I'm 49 and became disabled with loss of 75% use of dominant arm. I'm single due too death of wife 14 years earlier. Any advice?


I had to move in with my son after becoming disabled with CRPS. A severe nerve damage disease with loss of 75% use of dominant hand and arm do to an injury. I find that he is rude and disrespectful and expects me to pay all utility bills and TV and internet and do 90% of the housekeeping, I am open to suggestions on what I should do... I do own my own home but find it difficult to live by myself and to do grocery shopping and daily chores and it's worse here than at my home, but I don't have any kind of help living alone because I don't know anyone there due to had to sale my first home to cut expense and move to an area I don't know. After falling 4 times with injuries because of medicine's my daughter and son made me move in with my single 21 year old son that works 10 hours a day, 5 days a week.. So I'm here alone most of the time but he expects me to cook and clean his home daily.

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Dragonfly00735, are you able to use your non-dominate arm? I remember back a couple of years ago when I broke my dominate arm. I was unable to use that arm for anything purposeful for many months, had to learn to use my other arm/hand.

It wasn't easy using the non-dominate arm/hand, it was quite a challenge. Trying to use a Mouse and keyboard was a mess. My handwriting was like that of a 4 year old. Eating was that of a 2 year old. Dressing took twice a long. Had to go to physical therapy 3 times a week for months on end. Yes, I know what I had was medically different, but the disability was the same.

In a way I can understand your son wanting you to pay for utilities and to do work around the house. Your son's grocery bill has gone up 100%. His utilities have also gone up. And we cannot expect a 21 year old to give up his life to be a caregiver, he needs to have the same advantages that you had at his age. And note, not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver, I know I wasn't.

Tell us, where would you want to live if you could?
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Dear Dragonfly,

I'm sorry to hear about your son's attitude. I know its hurtful. I think tiredonlychild is right and it best to look at alternate living arrangements. Maybe consider talking to a social worker and consider assisted living. I think living with an adult child can work but it takes a lot of work and good communication to avoid feelings of anger and resentment on both sides.

My own mother and father just expected me to do whatever they wanted all the time. I personally felt like they never thought about me or my feelings. It is hard to communicate ones needs and wants clearly. I never knew how to tell my mom and dad, I've had enough or I can't do this anymore. Maybe your son's bad attitude is a reflection of his unwillingness to take on this duty and responsibility.
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This situation is only going to deteriorate. Could you qualify for AL? You seem like you might be a perfect candidate. You cannot maintain his household, you should not be putting your resources into his hands - at 21, he's got a lifetime of earning potential - you, on the other hand, have a long road ahead, where your earnings are limited. Would you qualify for Medicaid, if you don't have money? If I've learned anything from these message boards, it's that the ol' live with the family does not seem to be as good a solution with real human beings, with problems, complications and issues, as it appears in theory.
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