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He is 88 with vascular dementia for 2-3 years. All is peaceful if unpredictable while we are alone. Now I have arranged to sell a property out of state and his adult children and a private duty care giver will be here. What should I expect of my “re-entry” into his life? I’m expecting confusion and maybe some resentment.

I doubt he'll have any sense of you having been gone for any period of time. I didn't see my mother (also with vascular dementia) from mid-March 2020 until at least six months later thanks to Covid, and she didn't miss a beat.
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Reply to MJ1929
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My mother has vascular dementia too. I doubt if he will even remember that you were gone very long. Mom wakes up every morning and everything is new all over again.
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Reply to Debstarr53
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Carelyn73: Edited to say that I do understand that things could be unpredictable as your spouse has vascular dementia. Please disregard my prior post. Prayers sent.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Probably say something to the effect, "I am sorry that I had to be gone to take care of some business." and "I am glad to be with you again."
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Reply to Taarna
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Carelyn73: Imho, you classified him as "unpredictable" in the same sentence as "peaceful" while you are alone. That said, the word, unpredictable could be referred to as emotional. I will pray that everything goes well for you.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Not worried about when you return..but before you leave:
Have the daily pill box filled up..but write down on piece of paper what to take & when in case it by accident falls out of the little square! Have enough supplies on hand & food in house. Also write down emergency phone numbers of Drs ..&/or pharmacy. & of course where you will be & phone number. Good luck & have “fun”
hugs 🤗
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Reply to CaregiverL
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You might bring him a treat or surprise (like you did with your kids when they were little) and simply say you were out to get him something nice. That should cover it all!
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Reply to Helen4sure
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With his age and problems, anything can be expected. When you come home, if he attacks you, just say you were only gone since yesterday or a few hours. Don't argue - just state that and then get him to change the subject. And if he doesn't stop, just walk away until he calms down - do NOT let him guilt you or put stress on you. You are doing nothing wrong so stand your ground. And if he is very difficult to handle, why isn't he in a facility rather than living with you?
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Reply to Riley2166
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I too, have worried about this, but found that when I returned he acted as if I had never left. He actually acts like I had just been out of the room a minute, even though I had been gone a week. So, the time is long for you, but for him it might be just a blip. Don't worry!
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Reply to celden
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Oh, I know just what you are worried about.
I was in the same position, I was going to go on a vacation, had not had one in about 8 years. My Husband had been going to Adult Day Care at a local Memory Care facility. (He had been kicked out of the regular one and I talked my way into the facility accepting him) I was going to go for 2 1/2 weeks. I was so worried that :
*He would be so "institutionalized" by the time I got home that I would not be able to bring him home.
*He would not remember me.
*He would die while I was gone.
and the list goes on....
When I got back it was like I had dropped him off that morning. As soon as he got into the house he sat down in his recliner.
If his adult children and the caregiver that you have staying with him have not been alone with him for a given length of time, several hours, I would suggest that you have them do that before you leave so he is used to them being there and not you. Let them help even if you are there so that he gets used to following direction from someone else.
He may surprise you, there may be no confusion. OR he may decline more because you are not there.
You have to do this, so do not spend a lot of time worrying about the "what if's" the worry is not going to change what will or will not happen. It just stresses you out.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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GardenArtist Oct 16, 2021
Having the children and the elder acclimate for sometime before leaving is an excellent suggestion.  If the transition is smoother and more comfortable it hopefully won't be as dramatic, or upsetting.
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