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My husband's 85 year-old father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's several years ago. He and my mother-in-law are in assisted living (she has cognitive impairment due to a stroke) but recently he has gone to the nurses crying that he wants to go see his parents and siblings (all are deceased). When he does this the nurses call my husband, who feels the responsibility to handle (read solve) every situation related to his parents. He is the eldest of three sons and is retired (the others are not). How can we help his father with this emotion, and therefore ourselves?

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My mom has been saying about going to see her mama and daddy a lot lately (they are also deceased). When she says she hasn't made it there yet I just tell her that it's ok and that she will get there sometime and she just agrees with me. I have to chuckle when she tells me that her parents are "elderly", she's 76 : )
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Realize that your FIL is in his own reality. It does absolutely no good, and often makes matters worse, to try to reason with someone who has lost the ability to reason. Get into his reality. It sounds like he has regressed to a time when he was quite young and all of his birth family was alive. What would have comforted him then, if he was separated from them?

Call him by his first name. (If he is back in his childhood, he certainly will be confused by being called "Dad"). Tell him something that will make sense in his reality. "Your dad is out in the fields now, and your mom has gone into town. You'll see them later. While we are waiting, would you like to have some cookies and milk?" "Your brothers are all at school now. You weren't feeling very well this morning, and that is why you are staying in this nice place. Let's go down the hall and look at the lovely birds, so you can tell your brothers all about it later."

Tell him something comforting about why he can't visit with his relatives right now, and then distract him with something he might enjoy.

This is very, very hard on you and your husband, I'm sure. Hugs to you all.
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Sounds like it's time to move from assisted living to memory care. The caregivers at the assisted living facility are apparently not trained and doing with Alzheimer's patients if they are calling your husband for every little thing. In memory care, there are caregivers who understand the Alzheimer's process in addition to which you probably need medical re evaluation of his status for possible medication or medication changes.
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