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My dad is dying of stage four liver cancer and my sister insisted on taking care of him in her home. She is an RN who has not been in active nursing for a while, she works for an insurance company. She has never been compassionate and enjoys people thinking she is a saint. She was a golden child of our abusive parents, I was raised with no self-esteem and lived on my own since age 14. I am very sick now with the same problems as my dad, only lungs.

I visited my dad, who was planning on paying off the mortgage on my house, there is a little bit left, as the mortgage is in his name and no mortgage insurance. He tried to show me his will but it was missing, he wanted me to have a copy, he was very upset that he could not find it. I am the second executor. My sister got him to change this will and then started giving him pain meds and morphine and cut off contact with me. I asked for a copy of the will and it leaves everything to her and her kids. Even the repayment of his debts are up to her discretion, and I have been removed and her son replaced as backup executor. She has gotten rid of his personal possessions though I have a right to half of those, which is basically some clothing and some papers perhaps and photos. She screamed at me for asking for an inexpensive momento be sent to my eldest son, who bowed out of receiving anything from the estate and gave his share to my sisters granddaughter.

My sister always hit her kids, as did her husband, and my parents even saw her push her son with cerebral palsy down the stairs and then kick him on the ground. When the kids were teens they asked me why their mother didn't love them. I covered for her, for the kids sake. My sister also stole money from a house by harrassing our mom out of a lifetime lease she had. I tried to warn my dad not to make her his caregiver and representative.

My sister resents my dad was paying off my house. she flew into a rage because I emailed her, thanking her for helping my dad and explaining to her that I may have only a couple years left and I am so poor. She starting complaining about caring for him and sent me a nasty hand scribbled letter with all caps and underlines on words and a new will that was unsigned, undated, no attorney name and leaving everything to her and her family.

I asked if I could have the attorney's name who did the new will and she refused and screamed at me how she was cleaning up s*** and vomit and she can't deal.

My mom says the new will is suspicious and my dad would not have agreed to some of the changes if he knew. But he is too zonked now to talk. They claim he has "fallen" in the middle of the night several times.

My sister has told me that mom and dad "beat the s*" out of her, she has always felt entitled.

This whole situation feels very wrong and my sister needs help, mental help. She is on medication for a psychiatric condition. I think she may have had some trouble as a nurse. She's a narcissist with a significant narcissist fan club. Few really know her.

I live several states away from her, she is in Indiana. APS is part of criminal justice there. I would like someone to check on my dad in light of what I know and have documented. This is abuse, right? Just before this, my dad called and was so sad and said he missed me and that my sister told him that she was going to call me and have me come see him in October but she said he is out of his mind. I have not heard from him. My mom says he can no longer talk due to coughing and sleeping so much.

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Thanks lsmiami and gladimhere. I'm having trouble handling anything right now. It is hard as my health isn't good and going downhill, and dealing with my kids and my dad. My dad does not know I am sick. He kept wanting me to do things I could not do, I tried to tell him once early on but he interrupted. I care about my dad. It is hard for me to go through this right now, I wish my disease could have waited. I wish I could be a better daughter to him and be stronger I am so sad at losing him.
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Thanks lsmiami and gladimhere. I'm having trouble handling anything right now. It is hard as my health isn't good and going downhill, and dealing with my kids and my dad. My dad does not know I am sick. He kept wanting me to do things I could not do, I tried to tell him once early on but he interrupted. I care about my dad. It is hard for me to go through this right now, I wish my disease could have waited. I wish I could be a better daughter to him and be stronger I am so sad at losing him.
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Your sister is either sick or just mean. You are ill and I cannot tell if you are more concerned about dad, the money or sibling hate. Your dad raised you both......oh my...too late for any of these leopards to change their spots. Try to let go of the hate, dislike or whatever it is you have for your sis. Try to see your dad off in peace his final days. And try to fight your own battle with cancer in as much peace as possible.....forget dad paying your mortgage or any such thing.
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Sad, if the nurse suspects any sort of abuse she is probably required by law to report it. Use very careful consideration before calling APS. There are penalties for false reporting.
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Thanks MaggieMarshall, he is on hospice at her house and the va would cover him being in a facility I think if need be. A nurse comes once a week maybe less. Yeah I have trouble explaining what is going on. I am also terminally ill and am having some trouble sometimes organizing thoughts and figuring out why I am worried. She has posted some pictures and that has helped, I feel much better by seeing him. My mother had described a pretty grim scene. He looks okay, not happy but okay. He looks okay enough that he should still be able to call for help. I have the number for APS there. I wish there was some way the nurse could know that if something seems amiss they can contact me, I think they may have gotten my number.
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Call APS and calmly tell them what you think your sister is doing that is unsafe for your dad. They don't give a tinker's dam! about the financial aspect. Not one little iota. If your dad isn't on hospice, he should be -- that can be your opening salvo to APS. "My dad should be on hospice, and my sister isn't letting that happen."

Let all the rest of it go.

Frankly? It's too late.
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Thank you Eyerishlass. I thought the abuse to me was just my sister distancing for financial reasons, but may be her unloading. My mother will help me. I don't care about the money bit, it is just creepy what is happening and her attitude. I'm sorry but I'm not used to this type of behavior, and think someone has to be pretty mentally ill to do this stuff, pamstegman, I don't hate my sister but I don't drink the koolaid either, whether you bully me by insulting me and using upper case letters or someone else. I'm sorry if I touched a nerve with you. This stuff happens. My sister won't put my dad in a nursing home no matter what, she doesn't want them to take his money, and I feel, she may think she is doing okay when really, she should hire someone and take a break. And then she can lose it. You weren't there during my life, I was and I know my sister. The screaming from her wasn't happening even a month ago. My mother is concerned, I am concerned. My mother is there but old and afraid to confront my sister.
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OK, we get it, you hate your sister. Aside from that, if you are several states away, you have not actually witnessed anything. My advice is that you seek a therapist to help you cope with anger and grief.
Nobody gets any money until the Nursing Home is paid, all HIS debts are paid. That includes the mortgage, paid from the Estate, AFTER he dies. Not now. That is the law.
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I'm wondering why your dad's will leaves everything to your sister and not to your mom?

You can call APS and they will most likely come out to investigate but unless there's proof that your sister is abusing your dad APS can't do anything. It's more of a "he said/she said" situation.

Your only real recourse at this point is to speak to an elder law attorney but if your dad has his will and other papers signed an all buttoned up I'm not confident that can be undone. Maybe you can obtain guardianship of your dad, but there's also your mom to take into account so I'm not sure how that would work.
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