I’m trying to get through every day, even though it is so depressing and just want my Mom to die, is that normal?

Follow
Share

I have been my Mom’s caregiver for 8 years. No help from family members. She is in the end stages of dementia. Can do nothing for herself. I have hospice a couple times a week, and 3 times a week an aide comes in for a couple hours. I am still emotionally and physically drained. She is 92 and I am 68. How long can she hang on?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
6

Answers

Show:
Tanya67, I feel your distress. As one about to embark on caring for my mother at home, the task seems daunting, but the daily 40 minute drive to her house to check on her is taking a toll. I wish I had an answer for the right thing to do, but it's such an unbelievably personal choice for all of us. Blessing and positive energy for you, your mother and your family.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Tanya67, there comes a point when us seniors can no longer keep up the pace of caring for a very elderly parent. We are just so emotionally and physically drained. Bet it is ruining your health. Eight years sounds like a life time.

I know this might not be a choice you want, there comes a time to let a nursing home take over the care. When my Mom [also in her 90's] had a serious fall which accelerated her dementia into late stages, I knew there was no way I could care for her, she needs a Staff of professionals who have been down this road hundreds of times over. My Mom's quality of life was totally gone. She went into long-term-care, where thankfully she passed peacefully after three months.

Ask yourself, what if something happens to you? Who in the family will take your place? If no one, then can you see why a nursing home is the place for Mom. Unless Mom was savings to have 3 shifts of caregivers each day at home.

I know children promise their parent that they would never go into a nursing home, but that was back when the parent was still active, driving a car, doing their own grocery shopping, and meeting up with friends.

None of this is fair for you or fair for your Mom.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thankyou for your answers. It really is not the work as much as watching her suffer with no quality of life. I do go to a huge 5 minute away dog park. That is my therapy. Seeing all types of dogs and talking to the owners. I am there for 2 hours, every other day. As far as a facility, did it a year ago for 10 months. Bad idea. She went down faster. She also has stopped talking. I have a helpful husband, but he can only do so much. I just have to hang in there. One day at a time. I do have some good days. Thank goodness for my pets. I agree with the death with dignity law, also. Hang in with your Dad. Happy Thanksgiving, all.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Might it be time to consider a facility for your mom? You are obviously a very loving daughter, but sound like you are at the end of your rope. I think the question isn't how much longer your mom can hang on (which could be years), but how much longer you can. Your workload sounds crushing to me.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My father is only in the moderate stage dementia stage. When he's coherent to know what's happening, he gets extremely depressed and says he just wants to die since he will no longer be able to do the things he loved. He talks suicide all the time. I think Oregon (with death with dignity law) has it right. I find comfort from yoga, meditation, long hot baths, reading, connecting with friends. And good advice to visit your doctor. Hang in there, be good to yourself, wishing you peace.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am so sorry that you’re going though this. There is no timetable for death. No one can predict someone else’s last days.

Is there any way you can get more help with Mom? Maybe in exchange for accepting their refusal to help and taking care of Mom yourself, other family members could pitch in financially to get you more help. Also, you might want to speak with your doctor. If you haven’t had a complete physical in a while, you may benefit from an antidepressant.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions