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my father has dementia. I help him with his bills, medications, etc. twice hes taken my name off his checking account. hes getting ready to do it again cause he doesn't remember putting my name on it. I have POA. I understand his disease is making him paranoid but I'm tired of constantly being accused of stealing his pills, messing with his account.he also has 5 loaded guns in his house. help!

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Thank you, Joyce. In my mind, I was thinking they probably have the same lawyer. I THINK if Candie's Dad has not removed her as POA, her Dad's lawyer will talk to her. I also think that if her Dad removed her as POA after his dememtia was documented, that the change would be null and void. She did not mention that he removed her as POA, so it's probably safe to start with Dad's lawyer. After all, if she is still his legal rep, why wouldn't the lawyer help her exercise her rights? - that was the objective of getting POA. On the other hand, if she gets nowhere with Dad's lawyer, then her own lawyer is definitely the best recourse.
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thank you for all the advice. I do have a brother and sister and my father has siblings but I'm the only one left that he trusted until his last episodes. he won't listen to anybody. he refuses to believe he has dementia, in fact he gets angry and threatens to move to a different town if its brought up again. I'm definitely gonna get rid of the guns behind his back. he's too obsessive about those guns and always thinks hes being robbed when in fact he's been up all night sundowning, moving things around the house, unplugging and messing up phones, tv, lights. I'm afraid when he's in his paranoid state, he might accidently shoot someone. I will talk to his doctor and the bank. I'm so thankful for the advice, its nice knowing I'm not alone in this.
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About the meds. There are a variety of dosage trays to fit your needs - check them out online. Some of them lock and open at pre-set times, and some have a chime of sorts to remind the elder that it's time to take meds. This may cost a bit, but it will assist your Dad in not forgetting to take the pills, as well as prevent him from taking too many or at the wrong time.
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Orangeblossom5 is so right! One key thing mentioned was to call YOUR lawyer and get advised on how to handle things. When we called my FIL's attorney after the POA was changed (we were notified in a formal letter, FIL wasn't even man enough to tell my husband), we called and was told, "I am your FIL's attorney, so I can not discuss matters with you."
We are metting with our OWN attorney on Friday to make certain we are legally protected and not responsible for anything.
I hate to say it, but it is kind of like advice they give to couples getting a divorce -- never, never use the same attorney.
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You have POA - he has dementia. Assuming the dementia is documented in his medical records, HE technically cannot be allowed to change any legal docs that are already in place. That should include bank acct registration (are you noted as POA on the checking acct? Talk to the bank officer-bank must be made aware of the dementia and they will not let him change anything. Same for other creditors if any are a problem. Just make sure that when you sign ANYTHING for him, you include the letters POA after your name. You MUST get rid of the guns while he is asleep - it would be irresponsible for you not to do so. Lock them up, but do not put them in possession of anyone who does not have a permit to own/carry. I would suggest calling the PD for advice on how to handle this. It would not hurt to also call your lawyer and let him know what is going on. He will surely advise you more precisely.
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Dementia and guns? Clearly the two together is a recipe for a disaster. Remove them NOW or at least get them locked up in a safe box where your father can't get access.

Meds... I'd get a daily pill box so your father can see how the meds are being allocated.

I would also video tape him agreeing to place you on the checking account and when he accuses you of lying show him the clip.
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My cousin went through this with his mom and a sibling. His sibling was supposed to be taking care of accounts and the mom and to make a long story short, it went badly. His mom had alzheimer's and he ended up going before a judge to have her declared mentally incompentent and brought her to his home and took over everything. Eventually she ended up in a nursing home but he took care of all bills and watched after her constantly in the nursing home.
My FIL is in the process of the same thing happening. He had my husband POA and took him off over a phone bill. I honestly think attorneys need to be aware of held accountable if a client has a medical history of mental instability, dementia or alzheimers that once a family goes in and sets everything up, they can just change it on a whim. It is unfair and to be honest, downright stupid that an adult child can be charged with neglect but all these mentally unstable seniors running around can freely do what they want with no consequences.
My husband now has POA again and said if it is changed again, he is walking away for good -- dementia or not. He says the state can handle him.
As far as the guns, get them out of the house. Different people say to do it different ways from just take the dang things to getting police or other family involved. Do what is best for you and legal but guns in the hands of a mentally unstable senior citzen is no more needed than in the hands of a unstable teen.
My FIL went through this too and the iciing on the cake was getting called to his house finding him with a gun to his stomach. He too has been diagnosed with paranoid disorder. People will say get blanks, take firing pins out, etc. Sometimes if a gun is older, it is almost impossible to remove the pin and blanks are not readily available for all guns and you can still get an injury.
The longer we endure this situation with my FIL, the more I believe that much of this is just horrible, bad behavior that their family put up with for years and no one ever said no to them because many were bullies in the family and got their way. Sort of like those kids that you know not one person ever sat down and told them to behave. My FIL has been a piece of work his entire life and people were afraid to stand up to him. I know there are exceptions, but honestly, I think they are rare.
Good luck and stay safe.
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Who else is helping you? Have you got siblings or does HE have siblings that can help? You need backup of some sort with this. My mother-in-law also has dementia and can't remember diddly squat. But she trusts me enough to believe me when I tell her that we took care of something or she agreed to whatever. Your dad doesn't trust you apparently, and that's why I suggest you get some backup. Two or more people that he knows (still) that are telling him he's agreed to this or that, is better than just YOU saying the same thing. And his doctor needs to know about the guns and how much his memory could affect who he thinks is an intruder. Because he can't remember that he called you to come over in the middle of the night. This is a news story waiting to happen if you don't take action about the guns.
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