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Hello All!


I am a personal support worker currently working at a nursing home. There is a resident whom I have became very close with and he often confides to me that he wants to leave the NH and he would love to take a trip elsewhere. He says he could hire me as his fulltime caregiver and I have no idea what to do in order to make that happen and something inside me is telling me I should do it and give this man his last chance to live his life the way he wants to instead of wasting his life away alone in his room.


Right now my Resident is completely cognitive. We have full on conversations, he can walk a few steps, stand, everything a cognitive person can do except his ADLs which I can gladly take care of. He does not need any other nursing care other than meds. This man came to the nursing home WAY too early.


My resident has a rare progressive brain disease that basically kills brain cells. It is different in every case and progression seems very slow as he needs LIMITED assistance right now.


I am reaching out to you all to help me get this man out of this nursing home and to live his life to the fullest as I am 100% willing to do anything I can. Also did I mention that his wife is resistant to him leaving the NH and going on the trip? PLEASE HELP! And give me your input on whether or not I should do be his 24/7 live in caregiver.


Also I am in my early 20s if that makes any difference.


Thank you all soo soo much!!! :)

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Either you are a very inexperienced care worker in your early 20s or you have taken leave of your senses.

If you have genuine concerns that your resident's rights are not being respected, report your concerns to your line manager.

If you can't do that, or it doesn't go anywhere, go to your state's care standards regulator and find out how to report potential abuse.

If you, as a support worker in a nursing home, take any steps to assist this man to leave the nursing home, or to undermine his wife's legitimate decisions made in his best interests, you will be in more trouble than can be easily explained.

I suspect you also have a lot to learn about dementia.

Look. By all means continue to have enjoyable conversations with your resident about the road trips he'd like to make, and encourage him to talk about his memories of travel, and then other aspects of his life too. That is fine, that is good work, that is enriching his quality of life.

But taking at face value what somebody with a progressive brain disease says about what he wants to do and acting on it would be so unbelievably irresponsible I can't think what you're thinking.
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Have you ever been young?
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Just to be blunt: Don't get between a husband and wife. At any and all jobs now and in the future, don't encourage married men to run off with you. If this patient starts blabbing about how you and he are planning to run away, it won't look good for you. It will in fact look quite bad and you may find yourself suddenly no longer employed and without a good reference for a future job.
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gdaughter Jan 2019
Clearly better to work cooperatively with all, but she is obviously doing this from having a good heart and not the one who encouraged any of this. As for being without a good reference...she would not be the first person to omit an employer where things didn't go well.
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Ok, some here are saying you are a female, and some a male. Not sure which. Then you say he wants to go on a trip.. then mention being his full time caregiver. I don't mean to sound suspicious.. but how often on here do we read about some "young thing" trying to take over "elderly dad or mom's care" over family wishes.. ALL the time!! And the responces are never good or happy.. it's always about financial or elderly abuse. I am assuming that wife has POA and financial control, so even if he has buckets of money.. cough... how do you assume he will get ahold of it ? I doubt she will just happily hand over cash, when she has already had him placed somewhere she feels is providing him proper care. Perhaps she won't let him come out because she really does love him and want the best for him? I just feel something is off here. Sorry if I am wrong...
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GonzalezJ Jan 2019
You are completely wrong and unhelpful
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If I found out that a caregiver was making plans with my parent to abscond from a facility to take a dream vacation or live independently, I’d call the police. Your seeming concern for your patient aside, you need to know your place.
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gdaughter Jan 2019
There's a lot to happen before it would get that far. Her dedication to her patient is admirable and she is only asking for guidance, not to be slammed as a potential criminal. She seems to know her place quite well.
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I think you heart is in the right place but.....I don’t think you have any idea what you would be getting yourself in to. I also find it extremely inappropriate that you would even consider undermining the mans wife and the medical professionals that have determined he needs to be in a nursing home. That’s just a personal opinion though. I just have serious concerns with a PSW thinking they know better. If you have concerns over the care and treatment of a resident, report it. Don’t make matters into your own hands and try to “bust them out” of the facility.

