Goldenrex Asked September 2020
I'm struggling to take care of my mother in law and my husband is hesitant to put her in a nursing home.
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My mother in law has stage four breast cancer, kidney disease (is on PD dialysis), blood pressure issues, balance issues (uses a walker), diabetes and is incontinent.
I also suspect she has a little dementia creeping in.
I'm doing all the PD dialysis work myself, bringing her all her meals, catering to her constantly and I'm burned out.
It's worth mentioning that I have pretty severe mental illness and am not in shape to be taking care of anyone,
But have been somehow tasked with all this while my husband works.
I need help understanding nursing homes and have a tour with one next week.
We just don't know how to bring it up to her that she needs to live in a nursing home.
Can anyone offer any advice or have a similar situation?
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I say "you" but I mean you the family, not you yourself, and I whole-heartedly agree that you cannot be your husband's proxy in this. It isn't fair to you or right for your MIL.
I'm not clear about your MIL's quality of life or ability to make decisions, but has anyone suggested considering a hospice assessment?
#1- You’ll have a problem finding a NH that performs PD. Many nurses are not familiar with PD & are not trained to perform PD. As a resource to find which NH take PD patients, go to DaVita or FMC websites. They are the big 2 dialysis providers in the US and have a webpage devoted to helping you find hemo and PD NH. If no one does PD, switch her to hemodialysis and find a NH that has a dialysis unit within the NH (these type of NH definitely do exist in the US).
You’ve got a lot on your plate- I would begin sharing this with your husband and tell him you need his help and that taking care of HIS mom is killing you. It’s time to think of YOU now since apparently everyone is comfortable with this set up except you. You have a right to be heard and your opinion respected.
Also talk to your own doctor and hers so they both know that you are no longer able to provide care.