My mom has been in AL less than 2 weeks. I can hardly take her anxiety levels anymore. I’ve put my life on hold to be her caretaker, ever since dad declined and was hospitalized in 2020. Actually I was caretaker for both, although he died in LTC after 10 months hospice. She’s been riddled with anxiety and mental problems ALL my life. After dad died I heavily tweaked her world to care and keep her healthy and entertained while living at home. She’s been thoroughly evaluated medically and she’s not physically handicapped and scores high cognitively. She is manipulative and emotionally draining. At the start of July she began dialing 911 all the time. She didn’t want whoever stayed with her to sleep or to leave (she dials 911 immediately when you leave). She loudly howls “help me!” in the middle of night and wakes you up, then says she doesn’t know what’s wrong. After 2 hospitalizations and 2 different rehabs within the last 4 months she’s now in AL and the nursing director is not sure they can meet her demands. She said, “Your mom knows how to play the victim and I’ve had to tell staff to set boundaries.” She wants to be pushed everywhere in a wheelchair even though she walks just fine, she says she can’t.
Anyway, today PT called me to say they met mom and their recommendation is that I should be more "supportive" of her because my distancing is giving her anxiety. lol I’ve been supportive ALL MY LIFE. I listened and thought, “How do I start to explain ALL I’ve done to be supportive of her? What about me?” and I kind of felt like I couldn’t breathe when they said that. Has anyone else been told such a thing by “professionals”? I mean, I’ve gotten that type of disregard from a tiny handful of friends & family over the years who just want to stay in their fairytales about what this kind of caregiving takes out of you. I just want to hear how you got over advice like that from the “medical world”.