My father has been living in a LTC facility for almost 2 years now. When he went in, he had some medical issues and slight dementia. Most of the medical issues are under control, but the dementia (unfortunately) is still there, and for the sake of this post - my main focus. Most of the time dad is pleasant and quite lucid. When something goes wrong, goes missing, or just isn’t right, he reaches out to me. I haven’t been able to go inside recently, so I call or email to try and address it with the facility. Usually this is a lengthy process. If I speak to someone, they say they’ll check and get back to me, and it goes into a black hole. If I email, days go by with no response (the black hole again). If I push and push to try to get to the bottom is something, their reply makes no sense. They always twist the story and blame it on dads dementia.
I can honestly say that I try to be advocate for dad. He only has me in his life, so although I try not to be a squeaky wheel, I think that’s what I must look like. Dads facility is 5 star. It’s beautiful and I used to think there were many nice, capable, employees there. But I’m starting to think that maybe I’ve been looking through rose colored glasses. 99% of the time, my issues concerning dads care are valid (not everyone who works in a LTC facility is there because they love the elderly, and some are not as responsive, compassionate and kind as I thought). When I call to investigate an issue, I’m put off. When I squeak my wheels, I’m looked at as a pain - and their response is always so vague or if they just want to dismiss me, they say it’s the dementia. I KNOW DAD HAS DEMENTIA. IM OK WITH IT. But dad also is a human being. He has emotions just like anyone else, and when something is wrong, I expect to figure out why it happened. I hate to say this (because truth be told, they know and I know that moving dad would be a nightmare) but I’m speaking on deaf ears when I reach out to them for help. I’ve spoke to the administrator (who is very nice, but has no clue what’s going on day to day), I’ve spoke to the patient Liason (horrible - she just tries to use her finesse to convince me they’re right and dad is wrong), and I’ve spoke to the Director of nursing (let me rephrase, I had to literally send multiple emails, of which she made me wait days for a response). I promise, I’m not a squeaky wheel. I’m just a daughter who loves her father. I promised to be his advocate, and that’s what I’m trying to do. He pays a lot of money to be there. Should I settle for anything less than professionalism when I’m looking for an answer? How do I find someone I can trust and not just try to cover up a “whoops”. Is there anyone who works in these places who is a true advocate for the residents? I’m sick and tired of everything being blamed on dementia.
it nauseates me how deceiving the front office is to achieve the goal of an income.
I once plunged a dementia gentleman’s toilet on a Saturday- with no maintenance on staff - and management was not happy! LOL. He was not going to remember to NOT use the toilet! I worked in the kitchen and went above and beyond changing light bulbs, carrying groceries, switching pictures for residents, conversations, hand on shoulder reassurances— I feel it matters not what department one works in. We are at a facility to help, Nuture, love, guide, give friendship and love to the residences. They deserve the very best of care.
I actually picked a gentleman up at a local hotel at 6am one morning when he wandered away. Talk about uneasiness with management. IMO- money is their only concern and boy do they know how to turn on the charm when needed.
i have done private caregiving and the inept care for some greatly saddens me.
ive told my husband to never put me in a home. I’d rather be deceased.
some residents can be mean- as if it is cliques of high school all over again.
so- enough of my poor viewpoint. In reality- who knows what my future holds.
**I would demand to speak to the owner. Document everything. Date, time and to whom you’ve spoken with to
**does caregiving have a manager to seek out. Ask for an in person meeting- possibly zoom right now
**if you can befriend a caregiver - cleaning staff member - kitchen staff person- they can be a direct, honest person to give you first hand details of your dad. You’ll know when you meet that person when you have that gut feeling that they genuinely care. I would relay the meals eaten, how social they were, mood.... give a staff member you trust a small token. A card is more than enough elaborating on how much you appreciate them!
**contact the local health department
**contact the local senior center and see if they have a mentor / friend program to visit your dad
**contact the local high school counseling office and see if they can recommend a student to help
**contact local colleges, university’s to see about student social workers, nursing/ medical students.
**contact a local caregiving agency- they may have direct knowledge of the care facility your dad is in and can make Recommendations too.
many blessings!
if I think of more resources- I’ll let you know.
