I’m new to these forums and I need some advice.
My father is a disabled Vietnam veteran and just recently (May 2018) moved in with me after it was determined that he couldn’t live alone anymore. I was happy about it for awhile, but now I’m starting to get extremely stressed and burnt out. He stays in the spare bedroom on the first floor so that he can get to the bathroom in time, but the thing is, he won’t use it. I work extremely hard to keep his room clean and him clean but its like he works against me. He pees in cups, puts cigarettes out in it (has a urinal but completely ignores it) and knocks them over into the carpet. The carpet in his room is filthy and black. My whole house stinks like his urine because of it and whenever I try and gently remind him to use his urinal because my house stinks and the carpet is destroyed, he argues with me and tries to make excuses like “You let the cats use the bathroom in a box on the floor, but I’m the one tho makes it stink?” He wears depends and will defecate in them and just toss them on the floor. I rent this house, so it will cost me a pretty penny to get that room cleaned if I ever move out. I’m embarrassed to have friends and family over because of his behaviors.
For awhile, I thought he was going on himself because he was because he was losing his mobility. So, I felt bad for him. But I’ve noticed when it came to things like when I’m taking too long to bring him a cigarette, he can get up and walk to hassle me. But when he wants water, food, or anything he calls me and calls me non stop. I can never get any rest. If my husband tries to help, he rejects it and tells him to just get me. On the off chance that I do have time to myself, he guilt trips me into staying home or will ask for things right when I have to leave to try and get me to be late. Or if I have friends over he’ll call me over and over and over to the point where I can’t hang out for longer than an hour.
I love him to death, but he just doesn’t understand how much stress he’s putting me under. I don’t mind caring for him, but he just won’t help me help him. I know he can do things independently because I’ve seen him. He has congestive heart failure, diabetes, hypertension, PTSD and some mobility troubles. My family always has a lot to say about how I care for him, but they never help me. I don’t want him going into a home or anything but I’m starting to feel trapped, like I’ll never be able to do anything again.