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My body is weak and in pain major anxeity like I am choking! Just really under stress but can't just walk away from caring for my Mom till I receive help from another caregiver I am burnt out major anxiety and feeling gloomy pain through my whole body and very weak .

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Here's something else that helps me: I go in front of the mirror and react what upset me the most that Mom said. "You're NOTHING! You don't deserve anything! You should be ashamed of yourself!" or junk like that. Fog horns. I then see how stupid and untrue it is and that it has nothing to do with me at all. It's all about her. Then I can feel sorry for her: no shame, no guilt. This is her problem. i am not responsible for her feelings. She is. Sick or not sick. Your job is stay whole, be alive, find your joy no matter what.
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I agree with the music trick. Soon as I get away from Mom, I come to my place and put on some soothing New Age music and make myself some hot tea. It takes a while to get clean from those awful feelings: anger, resentment, grief, yucky, yuck stuff. I give myself a little time to vent: in front of the mirror helps me. I end up laughing and comforting myself. Then go back to my other things and forget about her until her next demand.
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I love Rescue Remedy: a Bach flower remedy for calming my nerves. Tension Tamer Tea is nice too. Use natural herbs. High sugar ups and downs could be diabetes, right? Cause? Have you read, Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis? Of course this might not be the time for this but eliminating wheat and cooking differently might help. Getting rid of the guillt and your mother's vibrations influencing your own being is the real problem, sounds like. Affirmations like,
"I reclaim my peace and harmony. I am safe. No one can take my inner peace away. I am calm. I am safe. I take care of myself. I give the rest to God."
Realizing you are already taking on a huge act of kindness, give yourself room to let go. Mentally allow the load to lift. Carve out your separate space wherever, however, and for any length of time that you can. Find a safe haven. I would never rely on drugs. Look at diet, and control your own mind. There is always a way to find your inner joy. If you can find others to give you room to go somewhere without your mother, even wondering around a store, a library, or walking around the block, or spend time with a happy kitten. You can find your inner joy again. It is there. We are wired with it.
The more I give the struggle of my mother's life to God, the better I can take care of myself and be of service. The more I let go of guilt, the happier I am with myself. It is a struggle. Like being in a war zone!
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Thank you all for giving me good advice much appreciated you are all so kind and understanding I wish we could all have a group hug lol
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This may sound overly simplistic, but it may help with your need for a good night's rest. I've found that listening to soft music or an audio book gets me to sleep fast. Even leaving a TV or radio on can lull me to sleep. It's very relaxing. I wish you the best and hope things get easier for you.
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Overwhelm, you really are overwhelmed and in need of a break, and I do not think it is always wrong to say what you feel in front of an elder. They may not grasp the nuances but they could get at least a vague idea that you are at wits end and they have to back off a little. One of the reasons caregivers get abused is that we seem to be anchor rocks that can be safely taken for granted and can take everything and anything dumped on us. Well, we can't. Sometimes it will help at least for a short time to let that be known and let it be seen that we have limits. You would not want your loved one to be afraid to ask for things they really need, but they might be able to not yell, scold, and belittle so severely and so nonstop when you cannot meet every single request, trivial or otherwise, instantly.
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I agree with you all yes I need a break I went and received blood work yesterday plus urine sample and the other sample I told my Mom to pop some tv dinners in the oven and went to bed I slept from 4pm till 12:30 am then back to bed but I have to take medication to help me sleep when I sleep my thoughts do not turn off I think of everything and feel guilty or mad frustrated etc last night before I went to bed I told my Mom how stressed I was but was very upset when telling her I was very inpatient with her raising my voice because she was saying go have a rest up stairs then cook supper but I was trying to tell her I am done for the day anyways I was in the wrong for flapping at the gums and feel very ashamed for doing it even though I said sorry to her many times after and asking for her forgiveness. Anyways today I am going to the support group .
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you should give your self a break. it is not a selfish act to care for yourself! because remember, you should take good care of yourself before you can take care of others!
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I hope overwhelm and mynuthouse listen to teach other. You are both having a real hard time, but can't see how much YOU deserve help. But you each can see that the other one needs help. I wish that you can get help.

