They have not given me receipts etc...
Just shows $823.00 for clothes
Another $423.00 clothes
Today $774.00 for a wheelchair, baby dolls and clothes again

You go immediately and ask for the receipts. Now. Give them a deadline. Then contact ombudsman's office if deadline not met. For every cent they take out of the account, there should be a receipt. I can't imagine that she needs that many clothes. Wheelchair, ok, if she doesn't have one - but I would find out why she had to buy her own - maybe a specialty type.

I would also send someone to find out how many clothes are in her room - do numbers match up compared to receipts? There is a huge issue with clothes being lost at facilities. All of her things need labels. Are you close enough to buy what she needs and tell them no more clothes out of the trust? If so, I'd do that.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to my2cents

Wooooah why do they have access to her account??? Get them off of it or close that account. You should be given monthly bills. My dad had monthly itemized bills sent. He had a small personal account but dont keep much in that. He couldn't walk to a store to spend that on anything. I never saw a store there. I think at one time he had 60 in it, and they said they were buying him things. So we stopped that and I would only put 15 dollars in it for hair cuts. Right before the hair cut. No one needs 800 in clothes! No way. Is she going to a grand ball? ??? Is that for the year? We bought my dad clothes and they kept taking off with them. They said they have a big pile of clothes somewhere, and they dress the residents from that. He couldn't even keep socks in his room. They would be gone the next day but he was dressed. We gave up bc everything would be gone out of his drawers.
Close that account or put the going rate for a haircut right before the appointment. You make the appointment. Thats it. You want a receipt for that too. I would demand receipts for every single item. You can buy her dolls. They dont need to. I would want to see where they are buying the dolls from. Do they have a store there? At the nursing homes I worked at they had several wheel chairs that were parked in a corner, and you would use those for residents. Now with covid I dont know if they want individual ones for each resident. But I'd want to see that too. See if its in her room since she/you paid for it. It can't be down the hall or someone else using it. Has to be in her room with her name on it. No one else using it.
No way she needs that many clothes. Unless thats for a year and I still dont buy that.. Shut that down! If she needs something they can call you. You'll get it. I would go to the home and make sure she has her dolls in her room. And the 800 dollars in clothes. The briefs and bed protectors should be coming out of the monthly 10k for room/board. Its included unless your at some exclusive place.
Tell them you will take care of it. Shut that down now. I dont buy that. Most have clothes from home, and that is good enough. They might need socks or the occasional bra but I cant see that. Shut that down today. Are you in the same state? I know when my dad had money in account it would get spent but my dad was a diabetics mostly non verbal. He wouldn't say lets go to the store. So we stopped that. We took him magazines and items. Funny those were always in his room. If they balk at you closing it too bad. Just do it.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to Jasmina

That is a lot of money for clothing, sundries and entertainment supplies. Review the terms of the contract with the nursing home. You might also wish to talk to a lawyer that specializes in elder law.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to Taarna

Actually your Mother is allowed to spend. You as POA are to act as she wants, as she would act to the best of your knowledge were she competent. If your mother is NOT competent then you should be managing all money and she should not have ATM card, charge or credit or debit cards, access to accounts at all. She could be given a spending account all her own. According to her assets and remembering her money must last, you can refill this account on a basis. My brother and I agreed, when he was diagnosed with Lewy's dementia that I would be POA and Trustee of Trust, would handle all bills, would provide him a monthly accounting of assets in and costs outgoing, and that he would have his own personal spending account so he could shop for items he wanted. Either your Mom is competent to act on her own in these purchases or she is not competent. If the latter, she shouldn't have the means. If you are financial POA I am not certain why the Nursing Home is in charge of the spending, and without receipts this all sounds FISHY in the extreme to me.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to AlvaDeer

My first though is that's a really inexpensive wheelchair, and some pretty pricey clothes!
What is their explanation - how often are you in contact with the NH? Are you having regular care conferences, either in person or virtual? Maybe you should just keep a smaller amount in the trust account and transfer in funds as needed, that way they would need to contact you for any major purchases.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to cwillie

Hi, I would write a letter (state only the facts, and minimum) and have it notorized, and have a witness deliver it in person, and obtain a signature.
Explain to them that there can be NO spending unless it is approved by you in advance, under the grounds that you have to legally maintain a financial record of that account, and can under no circumstances be left out of the loop in a legally binding financial situation that you are responsible for. I'm not an attorney, but am a small business owner, and money is money.
The only possible issue you are going to likely run into here is finding out that there's some loophole that allows these people to access your mom's money and spend it freely as long as they say it's necessary for her care and comfort.
You can verify the cost of most things, question things that appear to be out of line etc, but that's also a slippery slope because you yourself don't want to end up in a position where you are questioning and fighting every little thing your mom needs for her comfort and peace, and here's why.......
When mom's no longer here, none of this will matter to you. A trust fund of a million dollars coming your way, or a negative balance thanks to the nursing homes frivolous spending, the only thing that is going to matter is the way you feel.
If you are like me, you'll only be thinking about how the world all of a sudden feels different, and the things you once thought to be important are now insignificant.
You'll spend a lot of time coming to terms with it, and trying to figure out if you did everything right for mom, so you can say you are at peace with the situation because you DID do everything in the best way possible.
Hard to imagine, but even the value of money changes when your mom leaves this world.
I guess what I'm saying is, do the best you can to resolve the situation, but proceed with caution and make sure you choose your battles carefully and avoid adding any new scars to your soul. Life is hard enough when we deal with these stages of our lives, and the outcomes depend on how we choose and win our battles......Best of luck
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Nevertoheal

I agree that FISHY is the right word Alva. I had to buy my mom specialty clothes to accommodate her wheelchair and the lift - several each open backed nightgowns, vests, tops and pants - and although in my opinion it was all way over priced it never came near that amount of money. I'd be wondering what the heck are they buying, and where is it all going that it needs replacing so often?
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to cwillie
Buffytwmo49 Mar 8, 2021
When I had guardianship and poa for my grandmother I made copies of all receipts for clothes and labeled every price as to what it was. Blue xl sweatshirt, bras, undies etc. I would demand that nursing home do the same thing. Especially if you are not purchasing the items. Makes inventory keeping at lot easier as you know what she has and what she might need. Again demand accountability
I would be contacting a certified elder law attorney asap for a consult at least. I'm sure if the attorney asks for receipts they might not only suddenly be able to provide them, but will clean up their act.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to gdaughter

Hi Patches:

I'm unclear how the nursing home has access to her trust account in the first place. If you have the POA, then they should be consulting you before making purchases on her behalf, and only do as you direct. It would be different if there were a small account for sundries (toothpaste, diapers if necessary, etc.) but why are they out buying clothes? Is the wheelchair rented?

I would not allow them access to any significant unrestricted funds and would demand receipts immediately.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Oskigirl

They must provide receipts. End of. No receipt, no claim from your mother's trust account.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Countrymouse

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter