I feel like my life is on hold while I sit around feeling guilty that I just can’t help my mother anymore. She is literally always ill, even small things are blown up to be huge & she isn’t capable of having a positive word to say. She is only 64 & has literally lost the will to fight. She is always at the Dr’s, they have no idea how to help her anymore as she has to want to help herself.
I’m an only child & if I’m honest she has been behaving like this my whole life. Obviously I don’t want her to be ill, I’m there for her ‘ALL’ the time, but lately it is just feeling too hard to cope with. She has always kind of leant on me from a young age (but as a child I didn’t really know that it wasn’t ok) She can’t seem to see that unless she admits she needs help (from professionals, not me) that she is going to crumble. If I’m not with her then I get calls everyday where I have to listen to all the awful things she thinks are wrong with her, how terrible all the doctors are & how no one is helping her.... And it is all just kind of drowning me a bit now. I never get a break. I think I have listened to so much of her nastiness (she has really said awful things to me lately) that I’m just not able to process anymore. I feel so guilty that I’m not helping her, then I get angry that my life is on hold & I’m angry at her for letting herself get to this state. It’s like she is willing herself to have some awful diagnoses so she can tell us all ‘I told you so’!
I have tried to get her help, attended Dr’s visits etc but what else can I actually do now?! Everyone is telling me to back off but they don’t seem to understand that I would if I could! She has sort of trained me that if I don’t answer my phone to her then she might be collapsed & dying on the floor (literally she will call at 3am as she feels sick!) It’s just too much pressure to be responsible for her mental & physical wellbeing every single day......
I feel like this is all a terrible dream & just want her to act like my Mum & see what she is doing to me.
I don’t really know what on earth to do now?