I also believe her aide has stolen money; there’s a police investigation going on. I blocked that card because it’s a joint account. I told the old woman to change her pin number on her other card. She said she would, and of course she didn’t do anything. She fought me tooth and nail about consolidating her bank accounts. She wants to keep several bank accounts, but she is screwing up everything. I’m so tired of this. She’s not happy unless she creates constant chaos and grief for me. Everyone tells me not to put her in a nursing home, but she needs to go there. She’s in an independent senior residence, but she’s anything but that. She put herself in a wheelchair and needs a Hoyer Lift to get in and out of bed. She gets sponge baths in bed, and wears a diaper. She’s 200% in her right mind, but very lazy and wants me and the aide to do everything. The aide goes above and beyond when it comes to her care, but if it’s proven that she’s a thief, she will be fired and arrested. Half of me wants to walk away and let the old woman fall, but I can’t do it with a clear conscience. Can I strong-arm her and take control? Sorry for the rambling post.
I just had a meeting with my attorney to discuss POA . At least in my state and with my POA document, its possible that either my dad or me can do things . We both could. However if he is at any point deemed incompetent, then he really has to stop doing anything himself.
Luckily , for any financial transactions he had deferred those all to me. So I really do it all and call the shots there.
However, in your case, this sounds like a bad situation. If you Mom has you as POA but still wants to call some shots and you disagree, this is a problem. As POA you have some responsibilities. I'm not a lawyer but you may want to talk to whichever lawyer drew up your Mom's POA agreement.
I would say, if you are going to be POA and that is what Mom wants , then she needs to defer to you on things . I dont like the situation where someone drops off their POA, but this may be one case where you just drop out of being POA...
I would not want to be a POA where Mom is refusing your advice and wanting to still do unwise things herself. Time to discuss with attorney
As POA, get your mother placed in Memory Care Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing care where everything will be done for her, as she wishes. You take over the finances 100% and pay the bills, manage the money, manage her life FOR her, but from afar, as I did for my unhinged mother.
She came OFF as 200% in her right mind to others, so they could ask ME why I "put" her in Memory Care Assisted Living to begin with, since "she's fine." Which obviously she was NOT. Wearing disposable briefs and insisting I locked her parents and siblings in the closets at the Memory Care does not constitute FINE.
A medical diagnosis of dementia is all you need to properly place her in Memory Care Assisted Living BUT for her insistence on needing a Hoyer lift.
If your mother wants to be moved around by a Hoyer lift, she'll likely have to go into Skilled Nursing care bc I know of NO Assisted Living facility that will deal with them, period. If that's the hill she wants to die on, then I hope she's happy living in a nursing home! They do have bingo there.
If she's been diagnosed with dementia and you've got POA, look over your documents. Speak to an elder care attorney about options for her as well, because as far as I'm concerned, YOU now get to make the decisions FOR her.
Best of luck to you.
Besides, she doesn't seem any percent in her right mind. She forgets important things, she doesn't take care of herself. Who in their right mind would not bathe? That's a sign of dementia right there, or maybe some other mental illness. I wouldn't consider her high functioning, for Pete's sake. You've stated that she has vascular dementia.
Dump her. Go ahead. You'd be doing her a favor. She's not really independent, you said. She clearly needs a higher level of care. Possibly memory care.
Your conscience will recover after you see how much better off she is in a place more suited to her needs.
So we come down to the question that matters, the ONLY question that matters.
Does mom have dementia and is she no longer competent to protect her money?
If so, then you are responsible as the POA to get this diagnosis and to safeguard her accounts, giving her a spending allowance account of her own and protecting the rest of it with careful accounting of every penny in and every penny out of the account.
If your mother is COMPETENT and has no diagnosis of dementia and will not listen to you I would resign the POA at once and let her lose all her money; however I wouldn't be stepping in when she is OUT of money other than helping her apply for Medicaid, which will be difficult if she has gifted her money to strangers.
You have only two choices here as I see it. They both depend upon whether your mother remains competent and is living on her own and caring for herself with no diagnosis.
Please see an Elder Law Attorney or research your POA, read your POA carefully so that you will see what your powers are in this situation.
Being POA or Trustee or Guardian for someone uncooperative is my definition of the 10th circle of hell.