It would help us to have some more information about what is going on. Why are you depressed? Why can you not stand your Mother? Solely taking care of her for six years is very hard. End of your rope means what to you? Assisted living, memory care for your Mother? Walking away? It is ok to add the details of your discontent. It helps us to reach out and find a commonality to help others here, this is what this site is for, please explain more about your situation. Caregiving is incredibly hard, and most of us here know that.
Is there anyone else that can care for mom? Are you legally responsible for her care? Are you POA? or her Guardian? Can mom afford Memory Care? If so begin the process of finding a place for her. Would mom qualify for any services? Contact your local Agency on Aging and they can help determine if she does qualify for services that could range from some caregiver services on a limited basis or more hours. They would also have a Social Worker that might be able to point you in the direction of more services. Is mom a Veteran? if so the VA might be of help. If dad was a Veteran and is still alive she may qualify because of his service. Does mom have any other health concerns? She may qualify for Hospice and if so you would have a Nurse that would come see her 1 time a week, a CNA that would come several times a week. You would also have the services of a Social Worker as well as being able to request a Volunteer that could come and spend time with mom while you get out, or a volunteer could come and help with light housework. If at anytime she has to be brought to the hospital talk to a Social Worker there. Tell them that you can no longer care for her and she can not be discharged to you as it is not a safe discharge. You may have to relinquish control and she would be made a Ward of the State. This would involve a court process and a Court appointed Guardian would then manage her care.
Juliet1061 If you feel this way you must get some help for your sake as well as your mothers. Each county in the US has a area agency on aging. Do a search for area agency on aging, your county, your state. Contact them for any assistance in your area for services available to you or mom. Ask for an assessment. Ask for respite. contact her insurance to see if home health is available. Make a call or follow leads daily to find resources. After six years I know it is hard to change course but you must. Many caregivers pass before their patients. What will happen to her if you become incapacitated or worse? Please don’t neglect yourself. Let us know how you are doing. We care.
Maybe its time for a Nursing Home. You can apply for Medicaid if she has no money. It does become where we just can't do it anymore. I did not bring my Mom into my home thinking it would be forever. I was hoping her house would sell quickly and I could place her in a nice AL. After a year the house did not sell. So, I tried Daycare which helped.(they bathed her for me) But Mom continued to decline each month and with the decline more problems. We planned to go to nieces wedding 8 hours away. I went to the local AL about respite for Mom. Found they were having a 1/2 price sale on rooms so went ahead and placed her having enough of her money for a year. That first night was the first night I was able to sleep all night. No worries about her coming up the steps. Her not having to spend most of her time in her bedroom/sitting room watching TV. Me not feeling guilty about it. She now had an AL that was one story so she could walk the halls always coming back to the common area. She had people to talk to, entertainment and activities. After her money ran out, I placed her in a NH with Medicaid paying. By that time she had declined a lot and was in her last stage if Dementia.
This is the cruel logic of serious illness and exactly how it plays out. You have illustrated the stages of care precisely and more people should be aware of this. In general, our homes, our lives, our expertise is not in professional, medical, caregiving. Yet, we think we should be able to "do it all". By what metric does that make sense or truely succeed in the real world of caregiving? Sure, in the begining, it may not be "that bad", but....as too many here know.....reality hits and decisions are made. That's ok, life happens and we're here to vent about it. Sharing the load helps lighten the trail we're on.
Welcome, Juliet. I just wanted to respond quickly so you know there are people listening. Would you like to say more about what your situation is, and what's made you reach out today?
Are you legally responsible for her care? Are you POA? or her Guardian?
Can mom afford Memory Care? If so begin the process of finding a place for her.
Would mom qualify for any services?
Contact your local Agency on Aging and they can help determine if she does qualify for services that could range from some caregiver services on a limited basis or more hours. They would also have a Social Worker that might be able to point you in the direction of more services.
Is mom a Veteran? if so the VA might be of help. If dad was a Veteran and is still alive she may qualify because of his service.
Does mom have any other health concerns? She may qualify for Hospice and if so you would have a Nurse that would come see her 1 time a week, a CNA that would come several times a week. You would also have the services of a Social Worker as well as being able to request a Volunteer that could come and spend time with mom while you get out, or a volunteer could come and help with light housework.
If at anytime she has to be brought to the hospital talk to a Social Worker there. Tell them that you can no longer care for her and she can not be discharged to you as it is not a safe discharge.
You may have to relinquish control and she would be made a Ward of the State.
This would involve a court process and a Court appointed Guardian would then manage her care.
If you feel this way you must get some help for your sake as well as your mothers.
Each county in the US has a area agency on aging.
Do a search for area agency on aging, your county, your state. Contact them for any assistance in your area for services available to you or mom. Ask for an assessment. Ask for respite. contact her insurance to see if home health is available. Make a call or follow leads daily to find resources.
After six years I know it is hard to change course but you must. Many caregivers pass before their patients. What will happen to her if you become incapacitated or worse?
Please don’t neglect yourself.
Let us know how you are doing. We care.
In general, our homes, our lives, our expertise is not in professional, medical, caregiving. Yet, we think we should be able to "do it all". By what metric does that make sense or truely succeed in the real world of caregiving? Sure, in the begining, it may not be "that bad", but....as too many here know.....reality hits and decisions are made. That's ok, life happens and we're here to vent about it. Sharing the load helps lighten the trail we're on.