If there is any money available, pay for a day of respite care each week. Who cares if she hates it? It's one day. On your day off, get a massage, and then go to the Elder Affairs office and find out what they can do for you.

If there is NO money available, get her onto Medicaid, and they will pay for some respite care.
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Overwhelm, I could be writing this myself. Here it is 5:30am and I woke up earlier and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel hopeless and desperate. I am in therapy, on anti depressants,and that was my plan for tomorrow to make an appointment with my dr. Maybe sleeping pills or anti-anxiety. Valium seems to help. Just to get over this hump!
I don't know about you but the holidays were very stressful. My kids were home from college and my mom was jealous and feel ignored. It has to be all about her or she is not happy. Also had a very sick horse! Who is going to be fine but it was touch and go for a while.
I also thought about respite care and/or taking a brief vacation. My mom had a psychotic episode last night and I called hospice to report. They told me to give her some seroquel which calmed her down. She just kept screaming how she hated living with me and no one cares about her. She doesn't want to go to a nursing home. I do have activated medical POA so I could force her. But I couldn't live with the guilt. I could see her balling as they take her away kicking and screaming. She is not able to live on her own. When she was having this episode I did think of calling social services to do I am not sure what? Hospice was going to come out but she resolved with the meds.
Like you, my health is being greatly affected. I am pre-diabetic and my blood sugars have been up and down. Actually passed out for a while in a store. What am I wondering for you also if you go to the doctor and since you are their patient and advocate for you can they call someone and say a nursing home is probably the best option before you end up in the hospital. My therapist says at the minimum at least do respite care. It would relieve my guilt some if the doctor said it was necessary. Hope this helps you.
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Good advice from people, overwhelm. I hope that it is nothing serious. If it is nothing serious, sounds like a vacation is in order. I wonder if there is a warm beach where you can sit and sip margueritas and listen to Jimmy Buffett. The main problem with that is you probably wouldn't ever want to come back.
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Thank you so much yes it could be some other health problem I will go tomorrow for sure to get a check up I never thought of it that way.
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overwhelm, shortly after starting to care for my husband who had severe dementia symptoms, I started having symptoms of my own. I was so weak I remember sitting in a chair and directing my young grandchildren to do some housekeeping chores. My primary care doctor told me it was "anxiety" and that was understandable under the circumstances. She tried on anti-anxiety med after another. Meanwhile I got weaker and less functional. Finally I went to an ER. I has been there less than an hour when they diagnosed the real problem -- diabetes!!

overwhelm, I'm sure not trying to say you have diabetes, but I am pointing out that just because you are caregiving and you have symptoms doesn't mean the symptoms are necessarily related to caregiving!

So my first advice is to have a through medical exam, bringing in a list of all the symptoms you are experiencing. Also take a friend or relative with you who can act as your advocate and insist that all symptoms are taken seriously and all appropriate test are done.

Secondly, call your county social services department. Explain that you are caring for your Mom but that you are having a health crisis and you cannot do this alone, at least until/unless you get your own health under control. Explain what kind of care your mother needs.

Just as the airlines tell you to put your own air mask on first and then help others, first you have to manage your own health before you can effectively help anyone else.

But I know it is really no good just telling you that. Duh. You KNOW you need to take care of yourself! But what about Mother? Believe me, I struggled with that issue myself. You are in no shape right now to take on the daunting task of setting up alternate care for her. Get help getting help. I suggest Social Services. Another resource might be the Agency on Aging in your state.

Please, please, look up the numbers for these places tonight. Call them first thing in the morning.

Maybe this is burnout. Maybe it isn't. Maybe when you regain your health you'll be better able to cope with caregiving. Maybe you will at least be strong enough to oversee your mother's welfare without doing all the hands-on work.

But start taking action now. You deserve it.
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I am going to a caregiver support Thursday one on one and the case manager is coming sometime this week maybe I can get some respite care?
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Wow
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Call your MD, have him declare you incapacitated, admit you to a hospital and have social services collect your mother. Sure we want to save them, but when it is killing us, we have to save ourselves. Did you know that 30% of caregivers die before their patients? You are at that point.
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