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IHSS said they can't do anything about it since I am basically an at-will employee and the recipient is my boss, however they agree that I am not to pay the recipient. Doing so would risk my job with IHSS, as well as the apartment complex we live in.

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If your client is on the IHSS program they aren't the one paying you. So the client cannot fire you. If you work for the IHSS program it is up to them to find you other clients to work for. There may be certain rules that the client (yes, CLIENT) must abide by to continue receiving services from IHSS. This would be something you should definitely take up with your supervisor, the HR department, and the client's caseworker. This client may not just be able to force you to pack your bags and be out by the end of the day and they certainly cannot extort money from you.

These days homecare workers are starting to get some rights. Clients can no longer behave any way they want towards their caregivers like they did in the past. Back in the old days when I was still a homecare worker in the field, you could be taken off an assignment for no reason at all other than the client was in a bad mood that day. Times have changed a little. The industry is starting to realize that caregiver abuse by care clients is a real thing.

Please talk to your HR department, your supervisor, and this client's caseworker. If you're not allowed to communicate with a client's caseworker directly and some agencies programs don't allow the aide to (I don't allow the aides to because it's my job to do this), then you call your supervisor and get on them to speak with the client's caseworker. That's your supervisor's job.

Good luck to you and don't take live-in assignments if you can avoid them.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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PeggySue2020 Dec 9, 2025
The op said ihss has already told her they consider op to be an at will employee of the client. Different states, too, run their ihss different ways.
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These live-in situations can be tricky especially if this is your only living arrangement. I understand people could use twenty four hour care. From my understanding, you get free room and board, pay in exchange for care. Weekends are usually off unless there is some other arrangement made. Did you two set up a formal contract?

If you are hired through an agency, you may want to transition from this case and get another similar case with a live in situation.
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Reply to Scampie1
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One possible explanation for this is that your employer has moved to believing that she doesn’t need ‘care’ , that you are not providing ‘care’, and that you are just freeloading in a house share. You could perhaps address this by getting her care needs re-assessed, or by dropping down the care you do provide.
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Grandma1954 Dec 9, 2025
this is a good and valid point of view.
Many people underestimate the care that they need and are getting.
And many people underestimate the amount of work that goes into caregiving.
(and by people I also mean family members not just the care recipient. )
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Let your "employer" fire you. I certainly would not want to work for someone that is essentially blackmailing me.
Find another job and count your blessings.
I would also be inclined to report this person to Department of Labor in your State
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Reply to Grandma1954
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It sounds like this living arrangement is not working. And it will not get better.
I'm sorry you got yourself "stuck" in this predicament, and it will be tough for you to leave, but long term you will benefit from leaving and finding another job.
Find another live-in position for now, and save up any money you earn so that you can move into your own housing. You are in vulnerable position when your housing is tied to the demands and whims of your employer!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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I don't mean to be rude here, but what happens if she dies or needs to be placed in LTC? You won't have a job then either. Does your client have Dementia? If so, you can't reason with her. All you can do is try to explain that Medicaid is paying for her to have a 24/7 aide instead of placing her in Longterm care. Since they are paying for her care, which means she can remain in her home, she is responsible for the utilities, etc.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Are you related to this person? Do you mean that the person wants you to pay for your room. Usually live ins do not pay room and board. Thats part of the contract you have with them. I doubt Medicaid is paying what you could earn privately. Did you make sure a contract was in place? Do you have someplace to go?
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FallenDove Dec 7, 2025
We are not related. Yes it's technically rent but she keeps calling it "incidentals" because I technically cannot pay rent. She mentions cleaning supplies, electricity, paper goods, and hand soap. When I offer to replace those same items or see the electrical bill to pay my portion she gets defensive and tells me no I don't want you to do that. She wants the cash bottom line and it makes me uncomfortable that she refuses to be transparent. Correct it is part of the contract with both IHSS and the housing we live in, and when I mentioned that she says that it's ridiculous that I can live with her for free. I haven't written up a contract between us because I have a feeling she will refuse and bring up firing me again. But no, I have no where to go or the money to leave, which is why I'm so stuck. The worse thing is she knows this and is using it to her advantage.
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Stop working for this person. Report them to your labor department if you must. You will of course not be living in with them any more, so there is that. I am assuming they are wishing to charge you rental, because otherwise I am not understanding their wanting YOU to pay THEM when YOU are caring for THEM? Makes no sense on the fact of it.

I am afraid it is time to give notice and move out. If they threaten you and have somehow been illegally paying you or using you, they themselves will be in a peck of trouble.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Line up a new job asap, and leave. Caregivers are in demand, so it shouldn't be difficult for you. Good luck. This is not the type of person who should be forced to spend your life with.
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Reply to MG8522
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I'm sorry your employer is putting you in this position. I suggest that you start or continue documenting what the employer is telling you, begin looking for a new job, and be prepared to report the employer to the state if you are terminated. The fact that the employer is trying to force you to violate rules might be considered fraud.
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Reply to Rosered6
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If u are a Tenant too, just don’t pay her. Good luck with her getting rid of you
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