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Hey everyone. I'm in a tight situation here and this doesn't feel right.


My grandma raised me since I was 6 months old to this day as my father is a really selfish person that never cared about his family so I'm the one left in charge of my grandmother.


She has 3 kids, and I feel like they should do something about this and lift this huge responsibility that was put on my shoulders at this age. I've been taking care of her for 5 months now since her health condition started to decline really fast (she has cirrhosis and now dementia seems to make her really difficult to handle at times).


Her kids and her gave me her house which I really appreciate but I'd rather start from nothing than going further with this for months or years, I have a lot of plans with my life and I'm literally on hold right now because of this.


I don't want to sound selfish but I've been taking care of her for a long time as I'm the only one that's been living with her, but since her health condition got worse, this starts to affect me mentally and I do not like this at all, I can't even get out of my house for a few hours because she might need my help and I can't leave her.


What should I do ? I spoke with her kids about this and they said that me taking care of her is the only option as they have jobs and they don't have time. What I think that they should do is to pay someone to take care of my grandmother, even I would pay for this just to get over this.


Sometimes I feel like leaving my family and restart my life as I'm able to take care of myself and do well on my own.


I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.


P.S. I'm not from the US.


Many thanks.

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Here is an article I found. It says Gmas condition can cause Dementia like symptoms. Has she been seen by a doctor lately? Is she showing signs of jaundice? She may eventually need more care than u can give. If the "kids" are not aware of her decline, they need to see her.

I agree, its not fair to you. My opinion, Gma should be on Hospice. Is that available where u live? They will evaluate and keep her comfortable. My opinion, Gma is dying.

www.verywellhealth.com/hepatic-encephalopathy-a-treatable-cause-of-memory-loss-4123646
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Mike93 May 2019
She's been hospitalized 3 weeks ago in order to get her ascites liquid removed and they prescribed her some medicine and she isn't having any issues with her ascites anymore.

She's still aware of what's going on and can talk but sometimes she behaves weird, gets irritated quite easly and such (usually happens in the afternoon and at night). She might be in stage 2 of hepatic encephalopathy.

Thank you for your answer!
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Mike, if the care at home just isn't available at all, what are you expecting your grandmother's children to do? If there literally isn't any, then they can't pay for it any more than your grandmother can, surely? And if there is, then she should pay for it, not them.

There do seem to be care (and hospice) services sprouting in Bucharest; but where are you? Are you in a major town or city, or more isolated than that?
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Mike93 May 2019
I'm in a major city near Bucharest. I'll try to look for one these days and see what can be done.

Thanks!
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Call APS or Social Services and tell them that you can't take care of her any more. You can say that you need to find work and won't be able to take care of her. Your supposed family can make other arrangements for grandma but why should they, they have you. You should be going to school, have a job and having the time of your life. They got to have the time of their lives when they were younger, now they need to step up.
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Mike93 May 2019
That's what I was thinking as well, at this rate I'm suppossed to miss my entire 20s and 30s because I have to take care of everyone which sounds totally insane to me.

Thank you for the input.
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She's 84, she has cirrhosis, and it seems possible - has her doctor said? - that the dementia is related to that, and she's had a steep decline over the last couple of months: I suppose what I'm wondering is how long this is likely to be a problem, if that's not too cruel.

What do her doctors say? Have you asked them or any of the medical team about nursing care or support workers at home?

What do you need to do to get your next career moves off the ground?
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Mike93 May 2019
Your question is not too cruel at all. Yes, the dementia is related to that but she's been living with cirrhosis for the past 3-4 years now without any problems (she started to have ascites a few months ago, they removed the liquid and she's fine now, the ascites doesn't seem to grow fast anymore, she's keeping it under control with the new medication given).

We don't have such nursing care at home in here unfortunately.

All I need is time, I want a side job so I can save money to grow my online business, that's all I want, time for myself.
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I'm from Romania and unfortunately there's no other option in our country in such situation besides a small amount of money (which won't matter that much) that my country can give me as a caregiver (I haven't applied for this yet).

She's in charge of her own finances, but the main problem here is that I need to look forward to my career as well, as I cannot work and I'm not getting paid by anyone for being a caregiver (I'm working online as a freelancer for now so I can have some money and not become broke).
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So if you're not in the US, where are you? It would help to know, to have some ideas of what kind of services you might be able to call on.

Your grandmother needs help. It shouldn't all come from you, but then again there's no law that says it has to come from her working adult children either. The answer is to find out where else to look.

And it's your grandmother who pays for her care; either directly or through a legally authorised representative. Is she still in charge of her own finances, or does anybody do this for her with or without formal power of attorney?
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