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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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While it is rare indeed for a husband to care give in the home until the end of their wife's life, especially when she has dementia, it is hopefully not unheard of. I know that ALL of the men in my caregivers support group ended up placing their wives as their dementia progressed in facilities as they were not about to deal with their wives incontinence and wandering. However there are also a lot of women that don't/can't deal with those issues as well, as caregiving is not for everyone. More women by nature tend to be able to care give for their spouse longer in the home than most men in my opinion, thus probably why you don't hear about too many husbands on here that stick it out with their wife with dementia at home. We all have to do what works best for all involved, and often that will mean placing a loved one in a facility. If you are one of the rare birds that is still caring for your wife with dementia at home....God bless you.
Not exactly what you’re asking….my mother lived four years completely unable to do anything physically at all, in a nursing home, a two person assist for everything. My dad was present every day, twice a day, for hours each time. He ensured her care was good, he took her outside, he made sure her clothing was clean, matched, and stylish. He helped with feeding before that was lost, and took her to doctor’s appointments and activities. When she neared the end, he sat and held her hand for hours. He demonstrated the meaning of the vows he’d taken fifty plus years prior. So yes, husbands do provide care, including at the end of life. Perhaps they aren’t as often recognized or as apt to seek support, but they certainly exist
My father is taking care of my mother. She has dementia, diabetes and a suprapubic catheter. He is wonderful with her. Honestly, More than I would be able to do. I worry he is overwhelmed but he will not have it any other way. His commitment is very admirable.
I see husband caregivers all the time at my husband’s memory care facility. One visits every day and brings their dog. Another brings other members of the family to see his wife. These husbands have done the best they could when their wives still lived at home. They knew when it was time for their wives to enter professional care.
Im 36 and my girlfriend is 43, she suffers from factor five blood liden, diabetes and epilepsy....I've been with my girlfriend for two years on October 30th.. She had a stroke only 7 months after we got together. July 11th 2024. She's paralyzed on the left side of her body and amputee on the right leg. Bed ridden, I've been her FULL TIME caregiver since the day it happened. I never left the hospital and went with her to rehab. I can say its been the HARDEST thing, mentally, emotionally, and physically, that ive EVER done... But i only let my shower witness the overwhelming ache that its causing, i dont want my sweet girl to feel as if shes a burden after all shes gone through.. and i still remind her every single day how shes the most beautiful human being ive ever seen. So yes, WE DO, VERY MUCH SO, EXIST.🙏🙏 God bless everyone
I recall several men that have posted questions and answered questions. I think (oops here I go with a generalization..) men tend to not "share" as much as women do. Even though this is an anonymous forum it may still be difficult.
You are correct, I tend not to share much but ready today. I’m 78, wife 80, married 60 years this month and I suspected dementia 8/2015, while driving alone 120 miles from daughter’s home. Twice crying hard sitting along I-5. Burst into tears when my daughter opened the door, I said I’m not getting in Amtrak, forget going to my class reunion. She thought I couldn’t leave Mom so never told her my thoughts suspecting dementia. My Mother had no physical problems and died from dementia under my care in my home at age 86. Read this forum daily, thinking I should reply, ask questions or give my opinion. We, (daughter wife and myself) attend two events monthly Alzheimer’s Tennessee. Attended caregiver meeting June, July and August. Face to face listening to caregivers was to emotionally draining for me. Seeing and hearing in person what caregivers experience was a negative experience for me. Especially the male caregiver in his 50’s who’s wife suffering from early onset dementia. Ten years, 8/2025 a long time but a flood of tears stopped me on the interstate again. I am so blessed to have a daughter who is very knowledgeable, available any time my wife has issues or I go out if state meeting old friends or family events. My wife has no physical problems and on no prescription medications. This is rare at age 80 so Geriatric doctor specializes in dementia care only prescribed alcohol to control anxiety, burst of anger, screaming and swearing. We know the benefits of wine and have always had a glass with supper. We start with 1/2 glass and seldom need additional. She learned to self medicate, really. At breakfast my wife said I didn’t want to wake you to ask so had wine and walked and walked until calmed down. She was so proud of herself. During daytime she asks for wine when anxiety gets bad and not able to think or be in control. My wife prefers not to leave home, her safe place. She will walk alone most AM’s in our neighborhood without fear. She is comfortable home alone during daylight hours if I text every few hours and there is no thunderstorm. Until this month we never felt her pattern of behavior fit criteria identifying with any type of dementia. My daughter and I attended a symposium for medical students. Finding Behavioral-variant Frontotemporal Dementia. My daughter and I decided to study extensively this new material and then compared notes. We conclude 100% identifies symptoms.
