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My husband's cousin lives with us. I did not know him well before he moved in so it is difficult to discuss certain issues. His personal hygiene is horrible. He bathes every 3rd day and doesn't always put on clean clothes or use a washcloth. But I also think he is experiencing incontinence. So, he has his own leather chair in the family room but suddenly has decided he wants to sit on the other couch and chairs. They are leather but it means that i have to wash them down every morning or they smell like poop. My husband isn't direct enough so cousin isn't getting the hint. We have talked to him about the expectation that he shower daily and put on clean clothes but he can be very stubborn. ideas please?

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AS Sunnygirl1 suggested, the reason he is like this is important. I'm assuming that he moved in with you for a reason. Perhaps he wasn't competent to live alone? If so, why? If he is simply couldn't afford to live alone, your husband has to kindly but firmly tell him that his hygiene needs upgrading. However, if he has developed dementia, he will needed to be treated as someone who can't comprehend the need to stay clean.

A daily shower wouldn't necessarily be needed if he could clean up with a washcloth between times. Then, every other day or even what he's doing would be okay. But apparently he either doesn't see this need or can't understand it. This makes particular sense if he is becoming incontinent.

A doctor may be the best route if he won't listen to your husband or if he may have dementia.

We'd love an update to see how you are doing.
Carol
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Man up Hubs! maybe it is time for adult diapers (don't hate me) . This is a man on man talk as it's his cousin. And stock up on cleaners, but be glad it;s leather because you may be able to keep it cleaner
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Daisy, people become nose blind to their own odors. I wonder if Cousin would accept a caregiver who comes in to help him shower and get him all tidy for the day? There are such fine people that all they do is help with the bathing and dressing. Cousin might accept a stranger over a family member.

It took time for my Dad to get use to a caregiver helping him with a shower, he would refuse someone who was only in their 20's or 30's, prefer someone older. One older caregiver told Dad she raised a house full of boys so there isn't anything she hadn't seen before :)

Or you could buy what is called hospital blue-sheets to put down on the sofa and chairs. They are disposable. That would be a hint for Cousin, too. To experience with these blue sheets, you can buy puppy blue sheets at the local pet store to try them out. If that works, some companies on-line sell "seconds" which means the blue sheet is brand new and still works, but it wasn't cut correctly, etc.
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"Er Cuz could you sit in your own chair I have all my "stuff" by the one you are in"
If that does not work i think you just have to bite the bullet and cover all your chairs.
As people age it becomes very difficult to attend to personal hygiene. Joints get stiff and painful and it is very difficult to reach around and do a decent job after pooping.
Have you considered installing a bidet? i know that subject is source of great hilarity in this country but it can be a God send.
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Get some covers with the backing which makes the fabric water proof. Showering every day is unreasonable, as it washes away the good bacteria meant to kill the bad bacteria. Give him some disposable flushable wipes (I like Cottonelle because they have a plastic closeable lid), and discuss again what you expect of him while living in your house. I would like to suggest using the cleaner "Method" as it is natural, and antiseptic without the harming chemicals from other cleaners. Also, I just both their air freshener powered by air which can be sprayed, and again it is not harmful to you and the environment. Hang in there and don't sweat the small stuff.
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I bought flat mattress protectors (washable, vinyl on one side, fleecy on the other) from Target. I sewed nice cotton material on one side. I put them on every chair. Good for people, good for pets who occasionally do bad things....
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I bought washable incontinence pads for my husband. He is usually continent but has occasional accidents. Other caregivers in my support group told me you can buy the pads in various colors and designs [plaids or dark fabrics]. Some of them put a pad on all the usual spots their LO may sit.
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Amazon has waterproof cloth thickish quilted chair pads. I got Brown, matched leather. Only $10 each. Good luck!
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Was cousin like this immediately or did it occur recently? How old is he? Does he have medical issues? Is he under a doctor's care?

I'd start by trying to figure out what's going on with him. Is he just a person with poor hygiene or is he not able to comprehend that he's soiling the furniture, because if he isn't aware or has become incontinent, he may need support in insisting that he go with disposal underwear.

There are ways to go about that, but he has to be able to change disposable underwear and clean up after himself. He may not be able to do that and that's why he is smelling and messing things up. I'm not sure there are many people who are able to handle their own hygiene needs if they are incontinent due to mental reasons. Do you have the authority to talk to his doctor?
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When we had to buy a new mattress because of my friend's incontinence, used the clear plastic cover it came in to put around the cushions on the couch. We could put a washable blanket on top of the plastic, but no one objected to sitting on the plastic itself, so we never got that far. The couch was saved while one of the cloth-covered cushioned kitchen chairs had to be disposed of when it got soiled.
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