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She is now in nursing home a year now. Now my significant other is very ill with liver disease. Too much to bear. I have been off of work on disability pay for 2 years now as it was impossible to take care of mom and my job is very demanding. Have suffered financially with no help from siblings. They both live out-of-state and understand them not being able to help day to day but I pleaded with them to just give me a weeks vacation once a year since my caregiving began. They would not even answer my texts. It is the abandonment that hurts sooo much. I almost lost my house but have rented out for the time being as I am caregiving my significant other now. I do not want to sound selfish but my well is totally empty so to speak. I have lost myself. Now my disability thru work, which has been a blessing, still hard though as it is 50% of my pay is ending and they are helping me apply for social security disability which looks like it will be a positive outcome. I feel like such a loser and more depressed going this route. I am a people person and miss social contact so much but feel I have so much healing to do. My dr just prescribes medication and is not interested in talking. I pray that God takes me. Emotional pain too much to bear. And now my significant other is also very depressed. Any validation of my feelings and/or advice would be much appreciated. Sincerely, Nancy

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Nalexander, you've got a LOT on your plate. No wonder you're feeling pretty low. If you can't afford private counseling, see if you can find a support group through a church or non-profit agency. And see if you can get out to do some fun things once in a while. Go for a walk in nature or get some movies (comedies would be great) from your library or read a good book. Books are a wonderful way to "get away" if only in your mind. It can be super draining to be a caregiver and now you've had to care for two people you love. Hang in there and keep us posted on how you're doing. You've got a lot of support here...we understand.
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Many years ago I participated in executive training at Columbia University. It was a business course led by behavioral scientist and psychologist. I learned something that gave me good insight. Introverts recharge in their own solitude. Extroverts recharge by taking energy from others. Your wards (mom and now hubby) do not have energy to offer you and you badly need a recharge. Ms. Social you are an extrovert.

Please cut a part of your week, or of your day and spend it in some social activity. A support group, a cooking lesson at whole foods, book club, lunch with friends.

You need to charge up.

Best of luck.
L
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Nancy, many people here share your pain. There is so much emotional numbing that happens with caregiving that it is easy to get depressed. Not having any money just makes it worse. The thing that keeps me going personally is the hope that things will be better in the future. Sometimes I think of the things I want, then look around to see it is possible. It can be so tempting to just leave things here and rebuild my own life, but I know I have to see things through.

I have the feeling you need to find something that will help you peer out from under the cloud that has settled on your life. After depression sets in, though, you need some help in getting started. Look around to see if you can find some psychiatric help that you can afford. There is a lot of hope out there, but we have to figure out a way to get to it.
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None of us should feel like a loser; regardless of our financial hardships or our situations; because almost everyone here shares at least some of your feelings.... helplessness, worry for our future, loss of pay, depression.... wanting to pull our hair out and run away.
We know what it feels like.
You should be commended and we all empathize with you on this site.
I think it's time for a new doctor that "does" like to 'talk'.
I would find someone to listen to me and UNDERSTAND.... not someone who spends 2 min with each patient and really isn't interested in their personal struggle; because I find that a well paid doctor is very important. If you don't want to switch then you make him/her listen. You tell it like it is. You say, listen, I need you to hear me.
We are here for you unconditionally.
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nalexander, you are not a loser...when God asks us each, "Well, how'd you do at lovin' your neighbors during the time I gave you on earth" you'll be the big winner. Yeah, you need to care for yourself at the same time too, and stay out of the pits as best you can, and you DON'T need to feel selfish about that. Remember its love your neighbor AS yourself not INSTEAD of yourself. You are on the right track and your devotion is admired.
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JessieBelle, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! You are right, I am numb and have stuffed my feelings for so long I feel if I begin crying I will not stop. I must find a counselor. I'm hanging on by a thread. Thanks again for understanding!
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Blannie and Nikki99, your words of understanding mean so much to me! Nothing can prepare us for the difficulties emotionally of caregiving and loss of loved ones in our lives. I find that doctors and counselors who have not walked the walk or have no empathy whatsoever just do not even understand to truly help. I am going to search for another dr and counselor to help get me thru this. Not easy in today's world of medicine... With gratitude I have decent health ins that my employer has allowed me to keep while on disability! Thanks again ! I wish you the best!
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Vstefans, your comments along with everyone else on this site are lifting my spirit. Such words of wisdom ! Thank you so much!!!! Words cannot express my gratitude ! You are all the beginning of hope I have lost...
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Hi dear, as I said the other option is TELL your current doctor what YOU NEED from them. They are getting handsomely paid. This is THEIR JOB. If you don't want to switch and "start over" right away.... take a chance to preserve the current doctor by speaking UP. Tell them what you need from them. If you are disappointed, then yes by all means, run to a new doctor. It's just like fish in the sea; there is always another. Some are great... lifesavers, even. Some are,.. well, just canned! lol Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth.... remember to be grateful EVERY DAY for SOMETHING. Just one thing even. Remember the alternative to going on is not... good... ;) You will get through this and be okay in the end. We all will be.
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You are a giver. You give and give til it hurts. You need to learn how to say no and realize saying no isn't being selfish. You need to take care of you before you take care of anyone else, take care
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