As Woman from Birth we are raised To be good daughters by Our Nurturing Mothers and Bread winner fathers . Then we go On to be educated , work , have careers , Meet a mate and Have Babies .After that we send Our children to college and go through the empty nest syndrome . A lot of People divorce after the children grow . We Think we are going to get a break and travel and Live Out Our dreams . Well Mom Gets sick and Passes, a sibling or 2 gets sick and Passes and Dad comes down with Dementia . Is Life Fair ? No . As woman we go from woman hood, Mother hood to the caregiving Journey . My Mother Passed at 77 - she had 2 schizophrenic sons so she was a caregiver and Nurse her whole Life . My Dad Has Alzheimers and is going on 89 . My Dead Beat Step father Had everyone taking care of him his whole Life he is 89 . Was Life fair to My Mother who also got Dementia - No - she was a beautiful Lady . My Hats are off to all the Men who are Caregivers and gentleman Obviously They were raised properly .
My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s five years ago. We managed at home for two years until I realized I needed help. I tried in home care but she would not let them in the house. Finally I moved her to memory care, spent several months selling the house and business, and moved in with her. We are living in memory care. Last year after a hospital stay for pneumonia she was enrolled with hospice.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned that it’s common for the husband to be older than the wife and likely to become sick, disabled, or die first. Every male in my family has died before his wife needed care.
Not the only one, clearly. When my wife was diagnosed with Dementia due to ALZ at the age of sixty, it was a devastating diagnosis. She was a critical care registered nurse her whole adult life, smart and devoted and driven. It took six years for this disease to end her life, and it was a very rough journey. I was with her every step of the way, every day and every minute. Kept her home, and just dealt with it, and thank goodness that I had the mental and physical strength to do so. Home hospice came in to help the final week, and maybe I should have had them become involved sooner, but the decisions regarding health issues can be confusing. If the love is there, it is amazing what you can do. When she took her last breath, two years ago, it was a relief that her suffering was over. But, I still miss her every day.
Your journey showed others how you lived out the marriage vows, much as my dad did his. What a gift you were to your precious wife, I’m sure she felt your love always
Currently going thru that with my mom and dad. Both 87. Mom with early on set dementia with my dad as her primary caregiver and my four brothers and me as backup. Most of live within 20m of them(me less than 10). I being oldest take care of their banking with them signing checks for bills. I take care of getting and doling out her daily prescriptions. Everyone one of us visit almost weekly to take pressure off dad so he can go out and do yard work, go to the hardware store or grocery store. Anything to give him some time to himself to relax and unwind mentally. Its becoming more and more stressful for him to be her caretaker 24/7.
My dad was my mom's caregiver for the last three years (post-stroke) of her life. I was amazed at how he stepped up and did so much for her. Much of that time, Mom was on hospice care. For my sister and I, it was a blessing in that we had more eyes on mom regularly. I talked to dad every night at 7:00 pm (before her stroke, I talked to mom a few times a week at 7:00 pm, but she lost her words). Dad kept me updated on the day, any details I needed to know, and then I relayed it all to my sister. At the end, she developed a UTI that went undiagnosed for three weeks. That put her in a mental hospital first, then a regular hospital, and finally in a nursing home where she passed at 89.
You might like to check out a YouTube channel called John and Heather's Dementia Journey. John became Heather's caregiver after her diagnosis. She was well aware of what her future held, but decided with John to document their life. In March of this year, it finally became safer for Heather to be in a memory care home. He has continued to document her inevitable decline, and only recently began acknowledging that she may be nearing the end. Watching his vidoes, so often I can related to what he is telling us. I'm sure it will strike a chord with you as well.
