I'm caring for my MIL who moved in with me last year. Here's my story, I hope it's not too long or convoluted, please bear with me.
My husband and I bought our retirement home "in the lower 48" in 2012 after living in Alaska for over thirty years. My husband is still working in Alaska, less that 3 years till he can retire. In the mean time he spends as much time "down here" as he can. His father passed away in 2005 leaving his mom in Anchorage by herself. They were inseparable, married for 50 years and each others best friend. She wanted to die with him and was not happy that it didn't happen that way. We thought it would be good if she moved in with us so we could keep each other company and to take care of her when the time came. We have a great relationship for a MIL and DIL. I'm not saying it's all been a bed of roses. but I do feel fortunate to have the relationship we've had.
In 2008 she found a lump in her breast. When she told me about it I asked what she was going to do and she said "it's not bothering me, I'm not going to bother it". And that was it, for a while, till the tumor grew and started to ulcerate. She had gone to an oncologist in Anchorage but refused any kind of aggressive treatment but did acquiesce to taking an oral chemotherapy like Tamoxifen. The tumor did slow down a little but needed bandaging and was becoming more painful. She did ask for and received pain meds. She didn't seek out a new doctor down here until several months after moving in and in that time the tumor has grown substantially and now bleeds and weeps continually. Her new oncologist suggested hospice care after her third visit when mom repeatedly refused any kind of proactive treatment. Let me say this, besides the breast cancer Mom looked to be in fairly good shape, she's 82. Her mind is sharp and she cares(d) for herself in most ways, dressing, bathing, doing her own laundry. We contacted hospice and one of their nurse's came to visit and then a social worker and then another nurse all in a weeks time. All very wonderful, compassionate, caring women. I was very happy to have the connection and the support. Mom, not so much. She said she wasn't ready for all of their help and even when they offered to only come every two weeks mom said that was too intrusive. She called them up and quit the services.
The bleeding and weeping of the tumor is getting worse. The pain as well. She takes hydrocodone for pain and has increased the amount. Some days four in an hour. (not every hour!) I hear, see, feel, smell what's going on and don't know what to do. When I bring up the subject of making a doctors appointment or getting back on hospice she changes the subject. Thankfully, she has an appointment to see the doctor this Thursday and has said she'll do whatever they suggest. I just hope it's not to late for them to do something to help her. Oh, and she also mentions "taking matters into her own hands" if they can't do anything to help. That scares me to death! (no pun intended)
I'm at wits end. I don't know what else I can do. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.