I used to work two and a half jobs for 20 years before quitting and finally fulfilling my dream of buying a home living in Florida. After my Dad passed 7 years ago I moved in with my Mom. I finally have my home and a break before going back to work so I can work on my house. My Mom is sweet but is with me 24/7, up early in the morning and stays up late. My older brother lives in the area. I foolishly thought he might give me some support once I moved here. A break now and then.....uh no. For one he has never had to take care of anyone other than himself. He has worked part time for 10 years in the evenings yet always has something he 'has to do' during the day.
Before moving here he promised to take Mom out and do things with her during the day so I could finally have a break (practice some self-care) and get my home in order. I shipped all my parents antiques and furniture here for my Mom. My brother is more interested in what we have in all the boxes and looking in our fridge for food plus washing his laundry here once a week because he doesn't have a washer dryer. I set boundaries but he still thinks mowing the lawn once a week is 'helping' (I'm buying my own mower this week). I need time alone. Every suggestion I give my Mom for doing something she doesn't like. She doesnt want to to go the beach, doesn't swim, doesn't like the local senior center (I don't blame her). Even as I type this she walks around sighing loudly. Her way of telling me she's bored. I ask her what she would like to do and suggest fun things, but she tells me "oh I don't know I'm fine. What do you think?'
I can't entertain her 24/7 but then she gets frustrated and I'm tied up in knots. My siblings think they're going to inherit antiques and my Mother's bank funds though have never-never done anything for them, never contributed when I was paying mom and dad's groceries and cooking for them in between working two jobs. My health is failing. Short of shouting from a rooftop, I have expressed this a million different ways both calmly and with frustration. Oh and my brother sees me as not working, only hanging around the house with Mom. Totally ignoring the fact I cared for our parents while I worked for years. Completely oblivious of what I do and what caring for a 93 year old with dementia involves (though I have explained and written down). When my brother does take my mom out, she says "well he's gonna come drag me outta here, so you can get rid of me and be by yourself".... She isn't stupid, she knows my brother only comes to take her out because I need to be alone but somehow makes me feel guilty. I'm at my wit's end. Any advice is welcomed!