I left my career to take care of Mom. I’ve lived alone for 30 Yrs. I moved to another state to live near my best friend, she wanted to help with my Mom's care. After being here for 3 mos she no longer wants to help with my mom. I feel angry and alone in a new state without friends and a job to go to. I sit in my home with my Mom who doesn’t talk and just follows me around the house. I’m going CRAZY! Any thoughts would be appreciated.

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Of course, you feel angry and alone, and mom's driving you crazy following you around.  You're cooped up, given up so much for so long, depended on a friend who let you down ~ going so far as to move closer to them! grrrr!, made a plan that didn't work out, and mom's only contact is you and now, vice versa. 

Ok, so your friend couldn't handle it; few can; cross that off your list.  This is when the rubber meets the road.  You've got to be analytical vs. emotional and concentrate on what will be the rest of your life, and decide what's best for each of you to live happily.  Do you want to be her caregiver for the rest of her (and your) life?  Or do you want to have your own life?  You can't have both, not really.  I'm guessing the 2nd; if yes, you need to find an assisted living home that your mom can afford on her own or with Medicaid.  If your dad served in the military, check into VA benefits to help.  Then, you need to see if you can find a job, even if it's part time and different from what your career was.  At 64 this may not be possible, but it's not unheard of, and you can at least say you tried.  Even a part time job will give you some social contact. 

Perhaps you can find a job that's in line with what your career was.  Heck, if you can get a job with your former employer in the career and state you were in, do it!  And take mom back to that state, and find an assisted living home for her.  Pick one that transitions, i.e., if she develops dementia or other medical problems, they're equipped to handle it there, so you don't have to move her again.

The bottom line: take back your life.
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How long had your friend been caring for your mom? It is a very hard job for anyone. Don't hold it against your friend, just find someone else to help. Take some time away, meet your friend for lunch with some of those off hours that you are so entitled to.

Is it time for mom to be in a facility? There comes a time for nearly all of us. Maybe your friend has some recommendations and would help with that.

Best to you.
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Nobody can possibly understand the magnitude of what's involved in the caretaking of a dementia parent until they're involved in it 24/7. The unbelievable behaviors they exhibit are absolutely mind boggling to say the least....and not manageable by the vast majority of us. I think you have to be realistic now and understand that the care required here is out of the scope of your abilities. Unless you want to ruin the rest of your life, you must look into care communities that specialize in memory care and are geared towards dealing with dementia and Alzheimer's. For the immediate moment, perhaps you can get her into a daycare program to free you up for own mental health and to visit some care facilities. You need a village to care for her now, and you're just one human being. Unless youre Superwoman, you can't do it alone.
Best of luck
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You are going crazy and it is your mom. Can you imagine how hard it was for your friend.

Her/him leaving doesn't mean that they are not your friend, maybe this is tough love, maybe they saw that you are not the solution for your moms care.

It is far to much for one person to care for a dementia/Alzheimer's patient and two people are not much better. There comes a time when they need a village, could it be time for your moms village to take over and you be her advocate and daughter and actually have your life. I don't think it is okay for parents to ask that their children give up their lives so they don't have to change anything or go into a care facility. Your mom got to have her life, please don't give her years of yours so she doesn't have to give anything up.

I hope you figure out what is best for both of you, because you matter as much as your mom in the choices.
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Are you a glutton for punishment and suffering? What resources does your mom have that she can use to pay someone to give you some breaks and maybe even find a job. I hope you are not planning on spending your life's savings on her care. She needs to pay for it or look into Medicare if she doesn't. Sounds like your best friend has not turned out to be so great. Sorry to hear about that.

What stage is your mother's dementia/Alzheimer's? I am sure you already know this, but it is or it has reached a point where one one 24/7 is not going to be good for either one of you.

Please come back, vent and let us know how you are doing. I think you need a face to face person who can give you support and objective input like a therapist or a pastor/priest.

I wish you the best.
Helpful Answer (2)
Isthisrealyreal Sep 1, 2019
I think saying her friend isn't so great is a bit unfair. Who wants to be tied to a house with a patient 24/7/365 with only your best friend for interaction? To much of a good thing is just that, too much.

Sounds like mom needs to be in a facility (with Medicaid if she has no money) and her daughter needs to be her advocate and daughter again.
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