I don't know where to start. I am POA for my 97 year old aunt. She is my dad's sister. She has no children. I have been dealing with her for 2 years after she finally decided to go to independent living. She had me sell her house, which she still screams at me about. Finally after moving she decides to stop driving. She had multiple fender benders in her car that she wouldn't tell me about or if she did, it wasn't her fault. She's lucky she didn't injure someone. The final one was at her new appointment complex where she backed into a box truck twice, claiming a cat was there. I saw the video, no cat. She signed the car over to me. My 16 year old daughter drives it now. It took $800+ dollars to fix the car so the bumpers wouldn't fall off. She insists she is a good driver. I've taken her for groceries and she purposely disappeared in the store to avoid me and I couldn't find her. I was about 1 minute from calling the police to help look for her at Walmart. I don't take her anymore. I get her groceries which are never right. She'll bad mouth me to her neighbors and tell me what I messed up. Funny, I follow her list and she'll insist that I bought stuff not on the list or I can't read. She falls and gets the ambulance for lift assist, calls me demanding I come to her. She'll refuse medical care but weeks later will fall again and get the ambulance again. Last week, she insisted on going to the ER, and no fall. They found a fractured sacrum which she never complained about. It is healing so I don't know how long she had it. Now suddenly her back is out and pain in her right leg. Demands I take her to the chiropractor. I told her I was calling her doctor to make sure she can go to the chiropractor. I know he won't allow it and sure the chiropractor won't see her. She called a friend to get information on the chiropractor and confirm she doesn't need a referral. I spoke to friend. He says her shoulder is hurting. What? She calls me screaming this morning that she doesn't need her doctor to agree to chiropractor and I need to do this immediately. Today is Sunday. This is just a hint of the things she'll do. I can't sleep for fear she'll call me in the middle of the night or early morning, demanding I get to her and wait for the ambulance because she fell. She cleans cooks and does her laundry. I tried to get her someone to help her and she refused. I handle her checking account. She has no bills. I have stuff set up for automatic withdrawal from her checking. I arranged for the local elderly bus to take her to get her hair done. It took me over a year to convince her to do that. I was taking her but it was a constant complaint about me getting her a weekly appointment. I'm sorry I'm babbling. She calls generally 6 am on a Saturday or Sunday, yelling at me because she fell. The emergency chord in her apartment sets off an alarm in the building. I tried to get her a life alert necklace to use when she falls. It had an indented button that you can't bump. She purposely pushed it and got in a screaming conflict with the emergency operator. She refused to keep it. I don't have anyone to help deal with her. My husband refuses to interact with her at all. His mother died and my aunt criticized her. No words of sympathy from her. I don't know how much more of her I can take.
Second, just resign as POA and let APS take over her care. Despite your best and heroic attempts, this is not working because she is unwilling to cooperate. She's not happy with what you're doing, not because of you, but because of her cognitive and/or mental health issues. APS will have some kinds of authority that you as her agent under POA do not.
As a lifelong manipulator, she's enjoying the power struggle, so you'll never "win." Just get yourself, your husband, and your child(ren) out from under it all. An inheritance in nice, but you don't know whether she will or won't leave it to you, or may need to spend it on her care in Assisted Living or Memory Care in the future.
In the meantime order her groceries for delivery to her door, keep your phone silenced during normal sleep hours, and let her calls go to voicemail so you can decide whether to ignore her because she's just ranting or call her back because it's a genuine matter.
You'll probably have some PTSD for a while but it will all be a big relief once you're not catering to her demands.
Aunt needs a good physical if she has not had one in a while. Maybe she could use some anxiety meds. If she is part of a Senior community that has AL and LTC, they will evaluate her to see if she still qualifies for independent living. If they say "its time for AL" then she must go to an AL.
Option #2 is like what others have suggested: you resign your PoA, and report her to APS over and over until they get her a court-assigned guardian. Make sure to get your name off of any joint accounts. The new guardian will definitely be able to get her into a facility and will then manage all her affairs. You will have no access or insight into any of her finances or affairs any more. Neither do you have to worry about managing any of it.
Option #3 is you call 911 and tell them she is agitated and may have an untreated UTI and is not cooperating with care., At the ER tell the discharge planner she is an "unsafe discharge" and refuse to take her back home. Then ask to talk to the hospital social worker about having her transitioned directly into a facility. Not sure if you can pull this off without your PoA being active.
And depending on whether you have a durable POA for your aunt which goes into effect the day it is signed and allows you to get your aunt placed wherever you want and where she needs to be, or if you have a springing POA that requires usually 2 doctors to deem her incompetent, you have options to get her placed where she now needs to be.
And quite honestly it sounds like she's well past independent living and should be moved into an assisted living facility, where she will be looked after better and if she falls they will be right there to pick her up or call 911 if necessary.
Also you do NOT have to remain being your aunts POA if it is just too much for you now. You can go to a lawyer and have that revoked and then let the state take over her care. That sounds like it would be a win win for all involved.