Out of 4 siblings, I'm the only one who makes wise decisions concerning Mom. How do I get guardianship?

I like the idea of easy feet..! x

Not FEET but feat. Really. I'm tired and need to take a break from typing...:-)

I'm going to vote with the ones who are saying at least consider guardianship. But, maybe start by having a good comprehensive geriatric assessment to give you a good idea of how Mom's judgement and cognitive ability really, objectively, is. Guardianship is only for someone who cannot manage their own affairs, who is truly incapacitated. But, if you have only a POA and Mom is a total people-pleaser, she may be easily persuaded by the least wise and least beneficent of the siblings OR ANYONE ELSE - like another bad PCA - to change it. The stories we have heard on here are stunning, and the difficulty in getting a bad POA removed for failure to act in their person's best interest is not an easy feet. Savings have been cleaned out and people left with nothing left for care and Medicaid penalties for gifting.

The PCA who committed the theft should not just be fired but reported and have it on his or her record with APS so they have major difficulty securing another job with any agency in the future. Don't just take the path of least resistance on that - its not right, not with other people's precarious finances at stake too.

Asking for guardianship will make cockroaches of your other siblings
Someone not handling their credit card??? Come on folks, is a red flag and I am sure there are others...I agree setting up a POA with your mother only requires her signature, tell her it is a just in case, so she will have a voice when and if...people can relate to if and when scenarios, and your mother will appreciate having someone who cares about her having that kind of power, all she is doing is giving her permission...report the person to the agency or report the theft to the bank, if it was done on a visa, visa sometimes gives you back the money...

I would not wait too long, it is a theft like any other theft report it oh and by the way get a new card issued...

1Cd, I've been mulling. This occurs to me: are you absolutely sure you WANT guardianship? Or, indeed, POA?

"Think on, love, think on," as (I'm told) they say in Manchester.

Your mother's character and behaviour will not alter under your guardianship (unless you count becoming more extreme), so she will continue to want to be however she is now, only more so. The difference is that you will have the authority to challenge and, if necessary, overrule her. But have you thought what living with that day after day is going to be like?

It would be desirable for POA to be set up so that if/when your mother does lose capacity you won't ALL have an administrative nightmare on your hands. Other than that, though, if I were you I don't think I'd want to touch my mother's lifestyle with a stick. You're setting yourself up either to fail or to become the Villain of the Piece. I think I'd let someone else do it - as badly as they liked.

And before you airily say oh I don't mind being unpopular if it's for my mother's good… again, think it through. That's all. Just saying. Best of luck.

Whatever the "PCA" worker did needs to be reported to the police, notify the bank to cancel that debit card and refund any fraudulent charges. Next, have a meeting with your sisters and if all of you can agree about her care great. If you cannot then at least get a POA in place with someone's name on it. Unless your mother is deemed incompetent, she can sign a POA. I went through this with my three sisters and brother, however, I am a nurse and thought I had a better chance of getting guardianship, but they all prevailed. Best wishes!

Please contact your local Office of Aging, or Legal Aid Society. Make sure you get a person to direct you. If you suspect foul play, alert another family or friend closest to your mother and ask questions of those offices to help you.

Sister has guardianship over my mother , my sister has abandoned my mother anf I have left to the total responsibility for my mother care .my sister will not give me the gaurdisnship as she is incharge of moms money (six figures ) will not help with mom's expense .don't know what I can do ?

Competent adults have a right to make their own decisions. Even bad decisions. Even dangerous or self-destructive decisions. This is very hard on their loved ones, but it is a fundamental cornerstone of our society.

You say Mom "forgets" to tell you important things, but it sounds more like she remembers but only wants to tell certain people. That, too, is her right.

I'm sure that you only want the best for your mother. But at this point she is the one who gets to decide what is best for her. She gets to decide where she will live.

Persuasion may be your best tool at this time.

I understand and sympathise with your anxiety and frustration. Having said that, foolishness and legal incompetence are not the same thing. Your mother's cringing (and contagious, apparently) reluctance to call her PCA to account; her charity to the homeless alcoholic who repaid her by pinching her Sunday best; and - I'm inferring - her leitmotif of "don't tell so-and-so but…": all of these things must be intensely annoying and worrying for you, especially if they seem to be feeding a wider family trait, but they are not in themselves diagnostic of any kind of dementia. Unless they also represent a marked change in her character or behaviour, that is? But from your eagerness to take control, I'm guessing they don't. It sounds as though you're hoping there's a chance, now, to put some longstanding issues to bed.

I think you're slightly jumping the gun with your plan to call a family conference with guardianship as the only item on the agenda (or agendum, then, I suppose, to be punctilious about it). Call a conference by all means, and chair it with a firm hand, but with the aim of setting out the issues and inviting discussion. It is perfectly all right for you and your siblings to do this without your mother present, provided you do not then act prematurely on the assumption that your mother will agree to or with whatever you have all concluded. The purpose of the exercise would be instead for you, the children, collectively to establish an agreed united front so that when your mother does need support you will have thrashed out detailed options in advance.

The young 70 year old you describe probably wouldn't be found to be incompetent, I'm afraid. And while she isn't, she has the legal right to be as chaotic as she pleases. It's very trying.

First, you petition the court for guardianship. The court psychiatrist will examine mom and determine if she is incompetent. IF she is incompetent, all siblings must then agree that you will be the guardian.
If she is found competent, no guardian will be appointed.
If the siblings do not agree, you will not be the guardian.

Thanks JessieBelle for your comment. I totally agree with everything you said, but that's just the point, this isn't the first bad decision my mom has made. September of last year, she invited a lady who was homeless, to sleep on her couch. None of us knew this woman or the fact that she was at my mom's house. It turns out, the woman was a alcoholic. Later, we found out that, upon getting home from the adult daycare, someone had taken all of my mom's church clothes. No signs of breaking in, my mom lives alone: does anyone have a key? My mom won't tell me anything because she knows I'll get upset. But how do I make sure she's safe? I don't have to become guardian, I just want advice and am weighing my options. I do however, think it's time for her to move in with one of us.

Guardianship is a big step unless there is a pattern of poor judgments that can't be addressed any other way. Would it be easier to get POA and take away her credit and debit cards if these are causing problems? You and your siblings could handle her finances and healthcare without getting official guardianship. Guardianship is not easy to get, and it is expensive. It also has many strings attached, such as reporting to the courts. I consider guardianship as necessary if someone is totally unable to care for themselves and is out of control in some way. For example, if someone was schizophrenic, off their meds, and threatening harm to self or others, guardianship would be called for. Or if an elder had Alzheimer's, was wandering the streets and wouldn't accept help, guardianship would be good. A single bad financial decision seems to me to indicate your mother needs help with handling her money, but not necessarily guardianship. Others may disagree.