I've been dad's sole caretaker for 4 years, my brother and his wife want to apply for Guardianship. What can I do?

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Dad had 3 strokes during the last 4 yrs and I have been by his side either in the hospital, nursing home & certainly while I was his caretaker in my home. He also has Parkinsons and was recently diagnosed with Liver Cancer. During this time my brother has not bothered to be involved in his life or in his healthcare. In 4 yrs I think he has visited dad 10 times and he lives only 7 miles from our home. His wife's way of explaining her non-involvement in his life is that she has to work and he is not her father. An argument started after that statement and they told me they were going to have an attorney file for Guardianship over our father. I am dads Medical and Financial POA. They threatened to have me put in jail for "stealing" dads money. He has none!! When he lived with me we had an agreement that I would use his SS check (1600.00) to cover shelter and misc costs as I saw fit. I did not work while I cared for him so he knew his check would have to cover our bills each month. I didn't receive any compensation from him. I have paid dads life insurance each month when he is in the nursing home because he only gets 25.00 of his SS check. Recently dad was attacked in a hospital by another patient. My brother has been after me to sue the hospital for dad. Because of Medicaids look back policy dad would never see a dime of it. so I haven't pursued it. My brother has no idea about Medicaids policy or anything pertaining to dads care in the first place. Dad hasn't been deemed incompetent by his Dr so I don't think he can apply for Guardianship anyway. He also wants to move dad in a nh 2 blocks from him and away from the one he loves. Does anybody know if he can have me taken off as dads POA or obtain Guardianship? he has also said he will have me barred from visiting dad.

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I agree, start gathering all your receipts and logs of expenses on your father.

As for POA, your dad was not ruled incompetent, so he can do whatever he wants. He can change the POA (even a declared incompetent can change POA during their SANE moments) with or without your knowledge. He can leave NH anytime he wants. He can change his will to anyone he wants. And because he believes your brother, I will start gathering my receipts, notes, bills and get ready to be sued for stealing from your own father. I agree, find a lawyer to protect you Now and not when they come at you. You have enough time to prove your innocence. I'm soooo sorry that your sibling is doing this. They seem to come out of the woodworks when a parent lands in NH. NH means near death. Death means money. So, they become aggressive to get the parent away from the caregiving sibling.
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The nh told me that unless dad is ruled incompetent then whatever he has to say on any matters override what I decide for him. My brother has went in and told my dad that I was stealing all his money and trying to kill him. My dad goes balistic if he even thinks someone is touching his money. He has always been that way. I do have MPOA and FPOA but I'm sure my brother has told him to take that away from me and give it to him. My dad doesn't even know one day to the next what is going on. he thinks he has fires in his room, his dead brother is there and all kinds of stuff. But they say he is just confused, not incompetent. I do not have the money to see out an attorney. I quit my job to care for dad in my home before he fell and was admitted to the nh he is in now. All I can ask for is prayers for dad and I. Only God is going to be able to help us thru this.
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Rosie, didn't you say you have Dad's MPOA and FPOA? As to the finiancial is it a DurablePOA? I could be wrong, but I believe it is immediate and does not become void upon a declaration of Dad's incompetence. Please read it over, and by all means consult an elder care attorney ASAP. Also, as to the MPOA, that should detail your Dad's wishes as to his care in various medical condition scenarios. Personally, I don't think your brother has a leg to stand on. I would say now is the time to get a handle on exactly what your POA empowers you to do and then act on it (I think that's why they call it "power" :). I'll bet even the NH's and AL's don't read the bloody contracts fine print either. I'm no better I actually need to do the same - my Uncle is getting to be a handful and I'll need to make some serious decisions pretty soon. I'm on your side - Good Luck and keep us posted - we can learn from your experiences.
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Most definately start documenting EVERYTHING just to cover your back. Talk to an attorney if feasable. I am speaking from experience (and this dates from when I was a child.)
From the sound of things, do NOT put it past dear ol' bro and company to try and sue you over some non existant legacy after dad is gone. Since he's convinced you are stealing money, he will also believe you have a looot of it stashed somewhere. Cover yourself!!! This is more than his just trying to take over guardianship. Protect yourself, and start now.
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Certainly contact the doctor. It can't hurt. I'm so sorry for this situation.
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Just returned from the nh and I was told that if dad wanted to go with my brother there is nothing I can do about it. When I was at dads on saturday he was his pleasant (but confused self). Yesterday a family friend stopped by to see him and he asked where I was. Today I go in and he is the devil himself when he see's me. he starts yelling for me to get away from him, get outta here, etc and took off in his wheelchair down the hall. I caught up with him in the activities room where some nurses were meeting and his behavior was still very cold toward me but he managed to stop yelling and talk in a reasonable manner. he told me my brother had been by yesterday and he is going to take him home and care for him. After 4 yrs of little to no contact he's just gonna waltz in and take my dad from a safe place. The nh told me he can do it if dad agrees. I did talk to a investigator for DCF and she said it would be dangerous and not in dads best interest to be moved anyplace at this stage of his life.She knows dad and is aware of his medical history. If my brother takes him and something happens he can be prosecuted. I wonder if contacting dads Dr could get this insanity stopped.
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My brother isn't trying to protect me from anything. His concern is motivated by greed and nothing more. he seems to think my father is going to receive a huge settlement from a lawsuit that I haven't and will not be filing for him.
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Is it possible your brother is trying to protect you from giving up your life to take care of your dad? With the additional information your provided, it sounds like your dad has some issues with both of you and maybe hasn't treated either of you very well through the years because of his drinking. If your brother is trying to protect you, then he's not such a bad guy after all.
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Oh your poor Dad it breaks my heart to hear how your brother is treating him....Good luck..
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Thanks for the helpful info. Dad has times when he's confused but he is able to answer questions in a competent manner most of the time. He has Parkinsons and it has progressed to where he can only say a few words at a time. I have asked about Guardianship myself when dad has had one of his "meltdowns" and has told the hospital not to release info to me. They said unless a Dr says he's incompetent then they have to abide by his wishes. After a day or 2 I go visit him and things are right between us again. I was on vacation in June & got a call from his previous nh telling me to pick him up because he no longer had any medicare days & they would be charging him 240.00 per day & that I was to write them out a check for the rest of the month & any months after that he was there they wanted his SS check (1600.00) and 4400.00 from me. We don't have that kind of money. I was in New Hampshire and dad was in Florida. I called my brother to tell him the situation & he said "I'm not going to go get him. Stay in New Hampshire like you planned for another week. What are they gonna do throw him out in the street"? I left the next day because dad needed my help. He did come home with me when I got back. I do not have the money to contact a lawyer but I will contact any & all agencies where I might receive some help with this. I fear for my dads life if my brother is given any rights concerning his care. He will put him somewhere and leave him to die alone. My brother has already stated that "dad did this to himself so I don't feel sorry for him." Dad started to drink after the death of my younger brother years ago and he thinks because of this dad had his strokes. I will keep everyone informed as things progress. Thank God for this Forum..
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