So... I am a little over two challenging weeks into becoming a caregiver for my Narcissistic father and weighing my options.
He currently is living in my trendy city loft with steep stairs and only a sectional on which to sleep which is uncomfortable for us both: I am worried that he will fall down the stairs so I have to constantly watch him to make sure he doesn't go near them (he has attempted to slide down them on his rear end).
I am a very busy attorney that has missed more work than I'd like to since this all happened. I did find an Adult Day Center which he likes, but my line of work requires long hours, and I have been left to care for him after the center closes (although this does satisfy the "loneliness" factor he complains about).
So... my options are as follows:
1) Find a ranch home in the suburbs that we can share...continue to take him to the Adult Center on Weekdays, hire someone to watch him in the evenings and on weekends.
(He's made it VERY clear that this is his option of choice. He even went as far as to offer to pay me what my law firm pays me in the evenings so we can spend more time together.... ummmm.....no).
At minimum, this option could run about $3,000 - $4,000 per month.
2) A WONDERFUL Independent Living facility that we toured today. He would have his own apartment and access to the social activities on the property. He could also get transportation to the Adult Day Center but have essentially 24 hour care when needed there. The V.A. would offer him a discounted rate of $2,000 per month for this.
So... this is a NO BRAINER to me. It's more economical and would give me peace of mind. However, my Dad COMPLETELY hated the place. He said it was too stuffy for him and that if I was going to put him away, I should just kill him now (I'm not exaggerating... he actually said that).
So my dilemma is.... I don't want my Dad to hate me if I essentially FORCE him to go to the facility, but I don't want to continue to hate myself for being so resentful of this situation.
This is hard. He's really MEAN and hurtful, and I'm feeling even more strain on our less-than-stellar relationship. What should I do?