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My Mother, 92, who suffers from advanced dementia, was on death's bed two days ago. Doctor said that if she didn't start eating or taking fluids, she wouldn't last long. As she lay there, motionless with her mouth gaping, I set wheels in motion for her burial. This afternoon, I made a trip downtown to get some baby food - hoping I could get her to eat some. Well, guess who was up and walking around when I got back? I am flabbergasted! Has anyone else experienced this? I even wrote her obit yesterday. What a roller-coaster!

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God is merciful, and you are blessed that he's given you time to say your goodbye to your Mama. I had a SIL that was on total life support, all family surrounding her. The Dr. informed us that she was "no longer aware of anything, anyone, around her," and that we could go home, he would call when she passed. We found out later that when we left, orders had been issued to remove all life support. Well guess what??! She lived a very productive life for 8 more years!! - I think it has loads to do on how badly they want "to go home." When a senior feels thy're no longer wanted, loved, they can and will literally "talk themselves into dying." As a caregiver, I've saw this happen....
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Reply to Jazzy1349
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dlpandjep, I just want to give you a great big warm hug !

You are an amazing caregiver and a blessing to your loved ones.

I pray that whatever happens that you are okay.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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dlpandjep May 21, 2020
Thank you for the hug! You are such a blessing to me. 😊
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My husband has been under Hospice care for the last year and a half. In that time I have been told at least 4 different times that his days were numbered and that he didn't have long to live. Well here we are today and yes my husband is still alive and still under Hospice care. I too have had his obituary written for quite some time and have mentally tried to prepare myself (best I could) for his passing many times. It's exhausting and like you said it's like being on a rollercoaster. I'm ready to get off that rollercoaster, but this one thing I know for sure, and that is only the Good Lord knows the day and the time when He will call us home. So I must be patient and trust His timing. Sending you God's peace.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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dlpandjep May 21, 2020
Thank you Grandma. Oh how we need peace. Peace between the tears - and God sees every one of them. 🤍
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Yes, my 94 year old Mom was in hospice about a year ago or so and had a DNR and 2 days later my Mom was eating breakfast after I took a break and came home for a small rest. It was a very scary time and I truly expected my mom to pass but I guess my Mom changed her mind and is still with me today.
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dlpandjep May 21, 2020
Thank you for sharing JennaRose. 😊
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My mother had a “fatal” stroke, and although I knew something was wrong during my last call of the day, I stupidly waited until the next morning to see if she’d be better.

When she wasn’t, my husband, whom she adored, finally got her to the hospital where testing revealed that the stroke had indeed been horrific, it also that she had, as one amazed tech informed us, the body of a 50 year old. She was 85.

She was hospitalized for 2 nights, at which time she informed her neurologist that they weren’t feeding her right, and demanded to go home. He said he’d agree if I stayed with her until she could be seen by her “Regular doctor”. She didn’t have one.

I made an appointment for her for the following Wednesday, and after being checked and told all was well, she threw me out, and lived by herself for 5 more years, then broke her hip in an at-home fall. Subsequently she entered a residential center, living there for 5 more wonderful years, cared for by some wonderful loving people, many that remember her until today.

The God who cares for us offers us wonderful gifts. Another? Her baby sister, who is 92, just recovered from 3 weeks of Covid19.
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dlpandjep May 21, 2020
Your Mother must've been an amazing woman, Ann. You were blessed.

My Mother was given 2 months to live after being diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer - that was in 1992.

God does indeed give wonderful gifts - and it's comforting to know He's in control, isn't it! How awesome to hear that your aunt has recovered!
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My daughter, RN, calls it their last "Hurrah". And it happens with people who don't have Dementia.

My daughter has seen a patient at deaths door and the next day be eating a big breakfast only to pass a few days later. My GFs father couldn't even open his eyes to say Hi to me. Next day he was up and around ready to be discharged the next day. He passed in his sleep that night.
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Blue24 May 21, 2020
Well, if that's true . . my mom has been at death's door 3 times so far this year. Once last year. I suppose the more frequency the closer it gets? It really is hard to take - the roller coaster that is. And seeing her deteriorate slowly.

She's 89, lives alone (with a cargiver 24/7-underpaid BTW ) has some dementia but not officially diagnosed, Some other pysch issues, and has congestive heart failure. But she is determined to live a normal life again! And I can't do a thing for her.
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Yes, I've heard of this happening. It's tough cause you don't want to get your hopes up and then have them dashed when she takes a turn for the worse again. You kind of have to stay in that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" kind of mode or else your emotions will be on a roller coaster ride.

I'll definitely add you to my prayer list dlpandjet. ((((HUGS))))
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Reply to Gershun
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dlpandjep May 21, 2020
Thank you Gershun - I have accepted that she could leave us at any time. I think the emotional side of this is the hardest part. Thank you so much for your prayers. 🤍
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Yes! My Mom was back and forth for about four months before the “real” end. I felt like I was dying each time; I know it sounds horrible to admit, but part of me was grateful when the “real” end finally came. She was down to about 80 pounds, couldn’t swallow, and clearly had no quality of life left. She had been on hospice for a few years, and as her only POA, I made the decision to authorize the oral morphine ,and stayed with her until the end ( ten agonizing days later).
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dlpandjep May 20, 2020
I'm so sorry you went through that - both of you. Don't feel bad about your feelings - I completely understand. It's terrible watching our loved ones dying and we do whatever it takes to comfort them and ease their suffering. Thank you for sharing with me. 💕
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My mother was in the hospital the beginning of March and she was doing so poorly that she was placed on hospice mid March. The hospital said she had two weeks - 2 months to live. My daughter and I purchased a template for an obituary online and wrote it out. She was in a wheelchair after her release from the hospital but now she is walking around eating and drinking all that is placed in front of her and she has ditched her wheelchair. The staff at her memory care facility seem to be amazed at how well she is doing. I know that a person with Alzheimer's/ dementia can rally but this is a huge rally. The hospice nurse states that this does happen but my fear is that I will trick myself into thinking that she is doing so much better and then I will receive a call that she has passed. However, I guess that will be better than watching her being reduced to skin and bones anymore than she already is. My mother is currently in stage 7b
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dlpandjep May 20, 2020
Thank you Grace.
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Yes, I have heard of it. It might be temporary though, as is common with End Of Life Rally. It's hard to say what to expect, though.

Several times, my LO who has severe dementia, was in the ER and the doctors told me she was very sick and end was near. They suggested Hospice immediately. She did qualify for hospice and has been on it for 18 months! So, I can't offer any explanation.
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dlpandjep May 20, 2020
I've never heard of this, but given the dementia experience as a whole, I'm not surprised. Thank you for sharing your experience. My Mother's been on hospice before too. After 3 months, they discharged her. She's done very well for two years now.
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There is something called an "End of Life Rally" that sometimes happens prior to one's passing. Here is a link on the subject from AgingCare.com:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/when-loved-ones-rally-before-death-185452.htm

Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace as you endure this difficult process.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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dlpandjep May 20, 2020
Thank you for the info and especially for the link. I'll read about it. I really need your prayers right now. 💛
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