I'm unsure what to do about my grandmother. Any advice?

One thing that is easy for you to do would be to take a urine sample (you can get a "hat" for the toilet to collect it) to check for a UTI, which could account for many of her symptoms, it is be easily treated and would make her much more comfortable.

Personally I'd want her checked out so I'd know what exactly I was dealing with even if you choose not to treat it, but if she is adamant then I think you should enroll her in Hospice. While she may need an initial check from a doctor in order to qualify beyond that their goal is to keep her comfortable and to offer support to her caregivers, it also eliminates any difficulty that might arise with a home death.

I don't think that vomiting when she drinks is a UTI symptom. Although UTIs can become serious if left untreated because they can devolve into sepsis, she has something more going on (and she could also have a UTI at the same time because they are very common in elderly women and are not necessarily caused by hygiene habits).

Your grandmother has put your family into a challenging situation. Since she resists going the the doctor or hospital, it has to be explained to her that if she doesn't get an exam, she won't even be qualified for hospice which may mean that when your family is then forced to eventually call an ambulance when her conditions goes beyond what she and her family can endure, the medical staff will be required to employ heroic efforts to "save" her life. This means lots of medicine, IVs, treatments, CPR (if it gets to that)... she should at least assign your mom as her PoA and create an Advance Healthcare Directive (Living Will) so that she can waive off any further "therapeutic" medical actions and decisions and just receive comfort care at home. The irony is, she is less in control by not going to the doctor or lawyer. If you can impress this upon her, if she is able to comprehend it and has the strength to respond, it may move her forward so that her wishes can be respected without duress to her family.

I think if it gets bad enough your mom can certainly call 911. If she allows herself to be taken, your mom can ask to speak with the hospital staff and also a social worker to figure out where to go with her care and perhaps getting hospice set up. Even if Grandma musters up the strength to wave off the EMTs, there is record that your family did the right thing. May you receive peace in your hearts.

GMA is free to refuse, but in your shoes, I'd call 911. Those handsome EMTs can be very persuasive.

And if she refuses, you have an official "refusal of care" with EMT witnesses to back you up.

You local Area Agency on Aging may keep a list of doctors who make house calls for elderly homebound pateints. Consider going that route.

I was in the same position with my 94 year old father. I did manage to convince him to go to the hospital and after his release we had a virtual follow up appointment. At that appointment my Dad was adamant that he would not go back to a hospital and the only treatment available in his condition was medication. He was placed on Hospice and he passed away at the end of September. I am glad he was able to have control and doubly glad he did not suffer at the end of his life. He was comfortable and passed very peacefully.

I like Barb Brooklyn's answer. At the least call 911 and if GM refuses to go to hospital, the EMT will have it documented of the refusal to seek treatment. I would say that is the line of least resistance.

If GM is competent, she can decide for herself what she wants to do.

The other options mentioned is to get her urine checked, and see if hospice can evaluate her.

Can you get a hospice organization to have a home visit from a doctor to evaluate her and qualify her for care?

Call in for a hospiice evalation. A hospice doctor will only come if she is accepted as a hospice patient. It is all paid by Medicare.

The requirement for hospice is that someone does not receivre certain kinds of care. However, a hospice dcctor will visit her at home as well as nurses, aides and she will receive what she needs to bre comfortable.

She has obviousl made the decision that she does not want to prolong her life and that is her choice to make.

My feeling is that every person should be free to choose their medical care (or choose not to have medical care), especially after age 70. Looking back, I believe my mom knew something was wrong with her (and our family doctor believes this, too) and she chose to let it get past "the point of no return" before seeking a diagnosis. That was her choice and I supported it. We made the best of her last month of life. She was 79 years old. It was her choice. If the time comes that she has pain or discomfort you can begin Hospice and/or get medical advice and care virtually.

Right or wrong, if we have our minds, we have a right to make choices that affect us. Some people just simply refuse to see a doctor and unless it is forced on them, it will not happen. You can ask Adult Protective Services what they think you should do. I think she is nearing the end and knows it and wants to be left in peace. I would honor that.

She needs to be on hospice care to keep her comfortable. She is dying and deserves to not be in pain. Hospice can happen in her home. It’s her decision to not “ do anything”. You can not get into trouble for following her wishes. Good luck 🍀