My wife was diagnosed with dementia 5 yrs ago but of course she had it before then, not sure how long. She is 1 yr older than I. Fortunately she is light, abut 99lbs, and I am still fit enough to help her and lift her when she falls. She is now under palliative care and it will advance to Hospice any time now. Constant discussion with her Neurologist. My intent is to keep her home to the end, if I can possible keep her from going into a home. As I described I have a lucky combination and can still handle her. The on line support groups and educational webinars are very helpful for me.
OldCaptain cared for his beloved wife Luz for over a decade in home, and she had FTD I believe. He did so lovingly and devotedly, not to mention single handedly. Captain was, and probably still is, an amazing man. He carved out a new normal for Luz, letting her sleep naked because the adult briefs aggravated her. And he cleaned up the messes every day w/o complaint. After she died, he stopped posting here.
There's another gentleman who posts here, I can't think of his username at the moment, who cared for his wife with dementia at home as well. He's extremely empathetic and well spoken, I know he's helped tons of posters here.
Andiamo, this is your first post. I'm surprised you've never seen men posting about caring for their wives on hospice, bc there are quite a few.
My condolences on your difficult situation. God bless you and give you strength during such a sad time.
Why don't you join the "Alzheimers/Dementia Caregiver's Support Group." There are plenty of husbands who are caregivers in that online group. Everyone there can empathize because they have all gone through what you are going through. You can ask questions, receive support, and VENT without judgement. Look for "Thom" in that group, for some empathy, as he is going through something similar to your situation.
My Mom had dementia/Alzheimers and was eventually under Hospice care at home. My father, who was in his 80s at the time, and suffered from severe COPD, was her primary caretaker. They were in the process of building an addition for my brother and sister-in-law to live in to care for them.
Sure, there were hospice people in and out and Dad hired a woman they knew for sit with Mom, help feed her, etc. That way, Dad could relax and have some down time, go to the store or pharmacy, etc. But, when there was nobody there, Dad did it all. I worked only a few minutes away and would stop after work to visit and go down some weekends to cook and spend time with them. I was also available if he needed help with "cleaning her up" after having an accident.
He loved her and swore he would never put her in a home and that's what he did. Mom died unexpectedly in 2016 before the addition was done and my brother could move in. Dad died in January of 2021 from COVID. He was in hospice at the hospital and I visited him every day (in full PPE). The hospital was very good about letting me do that. My brother and sister-in-law were living with him, but also had COVID, so I had to be the sole decision maker. You do what you have to do.
No, you aren't alone. And in fact my husband's first wife is now dying, in hospice care, and her care is being managed by her husband. As well as managing her care, he sends out updates on CaringBridge, but as far as I know he has no questions that need referral to a Forum, and that may be because he is comfortable with his Hospice care management and their support to this point.
We have, in my time here on this Forum, seen many husbands caring for wives. If there are fewer than other-way-round that may simply be an age thing, men in marriages tending to be older than wives, and in need of care earlier.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I know that ALL of the men in my caregivers support group ended up placing their wives as their dementia progressed in facilities as they were not about to deal with their wives incontinence and wandering. However there are also a lot of women that don't/can't deal with those issues as well, as caregiving is not for everyone.
More women by nature tend to be able to care give for their spouse longer in the home than most men in my opinion, thus probably why you don't hear about too many husbands on here that stick it out with their wife with dementia at home.
We all have to do what works best for all involved, and often that will mean placing a loved one in a facility.
If you are one of the rare birds that is still caring for your wife with dementia at home....God bless you.
members of the family to see his wife. These husbands have done the best they could when their wives still lived at home. They knew when it was time for their wives to enter professional care.
I think (oops here I go with a generalization..) men tend to not "share" as much as women do. Even though this is an anonymous forum it may still be difficult.
