In home caregiver assistance help, what should she pay me?

Peggy, welcome to the forum!

You should not be "giving up your happiness" for your sister. Neither do her children have any "obigation" to help. Let's just be clear about that.

Is your sister paying you room and board, or are you splitting living expenses, like roommates?

If your sister requires a lot of caregiving, she should be hiring help to come in. If she is low income, she should apply for Community Medicaid to assist.

Contact your local Area Agency on Aging as a starting point. They will do a "needs assessment" and advise on her level of need and how to go about securing help. She would probably also benefit from 'case management' services.

https://www.officeonaging.ocgov.com/services/contracted-providers

Have you considered hiring an actual Personal Support Worker to help instead of her paying you? Then, you wouldn’t feel so tired and overtaxed, and she could still get the help she needs.

I would get elder services involved they can provide a cleaner , personal care attendant for bathing , look for someone who does Physical therapy . This is a 24/7 hour job and you don't have much of a life so get some inside help - most people charge $20 -$30 . You will find you become responsible for everything - groceries , cleaning products , laundry , shopping , maintenance of home , lawn , trash , doctor appointments - it doesn't end . You end up not having a life because you have taken on a job that has no boundaries . Make sure you get something out of this and self care only takes you so far . Set boundaries and chores and get her children involved . Do consult a elder attorney if she needs long term care and plan on insurance or Medicaid .
she is lucky to have you as her sister .

Maybe instead of paying you if money isnt important, she can pay for a caretaker to come 4 hours for a few days a week so you can get out and do things for yourself and have a life.
Look into places where she could have care part time and pay for that ( like a week a month) If she has financial means to do it.
Sadly the other issue is her children. How does she feel about that? Is she able to ask them for a visit so you get a break?
Lots of answers from others on fair pay but if money is less important then your feelings of losing your independence, perhaps her money is better spent on ways you can have breaks while she is cared for.

I agree with earlier posts. Your first act should be to hire help and have your sister pay for that. Determine a fair share for her to pay you for household expenses. That way you will be sharing your home, not being a full time caregiver. If you chose to act as her care manager you might agree on a weekly fee. Just managing medical appointments, PT, home help, etc. can take several hours a day!

You will know from other posts how all-consuming caring for a disabled person can be. It’s not fair to you or your sister to assume that role and then feel anger and resentment toward her family.

You didn't say anything about sis paying anything to live with you. I would direct her entire income to pay for caregiving to reduce your own hours and allow you time out of the house.

There is no fair amount of money to pay someone who is completely in charge of a disabled person 24/7/365. Even if she paid you NH rate - the nursing home people work in 8 hr shifts. You are responsible all of the time. The $$ will not give you back your life or make things easier.

Use her money for as many hours as you can. Every cent she has coming in each month. If she has savings or other assets, dig in to that as well. Perhaps it will get you out of the house again. You might call her kids and let them know what level of care you provide. It's very possible kids haven't helped because she never asked them to.

Instead, of paying you, hire a PSW to do the job.
Your 'job' should be being a sister (sounds like you are the model kind)
There is no price that can be put on your happiness and independence.. besides, she needs you healthy and happy. What good would money do you if you cannot enjoy it anyway?
If there is a way to look after your sister and yourself at the same time, go that route even if you split it between you and a psw ...but in taking care of your sister you have to also take care of yourself.
She is so lucky to have you for a sister and I am guessing she knows it.

You can be her advocate. You do not need to be her only caregiver.
Several posts have given you ideas how to get help.
You should not be giving up your life to care for her. Would she want you to? Would she give up her life to care for you? Truthfully, we might say we would but in reality that is a tough ask of someone.
And more importantly let her do what she can for herself even if it takes her longer than it would take you to do the task.
There may come a time when Assisted Living will be a better option.
AND your sister should pay you.
Document, document, document.
Have a contract.
Any money that she spends for her care should be documented so that there are no problems later.

Most home health aides that work for an agency make minimum wage and work 4-8 hour shifts.

It might be wise to consider getting more help for your sister during the day most weekdays. Consider asking family members, friends, and members of faith community to volunteer. Consider if your sister has resources to pay for an adult day program - usually weekdays in a personal care home or nursing home - which is probably the least expensive "paid caregiver" option. The next option is to hire a home health aide for at least a shift or 2 during the week. Residential care is the most expensive option but is covered by Medicare and Medicaid.

I pay the caregivers who take care of my Mom $23/hour and time and a half if they work over 40 hrs. ($34.50/hour). My mother has Alzheimers.