to 4 ignorant people, which could take 40 mins each phone call. To avoid all this expense you could just print out your state's Statutes about DPOA and a polite cover letter, and mail it certified, to each of your sibs. And don't give them any idea they can just call mom's lawyer, unless they will pay for that time. I'm speaking from experience here. Your family sounds like mine -- so I'm pretty sure involving a lawyer for basic information exchange is going to cost more money than needed. If you be pro-active with information exchange, you will also be teaching mom's lawyer that you are not an endless pot of money. I hope you have a good, and honest lawyer, who seeks to minimize any additional costs to your mom.
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Thanks all. Thank GAWD for this site. I have had a really tough night and this site and all of the advice and ability to purge has been really beneficial. I've emailed Mom's attorney with the current status of things and hope to hear back from her within the next few days... Be well everyone!
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The attorney must have found your mom competent enough to prepare the POA. I would ask that attorney to prepare a letter to be sent to all your sibs, to notify them that you are POA and responsible for responsible handling of all of Mom's affairs and any sort of loan requests must be run through you. I do not tjink you need a different attorney than Mom if you have good intentions, which I am sure you do. And Mom's funds shoyuld pay the attorney fees. Let the attorney figure out what to tell them and how.
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You may want to lawyer up now. It's sounds unlikely you and your sibs are going to ever be best buddies. If the relationships are already in the sh.....er, don't give them a heads up. Do everything you have to do to protect your mom, her money and provide for her care. If you think there's a chance for diplomacy, that's always better, but from your description, your sibs sound very unreliable.
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