I’m 78, wife 80, married 60 years this month and I suspected dementia 8/2015, while driving alone 120 miles from daughter’s home. Twice crying hard sitting along I-5. Burst into tears when my daughter opened the door, I said I’m not getting in Amtrak, forget going to my class reunion. She thought I couldn’t leave Mom so never told her my thoughts suspecting dementia. My Mother had no physical problems and died from dementia under my care in my home at age 86. Read this forum daily, thinking I should reply, ask questions or give my opinion. We, (daughter wife and myself) attend two events monthly Alzheimer’s Tennessee. Attended caregiver meeting June, July and August. Face to face listening to caregivers was to emotionally draining for me. Seeing and hearing in person what caregivers experience was a negative experience for me. Especially the male caregiver in his 50’s who’s wife suffering from early onset dementia. Ten years, 8/2025 a long time but a flood of tears stopped me on the interstate again. I am so blessed to have a daughter who is very knowledgeable, available any time my wife has issues or I go out if state meeting old friends or family events. My wife has no physical problems and on no prescription medications. This is rare at age 80 so Geriatric doctor specializes in dementia care only prescribed alcohol to control anxiety, burst of anger, screaming and swearing. We know the benefits of wine and have always had a glass with supper. We start with 1/2 glass and seldom need additional. She learned to self medicate, really. At breakfast my wife said I didn’t want to wake you to ask so had wine and walked and walked until calmed down. She was so proud of herself. During daytime she asks for wine when anxiety gets bad and not able to think or be in control. My wife prefers not to leave home, her safe place. She will walk alone most AM’s in our neighborhood without fear. She is comfortable home alone during daylight hours if I text every few hours and there is no thunderstorm. Until this month we never felt her pattern of behavior fit criteria identifying with any type of dementia. My daughter and I attended a symposium for medical students. Finding Behavioral-variant Frontotemporal Dementia. My daughter and I decided to study extensively this new material and then compared notes. We conclude 100% identifies symptoms.
You might like to check out a YouTube channel called John and Heather's Dementia Journey. John became Heather's caregiver after her diagnosis. She was well aware of what her future held, but decided with John to document their life. In March of this year, it finally became safer for Heather to be in a memory care home. He has continued to document her inevitable decline, and only recently began acknowledging that she may be nearing the end. Watching his vidoes, so often I can related to what he is telling us. I'm sure it will strike a chord with you as well.
Fortunately she is light, abut 99lbs, and I am still fit enough to help her and lift her when she falls.
She is now under palliative care and it will advance to Hospice any time now. Constant discussion with her Neurologist.
My intent is to keep her home to the end, if I can possible keep her from going into a home. As I described I have a lucky combination and can still handle her.
The on line support groups and educational webinars are very helpful for me.
There's another gentleman who posts here, I can't think of his username at the moment, who cared for his wife with dementia at home as well. He's extremely empathetic and well spoken, I know he's helped tons of posters here.
Andiamo, this is your first post. I'm surprised you've never seen men posting about caring for their wives on hospice, bc there are quite a few.
My condolences on your difficult situation. God bless you and give you strength during such a sad time.
Sure, there were hospice people in and out and Dad hired a woman they knew for sit with Mom, help feed her, etc. That way, Dad could relax and have some down time, go to the store or pharmacy, etc. But, when there was nobody there, Dad did it all. I worked only a few minutes away and would stop after work to visit and go down some weekends to cook and spend time with them. I was also available if he needed help with "cleaning her up" after having an accident.
He loved her and swore he would never put her in a home and that's what he did. Mom died unexpectedly in 2016 before the addition was done and my brother could move in. Dad died in January of 2021 from COVID. He was in hospice at the hospital and I visited him every day (in full PPE). The hospital was very good about letting me do that. My brother and sister-in-law were living with him, but also had COVID, so I had to be the sole decision maker. You do what you have to do.
As well as managing her care, he sends out updates on CaringBridge, but as far as I know he has no questions that need referral to a Forum, and that may be because he is comfortable with his Hospice care management and their support to this point.
We have, in my time here on this Forum, seen many husbands caring for wives. If there are fewer than other-way-round that may simply be an age thing, men in marriages tending to be older than wives, and in need of care earlier.
We also see many sons caring for mothers here.