I take care of hubs gram (TBI, dementia, epilepsy& jak2 gene mutation) taking care of grams meds bills and dr. appts , raising 2 girls 12&7 and help him with his construction business as needed, plus ALL housework, I burn papers, usually do the grocery shopping, pay OUR bills plus we have 3 dogs and a cat oh yea and I do some mowing in the summer. Am I just hallucinating or is tht not enough to do to almost kill an ordinary person???

I had to get on antidepressants recently because I was ready to pack and run from it ALL. Hubs has recently taken to nagging me about painting the entire inside of the house hounding me about the house not being "perfect" and because I don't want to engage in "maritals" . Now I'm no rocket scientist but I'm pretty sure IU pull more than my fair share of the weight in this prison, I mean house. Am I nuts or are my hubs and inlaws the most selfish, I've ever met? I feel used and walked on and I almost never get a good job you're doing your best until I've about lost it. Is it me?

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Invite them to come over and do the job if they feel it is soooo easy. In fact, demand it. Set a week that they will do this...and then you announce that on that week you will be gone. Then on that day...leave.

i am betting when you return a week later there will be a whole new perspective on the caregiver roll. If not, then you may have to start thinking about having hubs gram put in a nursing home.

when my parents were the caregivers for gram.... the rest of the family was quite willing to dump the whole thing on them. After years, finally they called a family powwow and announced they were moving at the end of the month...without gram. (Even though it was their house). Oh wow the panic. But, gram was moved to a nursing home before the end of that month! My parents just made it clear exactly what day the plug would be pulled and refused to discuss any plan that included them still living with gram.
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Hugs! If he wants you to paint the house, he needs to have some one else care for grams. None caregivers DO NOT get the strain and stress of dealing with a grown toddler, nor of dealing with growing children. Keeping a house is a 24/7/365 job and men that work outside of the house are clueless.

One of the hardest things as a housewife, that I experienced after retiring, is the lack of motivation, I had nothing pressing, nothing to look forward to except more of the same, cook, clean, shop, laundry, schedule appointments wash, rinse, repeat! I was going mad with the boredom of the same stuff day after day, week after week, month after month. Sounds like you have hit that wall. You're tied to the house because of grams, you have to much to do to feel like adding a fun activity for you and you have a clueless husband.

I am sorry that you are going through this.

I found if I scheduled something for me at least once a month and scheduled a date night, that we had to get dressed up for and it was going to be fun, I had something out of the daily grind and it helped me feel less overwhelmed and resentful of it all. It gave me something to be creative about, it's not easy finding outings that both of us could enjoy and it really mixed things up. I don't do the same day every month, sometimes it two weekends in a row because that's how the timing works.

It sounds like you would benefit from time that is just all about you. Then you might feel more wanting of your maritals. I will say that this aspect of life is much more important for men, it's how they connect, it helps them know all is well and it keeps their heads screwed on right. It is a cause for loads of marriages failing, so for your sake and your kids, you really need to reconnect with your husband. Maybe a weekend away to hash out all the built up crap and then to make up.

You both sound overwhelmed with it all and if you could find your way back to being a team, working together it really would make things easier.

I hope you find a way through this thing called life.
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