Note: Make sure you turn your wrath on the right people. If the actual caregivers are working hard and doing the right thing, find a way to recognize and reward them. They are doing a thankless job. I know you cannot visit. That has to be horrible. If there is any way to get him out, I would seriously consider that.
Good luck! You can do this.
Understanding the 5-finger discounts can make missing items understandable. Mom's Boogie Board (LCD tablet to make communication a bit easier due to her hearing loss) disappeared for a while, then reappeared. Clearly someone walked off with it, but eventually they located it and returned it. The hearing aid she moved in with eventually went through the laundry. Could they have been better about checking her linens when washing them? Sure. The first replacement (bought a pair, both set up for the left as she only used one) went AWOL within a few months. Problem was she kept taking it out and in the past I know she would wrap it in a tissue or napkin. Most likely it was tossed at mealtime. With the remaining one, they kept taking it away from her when she'd take it out. As far as I know it's still there, but probably not used much. I have arrived for visits and saw her wearing clothing I'd never seen before - more than likely this was someone else's items that got mixed into hers (this despite being told her laundry was washed separately. Some of the undies found in her drawer (before we switched to briefs) certainly weren't hers (she only wore cotton, these were the "stretchy type", something she never wore!) She never complained about anything and I never saw anything to complain about (excluding the missing/lost items, which goes with the territory.) She was never set up with a phone, as she really couldn't use it or hear well with it, but I was there often enough, various times of the day and knowing my mother, she would b*tch about anything she didn't like!!!
I have no idea how many stars my mother's facility has, and generally don't base my thoughts on those. We have no idea who posted the rave or bad reviews or why. They had torn down the really old buildings and rebuilt it all, so we didn't have a full view of it until they opened. MC was the last unit to take residents, and mom was the first. Due to lockdown, there's no way to know what's going on at the moment, but in the 3+ years she was there and I could visit, I had no complaints. There are many care-givers there who adore my mother and always tell me things she says and does and comment on how "cute" it is. Mom's facility is 3 level, IL, AL and MC. It is private pay, non-profit. While it is not cheap, I can also say that those who do the actual care are among the lowest paid employees. I would never assume any of them are "in it for the money."
Anyway, Annabox, if you could cite some examples of your (dad's) concerns, it would be easier for us to make suggestions that make sense.
I believe if theyre getting paid for a service.
They need to explain your concerns.
Maybe, A wake up call of .. well, If you can't answer my question I need to look into
other housing for my LOVED one.. might work, might not ?
A little play there game B.S... and if your not standing right there when something happens
to see for yourself. it very well be Dementia ?
Best of luck , We are all in this together .. PATRICK
my mom was in a rehab in 2019. They had staffing issues, cleanliness and medical treatment (or lack there of) I addressed through the facility, but it never was addressed through all shifts.
you need to see if there is an ombudsman in your area, report to state, report to Medicare, etc.
you have a right to be a squeaky wheel.
inwas one at this facility. Medicare actually did an inspection in the beginning of 2020. Guess what? They basically failed the inspection. Many of the cleanliness issues I had seen. Like patients can’t have a wash rag after 9:00 if there is a spill. Lack of washing hands, etc.
one month or so later the pandemic hit. Over 40% of the patients were dead and something like 60%plus were infected.
our loved ones deserve and need squeaky wheels.
Family who can't visit and check on how things are going from first hand observations;
Staff that are exhausted, low-paid, considered about their own health and safety and that of their family when they go home;
Residents/patients in facilities that are confused, alone / lonely.
Not a good time for anyone.
1. You need to reach other people than whoever you are emailing.
- find out who is on the Board of Directors, call or write them.
- call county senior services or Ombudsmen service / non-profit
2. You want to be careful due to Covid.
3. How is it that you believe your dad since he has dementia? If he is being abused, definitely pursue legal investigation. If he says he's losing 'things' - realize it is just things.
4. If you have any concerns about the quality of care, check into it although also be aware that if they ask him to leave, Covid is a concern everywhere.
5. If I were you, I would stop knocking my head against a wall. Find another way 'in' to getting your concerns answered.
6. Don't forget to take care of yourself - this is vitally important. Gena
- call an elder attorney lawyer