have you considered that what you experience with him is just show timing? I think it’s reasonable to assume you aren’t with him 24/7. Even if he is still at a mild stage. Do you understand what is to come? Are you trained to deal with violent outbursts? You will be his sole caretaker. Are you aware that your physical well being may be put at risk? Not to mention the emotional toll this will take on you. Like I said, I think your heart is in the right place but this is a terrible idea. Not to mention the ethical and moral aspects.....
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GonzalezJ Jan 2019
Thank you so much
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Where are you Gonzalez? I'm curious because PSW is a term I don't hear used often outside of my province. The way it works here is that getting a space in your preferred nursing home is no easy task, in urban areas the wait list can stretch into years. There are also several people living at my local nursing home who are really only there because of a sleight of hand that has ticked all the boxes that allow fully funded care, technically they probably could live outside a nursing home but they would get less care and it would cost them more.
IF you and his wife were working together to help him fulfil his bucket list I would say go for it, but this really just sounds like a wonderful fantasy to me... aside from his physical limitations you have no idea if he (and his wife) could even afford it.
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Great advice cwillie.
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I am adding to my previous post. If the NH gets a whiff of this you will be dismissed immediately. And you should. Unethical and unprofessional. The liability to you and the nursing home could be substantial.
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gdaughter Jan 2019
THE CAREGIVER WAS ASKING FOR GUIDANCE, here in a place where one would hope people would be kind and help educate, not accusatory of something that has not even happened. You are not judge and jury. There are many steps that would take place before the caregiver took off with the patient. Do you think no one would notice or discuss that? THe caregiver may be young and inexperienced, but at least they care about their patient and enough to ask a group who they hoped would share their wisdom not assault them. Unethical and unprofessional? Please. I'd be grateful to be able to hire a caring individual like this person, even if they needed to be educated, coached/supervised on their work role.
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Not being familiar with the job description personal support worker, I googled it: "Personal support workers (PSWs) care for people who are ill, elderly or need help with daily tasks. You make sure your clients are comfortable, safe and enjoy emotional and physical well-being."

You provide care for a resident in a nursing home setting. How long has he been your client? Is he your only client? Which shift do you work? How long is your shift? How many others care for him in a 24 hour period? Are you the worker responsible for your client's bathing, shaving, dressing for the day? Can your client toilet by himself to include transfers? Does your client feed himself? Does he eat in the dining room?

I ask these questions because it sounds as if your resident has a big old case of cabin fever! His physical abilities have declined ahead of his mind. He is fantasizing a larger more exciting life! And really, who hasn't had the same thoughts one time or another? A dream trip with a personal aide & no financial worries: the line forms behind me!!!

Seriously, your client needs more stimulation every day! You say he is completely cognizant. He needs to be out of his room & interacting with others as soon as he is up & ready for the day. Even if he is just saying good morning to the housekeeping staff, get him out of his room & interacting with others! He eats in the dining room, he attends activities & even suggests activities that interest him!

Work with the rest of the staff to find jobs he can do: pass around craft supplies, read to another resident who has vision issues, pour juice, pass around snacks, play cards with another lonely guy.

As for experiencing a new location, have the activity director see if his wife is open to getting him a virtual reality device & travel videos.

One of the saddest things about neurodegenerative diseases is the unpredictability of progression. Your client's cognition has remained while his physical abilities have declined. Tonight, tomorrow, next month, his cognitive status may decline incredibly quickly, without warning & without returning.

Put your care & concerns to work right now on quality of life measures for your client that can be implemented in real time & real life. Don't waste his precious cognitive time pursuing a pie in the sky project.
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HVsdaughter Jan 2019
Well said, Longears! I could say SO MUCH about the positive impact of getting someone up and out of his room and involved in something other than a "full on" pity party because of what they long to do but can't anymore.
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Hello Gonzalez. Have you considered having a sit down with your patient’s wife outlining your offer? Perhaps if she knew she’d have 24/7 help in her home, she’d be willing to consider hiring you to live with them. Please remember that a person is sometimes placed in a nursing home, when the person who is their caretaker (his wife) can no longer be the caretaker due to her own physical health and limitations, burnout, and mental capabilities dealing with watching their loved one decline. If the gentleman was not married and had been living alone with no family to help and was placed in a nursing home, that would be different. However, he is married, his wife is responsible for his well being as well as her own. There may be a lot of dynamics you aren’t aware of that have your patient residing where he is. Unless you feel your client is being abused or neglected, it’s best to leave things as they are as I’m sure a lot of thought and conflict went into placing him in the nursing home in the first place. Best to you as you continue on keeping your caring side caring.
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shad250 Jan 2019
Maybe he does feel the client is not being treated well there, when he is not around.
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You are so wrong, young and naive. Actually you should leave this job and leave your patient alone. You are going to do nothing but cause trouble for the patient, as well as get yourself in trouble in regards to this type of work. Go get a totally different type of job and don't even think of messing with this family.
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Your response was rude and totally unhelpful. Perhaps you should take your own advice and leave town. I am a retired RN who worked 10 years in LTC and know just what the PSW (Personal Support Worker) is Concerned with as well as the client. He wants to live like a human rather than a caged animal and she sees the anxiety in his wishes and feels as need to help him.
I would love to have her as a support worker as she obvious has the ability to show compassion and caring for another individual. Too many care workers are burned out because they have too many patients and too much record keeping in addition to meeting family and patient needs.
Yes she could possibly get in trouble for helping him live his life free of the human cage. His family who obviously don't care enough for him to keep him part of their circle. He had become part of our disposable society. If he had enough money to move and hire a personal giver then I would suggest they get on with it but make sure they hire a lawyer who is well versed in such situations, get good advice and keep him on retainer until the feathers settle.
As for you Vegas lady, get more advice and compassion before you attack a person for trying to do something properly.
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