How can I explain that to make a plan we have to call the other person and see if they are around. If they are we can go visit, if not we cannot go.

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Your profile indicates that your aunt has dementia. I'd likely not leave the plans up to her, since it sounds like she's not able to contact the friends, arrange the visits, etc. When the person is no longer able to do that, planning and scheduling is no longer their responsibility. I'd just make the arrangements, as best you can to keep her happy as possible, and then go with that. Convincing her, getting her to understand, getting her on board, probably won't work, so, I wouldn't invest a lot of time in that. Plus, if she did accept it, she'd likely forget, so, I'd go for keeping her as occupied as possible and stick with the schedule you deem best. I know it's extremely stressful to have to keep repeating things and saying what is what, but, I'm not aware of anything else working, because their brain just isn't able to process it anymore. For example, I might say, Jane isn't home. We're going to Mary's at 4:00. And just stick with it.

Like some others have said, can you get her to an adult day program that accommodates those with dementia? Some have secure facilities. You might even check a Memory Care facility to see if they have day programs, so that she can have interaction, activities and you can get a break. And, I'd discuss her constant movement with her doctor. She may be overly anxious.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

Try to see if there are any programs at your local library that you can take her to and be with her at. Libraries in many places have become the new community centers with craft activities, health screenings, movie times, exercise classes, gardening, cooking classes. The great aspect of library stuff is that it likely is totally free, air conditioned, smaller class size so allows for 1-on-1 interaction; it’s just an hour or two; plus handicapped entries, parking & bathrooms.

If she does well at these, then move her into a longer day program with lunch that the city or a church sponsors. These you don’t have to stay for & hopefully she’ll be ok for a 4 - 5 hr day program.

Also try to get a handicapped parking permit if you don’t have one.
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Reply to igloo572

Hi, Lazo. I remember when you posted that your auntie has so much energy that she is unable to sit still and is on her feet wandering around most of her days. Did you find anything for her to do. I know we suggested checking in with her doctor and even walking dogs. Although you might want to be cautious with the dog-walking as if your auntie is not steady on her feet even a small dog could trip her or pull her over.

Auntie should be able to see her friends if she desires to see them. If she wishes to call them during the day when they are working, suggest she texts or emails them instead and help her to do it. Don’t make plans for large get-togethers though. People with dementia become confused, upset and anxious in large groups.

it is very difficult to explain things to people who suffer with dementia. If you explain her friends are working, she most likely will not comprehend what you are saying. You will have to explain it again in a short while. Rather, suggest you call “later”. Tell Auntie her friends “are busy”. She will most likely obsess about it because that is another facet of dementia. Then you must redirect her with a walk outdoors, a television program, looking through a photo album or even doing a simple puzzle.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

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