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I had a great visit with my son and just got back a few days ago. (Two day drive which I did all by myself with no problem). In the past I was babied and cared for to the point of it being like I was 100 years old. I'm 76 and have had some medical issues. Not finding words I want to use to finish a sentence. Falling down a lot, lots of back pain. Eating healthy now and words come easy. Very little back pain now after having an ablation on the nerves on my back. Still fall but have learned how to fall so I don't break anything. I'm also taking a lot of hikes. But NO reason to be babied so much. I think the fact that my son said to me (while planning on what we were going to do when I got there) "Mom, I don't want to do anything that might break you" was kind of the final straw. His in laws (who all live down the street from each other) are wonderful people but treat me like I'll break if they breath on me. (Keep in mind that the mother in law had a house fall on her that they were taking down and now can't use one of her arms). So I really did my best to amaze them on how great I was doing. Using hiking poles which are great for keeping your balance and with very little back pain I not only kept up with my son and others but out did them. They were better on not babying me so much but I guess my question is how do I get them to treat me like a normal adult and not so much like I might break any moment? I do realize that they consider it "showing respect" to the oldest member but really 76 isn't that old. And FYI, I've never fallen at their place. I love them to death but just want to get on more of an equal footing with them... Heading back there at Christmas... Respected but not wanting it quite so much.

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I am 79 this year, and I would find that distressing as well. I haven't sustained falls, however, so there has been nothing to kick my kid's concerns into high gear. I would not take offense to anyone saying "I don't want you to do anything that would break you" except to laugh and say "when did I turn into a china teapot?" I would appreciate their not wanting to tax me as I no longer like to cook, etc. Would just say "Hey, bring in takeout every night; I hate to cook." That would be my response, just to turn it to humor. If then the "sad refrains of my being near to shuffle off this mortal coil" I guess I would sit them down and say I found it disconcerting. That I didn't feel all that good, was working hard to get better, and it was distressing to be reminded constantly of alls, or ALL of it. I would ask them to do their best to retrain themselves; would tell them I understood it was well-meant, but that in fact it was distressing.
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You've given them a scare. Be glad they're concerned.

Now give them time to come down from your medical issues as well.
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whaleyf, I found humor is the best remedy. I know your family means well but whenever they start to be helicopter "parents" to you, think to yourself you are in a Saturday Night Live skit, using the great cast they had back in the 1970's, and skit is about grown children who think they need to call 911 because you sneezed :)

During the covid pandemic, my sig-other's daughter wanted to drive down from New York to Wash DC to get us so we would be safer with them from the covid. Yeah right, live in a household with 2 teenagers who can't stay home, that is safer? Think not. Same thing happened during the Jan 6th clash on the Capital Building.... she was afraid for our lives. No, the villagers are not running around with pitch forks and torches in our community.

My folks were in their 90's and I never worried about them, they use to walk 2 miles a day, rain or shine. Still lived in their home. Did volunteer work until Mom couldn't any longer hear and Dad couldn't figure out the new software on the hospital computer. Yep, Dad was still driving in his late 80's.

Just grin and bear it. You aren't going to change how they think.
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Seems to me you showed them using those hiking poles. All you can do is to keep showing them. But be glad tgey have some concern, its called loving you.

No 76 is not old. My DH is 74. Works out in the yard and golfs as much as he can. So, keep up the good work.
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Many in this forum are in their 70s so I hope you get some good suggestions. Being pampered and being treated like we're no longer able to take care of ourselves can be maddening. I understand that our LOs want to look after our health and welfare, but from our standpoint, it can be a little overbearing. I would suggest you meet with the family and say you understand their concern for your well being, but you feel like they're babying you. You feel that you're still able to care for yourself and that (although I'm not a fan of making promises for any reason) you promise to ask for their help or let them know when you feel you can't.
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Good for you. Them not wanting you or letting you do anything is more out of respect then concern I think. Like how when the special company wants to help clean up at the party and you tell them of course not or tell them to go and rest. It's a respect thing.
When you go for Christmas your family will have caught on by then that you're good and they won't be babying you. You'll be the one cleaning up LOL.
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I think you've made a really big step in the right direction already, haven't you? Stay well, get stronger yet, and with a bit of luck they'll stop all holding their breath every time you reach for a teaspoon. I appreciate that it must be really quite trying despite your knowing they mean so well.

Is there anything they could do, or any routine to follow, that you *would* find helpful? If so, it often works better and causes no offence if you can tell people what you do like, rather than trying to put a stop to what you don't.
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