I'm forced to take care of 3 people...



Wow! You have your hands full, not to mention your mind and your soul. How devastating it must be to have the people you would normally turn to for support to be all needing your help!

I understand what you mean by being forced to care for them. But no one is holding your beloved cat hostage or threatening you with a gun. You "have" to care for them because you love them, you feel some obligation, and that decision fits your moral code. I found that when the going got tough (with just 1 person to care for) it was comforting to remind myself that what I was doing this was my choice. And I could make a different choice if I really thought that was best. Your sister, your SO, your father -- none of them have a choice about their infirmities, but you truly have choices in how you deal with them. I know that doesn't actually lighten the work load, but it did make me feel better. It also inspired me to choose to get more help.

Why does your sister only get help twice a week? Is she on an insurance plan or government program that limits her to that? Is that all her doctor as ordered? Is she undergoing aggressive treatments? If more in-home help would be useful, perhaps you can choose to be an advocate in arranging that for her. Does she have any money saved that she could use for paying out-of-pocket for help? If she is saving for a rainy day, I'd say it is pouring! Have you contacted the local organization that deal with her type of cancer? They may know of some resources. Also the Area Agency on Aging may have helpful information. Sometimes there are local sources of help -- volunteers from a church or civic organization.

Would it be feasible for your sister to spend some time at your dad's house, so you could be an encouraging presence for both of them? Could Sis and Dad do somethings together -- checkers, or baking cookies, or even just watching television together? Same question for SO. Would spending at least some time with you at Dad's house be feasible?

Even if none of these suggestions apply, I think you get the idea. Get rid of the idea that you and you alone are forced to provide all care for all of these people. Then get creative about how to get some relief.

BTW, this is off topic, but how are you supporting yourself? Are you OK financially?

Hugs to you! You have a heavy load, and I hope you can discover some ways to lighten it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to jeannegibbs

Exactly what freqflyer said!
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Reply to SnoopyLove

chandraclaws, one thing you need to ask yourself, what will everyone do if something happens to you? There needs to be options or you will crash and burn quickly. Then who would take care of you?

Options such as checking the cost for Assisted Living, there are some really nice places that are designed like a hotel. If your Dad owns his house and has a lot of equity, that could pay for the cost of Assisted Living. Dad needs to be around people of his own generation. That was one thing my own Dad liked about his Assisted Living, plus the great meals. Dad never felt like he was alone.

Once you get Dad settled, then you can check out options for your sister and your sig other.
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Reply to freqflyer

Sorry, I accidently hit the post button while exasperated and still working on the headline. As you can see it is not a fully developed thought, no details or follow up. At the time I could see no options but to take care of my 96 year old Dad, my sister now with stage 3 cancer, and my significant other who is unable to walk after 3 failed knee replacement surgeries, and two more coming up in May and June. I've been responsible for their care because there is no one else in their lives who is willing to help. Not much has changed. My sister is now getting some home health care at her house, which we are grateful for, but it's only 2X / week and she lives alone. I still live with and care for my Dad, and driving back and forth to help S/O.

Meanwhile, I'm ending up leaving Dad alone more than I would like to, but he
can still shower and get dressed (Thank God) and just about make it to the Lazyboy, so no help from VA, even though he can barely walk or balance.

Anyway, mostly a rant having lost my mind over a year ago when I was already begging for a long sought after vacation. Still no hope. If I could even have 2 nights to go camping in the desert...alone.
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Reply to chandraclaws

This person posted 3 yrs ago. At time taking care of a father.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Forced? At gunpoint? Under threat of law? What is the force being used? Who are the 3 people?
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Reply to jeannegibbs

Who is forcing you?

Who are the 3 people?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn