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I help my mother as much as I can-her mind is strong she makes her own meals, pays her bills and runs her own home but needs help changing sheets, laundry and arranging things like a new doctor and transportation to her doctor and she has her affairs in order...she also has someone help her with her financial records at tax time...problem is sibling feels she should just go into a home and sign her home and money over..she has arthrits and needs help with physical tasks at times...her eyesight is failing and causes her nighttime visual hallucinations but is realizing maybe shes not seeing whats in front of her...overall she is in excellent health except anxiety she is having provoked by my sibling and her brother in law who have recently announced I need to step aside let the sibling take control of everything and have her placed in a home...if they really pushed it how could we stop them from placing her...\I once had concerns about days her arthritis is making her feel unwell but realize that is to be expected and I ma in process of having home services visit a couple times a week...she has a foot care person attend once a month, a hairdresser attend and has yard staff arranged to keep her property in respectable shape...please advise...her brother in law and nephew who suggested I step aside is trying to convince me she is like his wife who is in a home with advanced alzheimers..my mother is nothing like that, her only problem is loneliness and anxiety at times

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Caregiver 1963, make sure you are right about your mom being safe to live alone with help. She has good help, but you may be seeing the beginning of sundowning and nighttime confusion; you can make sure lighting is better for her, sure...but you know, severe enough arthritis to affect daily activities and hallucinations are not really "excellent health." It may be time for you to initiate more of a comprehensive geriatric evaluation to see if there are other ways to help her feel and function better in her own home; it may be that brother is very worried about her functioning safely with the amount of help that is available, and either he is right, you are seeing through rose-colored glasses OR he is not right and she will be OK either as she is or with more help that is available.

In Canada, is there not an equivalent of Adult Protective Services that would go in and assess a vulnerable elder if it was reported they are not safe? And if so, what would they really say? It is hard to be objective and realistic about your own parent, and needs for support will increase. Your best bet may be to pre-empt your brother and really assess with the help of third parties what the current status really is, including fall risk and risks of confusion at night, what should be watched for, and what all your good options really are.
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cwille, I felt sorry for him and allowed him to stay here after he had a heart attack but while living here found out he is a slob alcoholic who I don't want around me or my mother in terms of living together. I would never change financial poa as that is the only power I have as my parents were stupid and made the healthcare poas 50/50 which makes them invalid basically in my view since neither of us will ever agree on anything which forces it to go to court in the end as if there was no poas to begin with.
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Philis, lets see if I have this right.
Your mom lives with you in your apt and she is paying the rent.
Your brother is living with both of you now while he looks for his own place but will need financial help from mom to pay first/last deposit.
You have financial POA and you and bro share healthcare POA.

How did your brother come to be living with you if you don't want him around? It seems your mom enjoys his company and he can motivate her to get up and out, which in my opinion is a good thing. You can you arrange that their visits are at his place or other outings, you don't have to welcome him into your own home.

As for changing the financial POA, that can only be done by your mom, not him. Are you afraid that he will influence your mom to go to a lawyer and have the POA changed?

We really need more information to comment intelligently. Is she competent? How much care does your mom need? Do you have a caregiving contract?
BTW, you probably won't get much advice here as this is a thread about Canadian issues, you might want to go to the 'get answers' box and post a new question.
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I am wondering this for canada except to be forced for parent to be taken to be shared with a sibiling who has 50/50 poa for care but NOT poa for financial. I take care of my mother with primary financial poa in my apt but using her money, and my brother is living here now but not on the lease. My brother would need my mother's money to get his own apt as he has no job, but I want to know after he gets an apt if he can force 50/50 guardianship as well since the poa is 50/50 for healthcare. It is bad because my mother is usually in bed and I won't refuse him taking her out for a couple hours but she hardly will ever want this, so he will want to come over here to sit in the apt regularly with her which I don't want him in here ever again after I get him out as he is a slob and an alcoholic.
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I don't really have any suggestions but just wanted to bump this post up so any others in Canada could see it.
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No one can literally be forced into a retirement home, even by family with POA, but in reality many give in to pressure from their families because they don't want to fight.

It sounds as though you have things figured out for your mom, but I want to offer another perspective. At 87 she just wants to stay where things are familiar, but perhaps she deserves to be pampered a little. Retirement homes (assistive living) is a whole other world from the nursing home, she would have her own room and independence yet also have meals, cleaning services, and companionship. I also allowed my mom to remain in her home, but in hindsight I feel she would have benefited from more social interaction.

As for your sibling 'taking control of everything', and 'signing her home and money over', does this sib have POA? Perhaps mom's home would have to be sold if she moved, that only makes sense, but the proceeds are hers and should remain hers to cover her needs. I assume this is an effort to avoid future probate, and any money would be divided equitably? Although she is now 87 people are living a frighteningly long time today, 10 to 15 years of assistive living will take a lot of cash, even in Canada.
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How can they force her? Do they have power of attorney or health care proxy? If your mom is competent she can change the documents that give the power away. I am not in Canada.
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