Help! I'm stuck in neutral...what's next?

The others have given you good suggestions for how to proceed, but I want to address your concern that you didn't notice this decline. WHO SAID that this has been going on for 5 years? Was someone telling you for the past 5 years that mom was declining and you elected not to hear (no, I didn't think so). What the neurologist meant I think was that in most people, there are very subtle signs of decline in the 5 years before diagnosis. You don't notice them. MOST doctors don't notice them. You have to have year and years and years of professional experience and education to pick up on those cues.

Look, I'm a school psychologist, so I have a fair amount of training in neuro-developmental disorders, memory and cognition. I've got 25 years of experience doing cognitive assessments. My mother was declining for at least 3-5 years before we figured out that we needed to get her out of her home. We thought these were little quirks that mom was developing. Please, please, let the guilt go, make a list and start the tasks; you're your mom's BEST ally!

Don't beat yourself up over not noticing the decline. Most of the time, we don't see it. We tried to let Mom stay in her own home for as long as we could because she wanted to and had a lot of friends and activities. When we finally did move her in with us, those same friends and neighbors were relieved and didn't hesitate to tell us they were. That was seven years ago, and she still thinks she's just here for a visit. We've told her we've sold her house but she occasionally will ask us to drive her home, that she has things to do.

Make a master list of things to do as you think of them. Identify the most important, but occasionally work on the easier items.

As far as cleaning out her house, that may be a priority, because a vacant house is a target for vandals and squatters. Also insurance companies don't like to insure empty houses and premiums are expensive. Plus when you sell it you can get rid of utility bills too.

Selling her car may be a lesser priority because you can use it to transport her to appointments and save wear and tear on your own car. Use her money to pay insurance and upkeep and gas.

Have your mother do as much as she can around the house. It will help her to feel useful and more at home, rather than a visitor. If there wasn't a noticeable decline, maybe she still has some abilities. Dusting, setting the table, loading/unloading dishwasher, folding laundry, peeling potatoes and anything else she can do.

Beachdiva, lots of folks here willing to help and support you. . But what area of concern do you have? Have you completed the aid and attendance paperwork? If not, that may a be a good place to begin. Is she with you temporarily or is there another residence that has to be dealt with? Are you POA? Are you her health care proxy? It is March 4, from a paperwork perspective - have her 2014 taxes been prepared/reported? That is a good time to gather financial records that will help assess possible courses of action going forward. Tell us your concerns (and your situation) and there will be plenty of help.