I’m caring for my Grandma while my Mom is at work. I left my home and sold my car to do this. How long should I continue to do this?

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We all live together. It's been nearly two years. How long should I continue to do this? I can’t work because I have no car and no income. I’m in the house 90 percent of the time. They say if I don’t want to do it anymore just tell them. My grandma says she’ll have to sell her home and go to a nursing home and my mom will have nothing. My mom says she will quit her job, one she has been at for years and has worked very hard to make the money she does now. I feel stuck.

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IMO two years is about one year too long. I think it was great that you were able to jump in and help until they were able to make more permanent arrangements, but it seems as though nobody has ever seriously considered taking the next step. You deserve to have a life too, your mother and grandmother's needs and desires are not more important than yours. Somebody (grandmother and her POA) needs to sit down with a good financial planner and an elder law attorney who is well versed in medicaid and figure out the best way go forward from here - there are other options!
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Reply to cwillie
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I agree with FF, Butterfly. You need to worry about what’s good for you. Mom is putting a lot of guilt on you. Grandma would be ok in a nursing home, and as FF said, she can apply for Medicaid. Mom doesn't need to quit her job and it’s not fair of her to tell you that if you go out and create a future for yourself she will have to give up her’s. You need to start planning now for your own retirement and get yourself on a health insurance plan. Find a job on a bus route until you can afford a car. Good luck.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Butterfly, I see from your profile that your Grandmother is 94 years old and her major health issue is heart/stroke. It all depends on how much Grandmother can do for herself, and how much care she needs at this point in time.

Grandmother could apply for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] to which Medicaid would pay for her care in a Nursing Home. Or would Grandmother rather move and use the equity in her house to live in Assisted Living? Your Mom is upset over a possible sell but Grandmother can whatever she wants with her own house.

If Medicaid is accepted, your Mom could continue to live in Grandmother's house, paying for the mortgage [if any], the real estate taxes, utilities, homeowner's insurance, etc. until Grandmother passes, then Medicaid would place a lien on the house so Medicaid can be reimbursed from the equity for the cost of care. Any equity left over would go to the heirs, depending on how Grandmother's Will is written.

I really hate to see anyone, including grown Grandchildren, have to quit employment to take care of a Grandparent. Dropping employment is more than just salary, but the net worth of any benefits one gets, especially health insurance.

This is a really tough time in everyone's lives. It's all trial and error on what to do.
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Reply to freqflyer
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