IHSS said they can't do anything about it since I am basically an at-will employee and the recipient is my boss, however they agree that I am not to pay the recipient. Doing so would risk my job with IHSS, as well as the apartment complex we live in.
These days homecare workers are starting to get some rights. Clients can no longer behave any way they want towards their caregivers like they did in the past. Back in the old days when I was still a homecare worker in the field, you could be taken off an assignment for no reason at all other than the client was in a bad mood that day. Times have changed a little. The industry is starting to realize that caregiver abuse by care clients is a real thing.
Please talk to your HR department, your supervisor, and this client's caseworker. If you're not allowed to communicate with a client's caseworker directly and some agencies programs don't allow the aide to (I don't allow the aides to because it's my job to do this), then you call your supervisor and get on them to speak with the client's caseworker. That's your supervisor's job.
Good luck to you and don't take live-in assignments if you can avoid them.
If you are hired through an agency, you may want to transition from this case and get another similar case with a live in situation.
Many people underestimate the care that they need and are getting.
And many people underestimate the amount of work that goes into caregiving.
(and by people I also mean family members not just the care recipient. )
Find another job and count your blessings.
I would also be inclined to report this person to Department of Labor in your State
I'm sorry you got yourself "stuck" in this predicament, and it will be tough for you to leave, but long term you will benefit from leaving and finding another job.
Find another live-in position for now, and save up any money you earn so that you can move into your own housing. You are in vulnerable position when your housing is tied to the demands and whims of your employer!
I am afraid it is time to give notice and move out. If they threaten you and have somehow been illegally paying you or using you, they themselves will be in a peck of trouble.