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She has the beginning stages of dementia she is 84 years old but is in great physical shape and still cooks drives does the laundry, but forgets to take her vitamins and thyroid pill. I need to have somebody at night because she doesn’t like sleeping alone in the house. My dad just passed away in April and this has not been easy. They were married 60 years so on top of the dementia she is grieving for my dad. Please help -signed a desperate son wanting help for his mom

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I don't think it is fair to berate the OP for his request - we all needed to learn the ropes somewhere along the way.

I can remember many years ago when my grandmother first started to need more help that I too thought some nice young woman might be able to live with her in exchange for a modest salary and room & board. I felt all she needed was a little companionship and and extra pair of hands because I saw my gmother as a strong, mostly capable woman and I loved her unconditionally.
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"Free rent in exchange for taking care of my mom" is included in the title of the OP's question. Sorry, but the idea that there are people (women) who must want to caregive strangers for free waiting around . . . It bugs.

Sunsetcliffs, I apologize if I was overly harsh to you. If your mom truly only needs a meds reminder and someone in the home at night, you might want to see if your county has a housing program matching elders who want housemates for reduced rent.

Best wishes to you, and my condolences for the loss of your father.
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Sunsetcliff - if you just need someone strictly at night to keep her company, then you may just need a watcher or a sitter. If you live near a college, maybe free rent will entice some college students.

Two college students can take turn to stay home at night so that your mother won't be by herself. I suggest two students because one person can't be home every night of the week for months on end. Everyone needs a life. Being stuck at home with a dementia patient is like being stuck in a psych ward. No one enjoys it. The work should be strictly to keep an eye on your mother and call you if there's a problem. When your mother sleeps, the watchers should go sleep, too, not stay up all night to watch her.

If you need other things done like cooking, cleaning, etc. then you need to pay extra or hire a weekly house keeper to do those chores.
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We see this question/proposal often, so excuse my rude and politically incorrect response. Do you want this person to do housework, med administration, cooking, snow shoveling, grocery shopping and errand and doctor appointments?

If you were to hire this person through an agency the cost would be $10,000.00 a month easily. Is the free rent and food also included? You might be able to find someone but you need to check with an elder law attorney and possibly a labor attorney. This person will be an employee of mom's and it needs to be setup correctly to keep out of legal trouble with labor laws. A live in caregiver is considered an employee by the IRS and must be paid with appropriate deductions.
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mollymoose Jun 2019
He said she drives & cooks. He just wants someone to remind her to take her meds & to be in the house at night because his mom is afraid to sleep in the house alone.
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Are you proposing a form of slavery?
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Once again someone writes in looking for a caregiver/slave just as I happen to be doing a week of total 24/7 solo while my sibling is out of town, and so I must reprise my previous answer to this sort of question: your best bet would be to look into hiring someone who is on the run from the law, or maybe hiding from the Mafia. No one else would think it worth it to WORK FOR FREE stuck in a house caring for an elder all day.

So start scouting out ex-cons, drug dealers on the outs with the narco-traffickers, etc.

I'm sorry to be sarcastic but this question is insulting to caregivers.

Sheesh!
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gladimhere Jun 2019
And must pick cotton, too!😡
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My apologies, I sometimes post knee jerk reactions because of my own experience caring for my mom and her hubby.

The twisted sissies thought free room and board was enough compensation for caring for my mom. I had my own bills, house and all the expenses that go along with that. I could not live in my home, mom needed 24/7 care, that was me. Stepdad paid me from the very beginning for what I did for him.

Did twisteds ever volunteer to give me time away, or stay for a week? Nope, not a chance. So, not a clue how difficult this was. Led to them reporting me to APS for exploitation of my mom. There was no such thing occurring and TS's knew it, one of them was mom's POA. Then I got an attorney and a three year legal battle, that I won. Back pay was ordered by the court, a minimal amount especially when you consider what a live-in or facility would have cost.

SC, make some calls to try to find what mom needs. Contact the Area Agency on Aging, have your mom assessed to determine the level of care she needs. Then ask the for assistance in locating help for her.
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polarbear Jun 2019
glad- I'm applauding and cheering (belatedly) your court battle victory over the twisted sissies. No one knows how hard it is to caregive unless they actually do it, live it and breathe it.
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The best you can hope for is an older woman who is looking for a companion and a way to cut down on her own expenses, no RN will be willing to work for rent, in fact caregivers generally get rent plus pay.
(If you do find someone to take you up on your offer remember, you get what you pay for)
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This is tricky. You might find someone, but if you want care for your mom, there should be payment and you must make sure taxes and social security are paid out of the salary. Complicated! There are companies that will hook people up to share a home, but they do not find someone who would offer care for one of the people, only shared responsibilities for the home. Through an agency you could get someone to spend the night as a caregiver, then add hours as the dementia progresses. Or maybe see what you can find out on care.com.
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Sorry, but even a CNA would not work for that little. Does your mother have any money to pay for her care? If a nursing home is needed, would she qualify for medicaid? Do you have durable POA to manage her finances and Medical POA to made medical decisions in her behalf if she can't?

One alternative would be to hire 3 CNA's to work in 8 hour shifts throughout the week.

If she in only the begging stage of dementia and you don't have these two documents she may still be competent enough to sign them? She needs for you to have these if you don't already.
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