My Grandma, who is 95 & my last living relative, is on the verge of Dementia and has made my life extremely difficult the last year. She has spread lies about me, defamed my character, called me bipolar ( I am not) in the town I grew up in. I stepped out of her life for a month due to dangerous allegations. During that time she fell x2. The last put her in the hosp and then rehab, due to her knees buckling, I am her POA. One doctor told me she is having strong delusions and believes them, but is competent. Nursing home Dr told me she has dementia, the start of it, Social worker says she does not & will be discharged home. She told the hospital that a friend was her brother, and he is just a friend. It's manipulation to get home and have him fill her med minders. Something I used to do and only state-certified people can do. This is very concerning. She is blind and will not accept paid support. If she is competent, I cannot do anything for long-term placement, and I don't know what to do? Any suggestions? I can tell you, I have provided care for 9 years, and this behavior started in the last year, and each time I see her, she begins an argument. I have endured mental and emotional abuse for a year and I feel I must remove myself, to save myself. She pays anyone that does something for her with cash (grass cutting, bushes cut, house painting, etc, the problem is she is legally blind and cannot see the denominations and will not let me help her. I am her POA—any suggestions.
Some doctors know little about dementia. "Strong delusions and believes them" shouldn't be ignored because that IS something wrong, and it certainly could affect her competence. For instance, my Rude Aunt, age 88, had strong delusions that there was nothing wrong with my dad despite the doctors' reports, diagnosis of cancer, and dementia. All we needed to do was feed him mashed potatoes, which would help get rid of the cancer, and make sure he did Sudoku puzzles that he could no longer do, which would help his dementia. This delusion caused major trouble because everything she associated with my dad was driven by her irrational thinking. She told people these things, which caused others not to trust me (until they figured out by observation that she was wrong). She threatened to take me, his POA, to court to prove dad WAS competent, but he'd never been declared incompetent because he still was, according to his estate lawyer. Delusions need to be taken seriously. Rude Aunt herself was mentally incompetent due to her delusions; dad's hospice doctor identified this and suggested she get help for her denial, but she refused counseling because she knew she was okay! At least your grandma's nursing home doctor seems to have a handle on her situation, and that doctor should know because he/she sees dementia a lot in the course of that job.
There are associations to help blind people in most parts of the US. Lighthouse For The Blind comes to mind; I'm sure if you search online in your area you will find some organizations like it that have the resources grandma needs. There may be volunteers, special equipment to help her, and advice about living arrangements. You could ask her eye doctor for guidance to a group that offers help to the visually impaired and the blind. Where I live, there is a club for the visually impaired that meets regularly to help each other and to find info that will make their lives easier. I hope you find the right help for your grandmother (the "right" help being the kind that gets her away from you).
You cannot get her placed as long as everyone keeps saying she is competent (if delusional).
I am sorry you chose to have POA.
I myself would resign that POA by letter while she is still considered competent.
I would not attend her anymore.
You have given us history. You cannot manage an uncooperative senior who is considered to be competent enough to be on her own.
If you are next of kin, then when grandmother falls again you will be called either by a hospital or a coroner. If the former, I would tell them she isn't safe at home and you resigned POA because she will not be managed in getting care. That you did this while you were assured, she is competent.
Your grandmother has had her life.
Whether she dies in her own home (which I imagine she would prefer) or lives another year or so miserable in a nursing home, hardly seems worth arguing at this point.
Not everything can be fixed.
We can be SORRY for that fact, but that just doesn't change it.