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1.rarely have a day to myself


2. Her home/house


3. Dad died 7 years ago July


4. 3 siblings- 2 in town; one works full time sees mom Sunday’s ; other married with busy married life and grandparenting out of town. I’ve asked both to give me a break spending the day with mom as she HATES to be alone! Then gets irritated with me


5. Mom will not reach to friends or go to any social resources bc of declining second language ( English ) ability plus very shy

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Clare1, one thing I learned is that a senior citizen should not be taking care of older senior citizens, it is just too exhausting that can lead to our own health risks. I learned that the hard way trying to help my 90+ parents.

My parents [90+] still living in their house, at that time still viewed me as being in my 20's with a ton of energy. Well, that boat left years ago. Even me waving my Medicare card and AARP membership didn't clue them in.

I didn't know I could set boundaries until I landed on this website. So, time for you to set boundaries with your own Mom. She won't like it, but at our age we are dealing with our own age decline issues.

Both my folks were doing well for being in the 90's, but they had stopped driving [thankfully] but that meant I was doing the driving for them, and how I hated to drive. That caused me to start having panic attacks as soon as I climbed into their vehicle [which I disliked big time, felt like I was driving the Queen Mary down the highway].

When my Mom passed, Dad was ready to box up everything and move to senior living. He had a lovely 2 bedroom apartment with full kitchen. He said if he knew places like this existed, he would have moved years earlier.

Dad, even being socially shy, liked the idea of so many people of his generation living in the facility. At dinner time, the facility matched Dad up with a couple from Dad's home State and a town he was familiar with. And Dad would leave the door to his apartment opened so folks walking down the hall would call in "Hi, Bob" which he liked. He just loved the place. Selling his house help pay for the monthly rent. So, that is something for your Mom to think about.
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So sorry that you are struggling with this. Forget about siblings. Would be nice if they would help. They aren’t going to for their own reasons.

Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area? Start there. They will do an assessment on your mom and send help if you are approved.

Can you speak to her doctor for a referral for a social worker to help you choose options for her care?

Best wishes to you and your mom.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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