In-laws no longer want to see or talk to me, out of the blue, after 20 years of peace. At 92 & 86, I don't understand it. Advice?

Welcome to the lives of “DYSfunctional families” I am so sorry you are going through this. If it’s any consolation, you are not alone. Quick, order “But it’s your family-cutting ties with Toxic Family members and Loving Yourself in the aftermath” by Dr. Sherri Campbell.

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🥰

Plenty of that behavior going around. If after years of trying to be decent to other human beings, particularly family, and finding out to one’s dismay, that all efforts have turned out to be fruitless, through no fault of your own, what else is there to do but wash your own hands and recognize that no one can make another person like them. The repercussions concerning innocent bystanders like your own husband and family, is something they alone must come to terms with. Generally, if someone dislikes someone I truly love and care for, I tend to sadly take sides with whom I consider the closest in my life. Your In Laws want to go to their graves with bitterness towards your person, that’s their own prerogative, a choice as you say, they lucid of mind have chosen. Yes, everyone would prefer a happy family, where respect and acceptance are the norm, but sadly, since the beginnings of family and friends circles, there is a chance for rejection that may never change. They are entitled to their space in this world, but so are you to be around only those that value, respect and consider you part of their lives. Like you, don’t like you, I am sure you got bigger fish to fry than to waste precious energy on feeling sorry and troubled because your In Laws do not approve of you, regardless if they are correct in their assessment of your person, or not. Cheer up, I have a very crappy family who I seriously doubt would spent the time of day if I should go to my grave before them, not that I would notice once I take off. Best wishes from a total stranger.

It seems like there's not much you can do. If they dont' love you and are not willing to talk to you as a real human being, then it's their loss. I would cut off these toxic people and get either in home care or a facility as a last resort. Sometimes old age doesn't change some people. Narcissistic people such as these get worse with age and you're never going to change them or their mind towards you. I would say run far away and don't contact them anymore.

i would recommend you and your husband [and include your son in a session]see a counselor so that you can take care of yourselves. Unfortunately, there are a lot of dysfunctional families around. Do you all live together? If so, I would either get out if it is their home or work for them to leave if it is your home. You should not have to tolerate this. It is indeed sad that the siblings won't stand up and do the right thing for you and your family. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!

Was there anything stored in those bins your FIL may have rummaged through and read ?or saw ?that could have made him angry perhaps ? Or the strokes have brought on this behaviour perhaps.At that time of life they do tend to get worried about their money and home etc .I’m sorry you have this horrible situation and hopefully it can be resolved with a sit down talk or even a professional mediator if need be .

gisele28: Imho, your FIL's strokes have resulted in dementia and I'm sorry that he and your MIL are acting this way towards you. Perhaps you can send a basket of fruit or something else to them.

I feel so sad for you, being the brunt of your in-laws wrath has surely not been easy to live with all these years, and now to end so badly. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do right now because they seem to want to dig in their heels and are feeding off the drama. Possibly it's just one of them with the grudge, and the other spouse just backing him/her up. Let some time go, and allow your husband and son to visit without you. Hopefully things will slowly change in time, as their anger fades, and life throws it's many curve balls.